


I only need you

by Ballumftw



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Cancer, Epilepsy, M/M, Mentions of Cancer, Sick Character, Sickfic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-15 15:19:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 56,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28690806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ballumftw/pseuds/Ballumftw
Summary: Callum starts to have seizures and Ben does everything he can to help him through, but when they get some bad results off the doctors, they realise that the only important thing in their lives at that moment is each other
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Comments: 38
Kudos: 66





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1 

Finally putting his key in the door Ben opened the door having just got back from the hospital waiting for news on Ian's recovery just to appease his mother Kathy. His phone rang and he glanced at the Caller, Callum. Ben sighed and hung his head silencing his phone and putting his phone down on the kitchen table.  
Ben couldn't believe Callum could accuse him of attacking his half brother Ian. Sure Ben had form and he was seriously pissed off with Ian, but he would never leave him for dead. Everyone was always so quick to pin it on him, he never knew Callum would do the same and he felt really betrayed. He sat down at the table in the kitchen, it felt like he had been at the hospital for days, instead of just a few hours, and his head was spinning.  
His phone beeped again and he ignored it. He knew it would be Callum, apologising again, and he knew he should respond but instead he ignored it and switched his phone off instead.  
He walked upstairs and grabbed a long hot soak in the bath to wash the sterile smell of the hospital off him. He grabbed some new clothes and sat on the sofa not really watching the telly. The hours drifted past as he was too lost in his own thoughts. He wasn't looking forward to Callum coming home, he loved him to pieces but he was angry and hated when they argued. He debated going out so he didn't have to be in when Callum came home and was just about to grab his coat when there was a frantic hammering on the back door in the kitchen. Sighing he made his way into the kitchen and threw open the door "Oh Ben, get to the hospital quick!" Kathy his mum burst through the door flustered. "I've been trying to call but your phone wasn't switched on...Oh Ben, its Callum, I've just seen him being rushed into A and E from an ambulance but they won't tell me anything. I've got to let Stuart know as well but-"  
"Woah slow down Mum, your saying Callum has been rushed to the hospital?" Ben said in shock, a sense of dread settling in his stomach. His boyfriend was a copper, he could have been shot while on Duty or stabbed or attacked or anything!  
"Yes, I've been trying to ring you, he collapsed at work but they won't tell me anything"  
"I'll get there straight away, can you find Stuart for me, he does need to know!?" Ben grabbed his car keys before switching his phone on, kissing his mum on the cheek and running to his car. Luckily Stuart was just up ahead walking slowly from the market.  
"Stuart!" Ben yelled "Callum's in hospital, we got to go! Mum come on!" He watched Stuart start to run over and slid himself into the drivers seat, buckling himself in and turning the ignition on, he heard his mum buckle up in the back seat, and he hurriedly drove to the hospital.  
"It was definitely him?" Stuart asked Kathy as she relayed the story to him.  
"Yes, I heard them say his name so I turned round and he was on the stretcher being rushed into A and E, he was shaking really badly like a seizure but they wouldnt tell me anything because I am not next of kin. I rang you, but your phone was off so I came straight to get you."  
Ben couldn't believe what he was hearing "a seizure?" He watched his mum nod her head sadly, "I heard them say he'd collapsed at work while on Duty" Ben pressed his foot down on the accelerator. His earlier anger at Callum was gone and was replaced with terror and a sheer desperation to be next to his boyfriend, holding his hand to try and help Callum get through whatever hell he was going through.  
"He's never mentioned being epileptic to me Stu, has he had these seizures before?" Ben asked frantically as he pulled into the hospital car park and started to look for a free space.  
"He had a couple when he was younger like eleven or twelve when he was stressed coz of dad and stuff, but none in years, they never found the cause and we thought theyd just stopped...but he's been under so much stress with working all these crazy hours and his boss punching him-"  
"What?" Both Kathy and Ben cut him off. "I punched the bastard back though, Callum weren't pleased, its not the time to be discussing this yeah?" He added as Ben swung into a parking spot. 

Ben raced into the hospital. "I'm looking for a Callum Highway?" He gasped out of breath at the receptionist.  
She typed in her computer, as Stuart and Kathy caught up behind him. It felt like it was taking forever for her to answer him and He was about to snap at her when she looked up "Yes, Bay 4 in resus. I'll take you there now" she stood and indicated for them all to follow her "are you family?" She looked back at him. "Yeah I'm his boyfriend Ben and this Is Stuart his brother and kathys my mum"  
She led them into a room where Callum lay sleeping looking peaceful on the bed but with lots of wires attached to various machines that were beeping intermittently. He was in a t-shirt his police uniform folded neatly on the table next to his bed  
He practically ran to Callums side and grasped his hand clutching it tightly.  
Ash came over as she was working on Callums Care.  
"Ben, hi. He's sleeping now, the seizure took a lot out of him. It's like running a marathon, his body is exhausted."  
"Is he ok though?" Stuart asked her as Ben just rested his forehead on his and Callums joined hands, trying to control his shaky breathing. Kathy stood next to Ben squeezing his shoulder in support.  
"We will be running tests to see what caused this, but we may never find out the answers" ash explained. "The doctor has now confirmed Epilepsy with this being the third seizure in his medical record." Ben looked up, his eyes swimming with unshed tears "epilepsy?" He repeated looking devastated as he knew Callums police career was over.  
"Yes I'm afraid so" Ash confirmed. "We are happy with his vital signs so the doctor has agreed that we will be releasing him tonight, and he just needs lots of rest, and fluids, and as little stress as possible and we will be in touch with the results, however if he has another seizure tonight or tomorrow then bring him straight back by phoning 999 and getting an ambulance and we will admit him for some more tests, he may however not have another seizure but if he does we have a few medication regimes he can try " Ash looked at them both with a reassuring smile. "What do I do if he has a seizure? I've never, I mean I.." Ben trailed off staring at Callums sleeping form.  
"There are two types of seizure, ill keep it simple though dont worry...basically in one form he will zone out. He won't hear you or respond to you, he may just be staring off in the distance and stop doing whatever he was doing such as walking or talking or he may seem to be doing things really slowly. Just talk to him and ask him questions to see if he starts to respond, this might happen a few times and then he will be ok again. However This can potentially then turn into a seizure however. So if that happens, time the seizure, make sure there is nothing he can bang his head on and try and put something like a cushion or folded up coat or jumper or something like that under his head. Then simply just let him know your there and reassure him, until he stops, and put him in the recovery position. If the seizure lasts more than 5 minutes then always ring an ambulance. After a seizure he will need to rest, if not sleep as they are exhausting. He will feel really tired and sore."  
"But will he be alright?" Kathy asked, "Is there anything he needs when he goes home, anything we should know about?"  
"He is fine for now yes, just very tired so when he goes home he might seem a bit dazed and a bit out of it, slightly slow in responding to you. He may have the lesser seizure with you, just see him through it and stay calm if that happens. As much sleeping and resting as he needs, his body will be really sore and perhaps a little bit shaky. If you need me at any time tonight I will give you my mobile number later so just ring and I'll be straight round ok. Even if it's two in the morning, ill be there in my dressing gown, joggers and fluffy bunny slippers. ok Ben?" Ben nodded with a small choked chuckle "thanks Ash" he swiped the tears from his eyes.  
She smiled  
"I'll leave you in peace while i check to see if any of his results have come back in." and left the room.  
"Oh my god" Ben said as a tear slid down his cheek, as his free hand cupped Callums face.  
"Our Cal is a fighter Ben, you'll see!" Stuart said as he stood on the other side of the bed and Kathy agreed  
"I know, its just....you can't be a copper if you are epileptic" Ben shut his eyes "He has worked so hard for this, he's going to be devastated."  
"Really? Oh my god. That's not fair, although with his Boss punching him its probably for the best to be honest"  
"You still haven't told me anything about that" Ben's eyes flashed in Anger at the thought of someone hurting his boyfriend.  
"He punched Callum and I punched him in the face." Stuart shrugged. "He just told me his boss was a nutter but he has been suspended now."  
"I can't believe this is happening" Ben said in shock. "He was fine this morning."  
Stuart sighed. "I can't protect him against this Stuart, I can't batter Epilepsy, i can't threaten it to leave him alone. There's nothing I can do!"  
"Just like when you were deaf Ben, you got to stick together and help each other cope." Kathy replied with a sad smile  
Ben was about to respond but Callums hand clenched around his own and his eyes started flickering. "Callum" he breathed, "are you waking up babe?" He stroked Callums hair. Callums eyes blinked open and shut a few times and when he turned to Ben, his gaze was unfocused and confused.  
"There we go" Ben gave him a reassuring smile and sat on the edge of the bed.  
"Ben? What's...where...?" He trailed off closing his eyes briefly before glancing around slowly. .  
"You are in hospital babe!" Ben said kissing Callums forehead "me, my mum and Stuart are here" he added with a smile after seeing Callum staring at Stuart looking puzzled.  
"Why am I here?" Sheer confusion was evident in his voice as his gaze drifted to all the wires and machines. "I can't remember" he looked at Ben sounding scared. Ben pulled him into a gentle side hug. Kissing his head he closed his eyes briefly "you had a seizure at work babe, a really bad one. Scared us half to death when we heard."  
"But I haven't had one in years?" Callums eyes drifted shut and then snapped open as he tried to force himself to stay awake. "I don't understand. I can't think straight Ben"  
"It's ok, we will figure this out Cal! I promise, I'm not going anywhere. Now stop fighting it and go back to sleep ok?you look exhausted. You'll be back home with me looking after you when they release you tonight! I love you! And i aint moving from your side alright. Ill be right here when you wake up ok?" Ben kept running his fingers through Callums hair, kissing him gently before holding his hand as Callum slowly drifted back to sleep.

\----'xxxxxxx

Callum had only just got back from the hospital and he was stretched out on the sofa, under a blanket. With his head on a cushion on Ben's Lap. He was still a bit out of it and his body was aching all over, but Ben was there, and that's all Callum wanted. "Are you ok?" Callum asked Ben, looking up at him.  
"I should be asking you that question. I'm fine, just worried about you." Ben stroked Callums hair. "You're as white as a sheet babe, and you look exhausted. I'm worried. Is there anything that you need or anything I can do for you?"  
Callum smiled. "I'll be ok, so long as you're here." He felt Ben's arms hug him tighter "always babe. I'm not going anywhere."  
They heard a key turn In the lock and watched as Phil came through into the living room.  
"Callum, I've just heard off Kathy, are you ok?" He said sitting in the armchair, concern on his face.  
Callum nodded. "Yeah, just tired and aching. I'll be fine soon. I'm feeling a lot better being home"  
"I bet, its good they let you out, I heard it was a seizure, you didn't say you were epileptic? What caused it? Did they run tests? What did the doctors say?" Phil questioned. Callum frowned trying to get his brain to focus on the barrage of questions and clearly failing so Ben decided to help out  
"He wasn't epileptic until today Dad, he had a third seizure . The third one means its now being classed as Epilepsy." Ben replied softly still stroking Callums hair.  
"Go to sleep if you're tired babe, ill still be here when you wake up I promise. Ok?"  
Callum nodded with a smile, intertwining his hand with Ben's, as he shut his eyes and drifted off to sleep.  
"What exactly did the hospital say?" Phil said in a low voice so as not to wake Callum.  
"They are waiting on the results of some tests before they let us know what's going on. If he has another seizure before this time tomorrow he has to go back in. Otherwise he only goes in if a seizure last more than 5 minutes or he's injured. He might have more, he might not. But apparently its like running a marathon for him when he has a seizure and he needs plenty of sleep and rest afterwards" Ben glanced down at Callums sleeping face.  
"He's a tough lad Callum, he'll be Ok!"  
"He can't be a copper though dad" Ben said in hushed tones knowing Callum was asleep "and he doesn't realise it yet because he's still a bit dazed. This will crush him, I know it will, he's worked so hard for this!"  
Phil sighed. "You'll help him Ben, seeing you two, together you are so much stronger. I'll have a word with Jack and see what I can sort out." Ben gave a small smile in response and there was an awkward pause  
"Sharon's married Ian by his hospital bed." Phil said "Kathy told me that as well."  
"What? Ian? Married?" Ben asked frozen in shock  
"Yes so She settling out of court" Phil responded with a shrug "she's lost the plot. Kathy is fuming about it"  
Callum shifted in his sleep, and Ben restarted stroking his hair.  
"Needless to say however the main focus for me is Callum and not Ian" Ben replied after a moment staring at Phil  
"Ian's selfish , he's the one who grassed on us Dad, and he robbed 20 grand out of the Lucy Beale foundation to frame Max and now Bobby and Peter hate him. He got injured and attacked because of his own stupid actions and he deserves it. Callum is a copper dad, a damn good one, he wouldn't hurt a fly or do anything that would upset people unlike Ian. He's overworked with the Ian investigation, stressed out trying to deal with everything and he's had a seizure. It's not fair on Callum. He's getting my support, Ian as far as I'm concerned can hang. Callum don't need me being stressed dad coz he'll get stressed and right now I ain't having that!"  
Phil nodded thoughtfully.  
"You are right, I do, i agree, Callum is an honorary Mitchell. Our priority now is supporting him, i aint getting involved in Ians Dramas. Couldnt care less. I care more about the wellbeing of you and Callum than that waste of space" Phil agreed. "Have either of you eaten yet? You've had a long day, why don't I cook us all something?"  
"That would be great, thanks Dad!" Ben said as his dad walked into the kitchen.  
He shifted slightly underneath Callum, so that he could hold him closer. There was a knock at the door "dad get that" Ben shouted as loud as he could without waking his boyfriend  
He heard the front door open and muffled voices. Then Jay appeared  
"Hey how are you doing. Ive just seem Stuart at the parlour and he mentioned Callum having a seizure? I just came to make sure you're both alright."  
"Yeah he is knackered now, but he's home. Thanks for coming round, im sure if he was awake Callum would appreciate it too" Ben replied gazing down at Callums sleeping form  
"Did they say what caused it?"  
"No, apparently its really hard to find the cause so They are waiting on loads of test results, but he already had two seizures when he was a lot younger so now he's been diagnosed with epilepsy. You have seen all the coppers out there, overworked overworked and stressed with the investigation, and apparently stress is a big trigger. I'm terrified of seeing him have a seizure and not being able to help him." A tear leaked out. "I don't know how to help him Jay. This is all new to me. I don't know what I'm doing."  
"Mate, you'll be ok. You and Callum are made for each other, the perfect fit. You have coped through bad times before, with your hearing after the boat crash and losing Dennis, because you had each other." Ben nodded wiping his eyes as Jay clasped his shoulder in support. "cheers Jay."  
"It's alright bro I'm here for you yeah, if either of you need a favour or anything or someone to look after lexi yeah! I will come by tomorrow to see him" He fist pumped Ben before leaving them to it, quietly letting himself out. 

\------  
"Dinner will be ready in a couple of minutes, if you want to wake sleeping beauty" Phil shouted through an hour later. Ben smiled at the way his dad really treated Callum Like family.  
"Babe? Cal?" He gently shook Callum awake  
"Hey darlin, you feeling any better?" Ben asked softly seeing Callums eyes flutter open  
Callum smiled with a wince as he tried to support himself to a sitting position.  
"Yeah, a bit better"  
"Dad's made dinner, do you want to come in the kitchen for something to eat?" He asked crouching so he was eye level with Callum  
Callum nodded "I am pretty hungry now I'm awake"  
"Good" Ben said kissing him before he helped Callum stand up and steady him as he swayed slightly. "Woah steady Cal"  
"Sorry, I just feel a bit weird babe." Callum responded as Ben drew him into a hug. "I've got you Callum, come on babe, its ok."  
He helped support Callum as they went into the kitchen and helped him sit down while Phil dished dinner out.  
"You heard the latest funny news Callum?" Phil asked passing him his plate.  
Callum took a moment to respond, blinking but then he looked at Phil anď shook his head. "Sharon and Ian are married." Phil said grinning  
"What? Ben how long have I been asleep for?" Callum teased with a shy smile  
"Yeah it was apparently all arranged in about an hour at Ian's bedside." Ben chuckled as he tucked into his chicken Pie. "my mum's going mental"  
"Blimey its all been happening today for you then ain't it?" Callum replied.  
"Don't even start you!" Ben said in mock anger "I'm sure I've got a speeding ticket on the way to the hospital as well as the heart attack I had when I seen you there."  
"Sorry" Callum said sadly.  
"It's fine, you're home now and I can keep an eye on you and make sure your following doctors orders to rest and take it easy. Stop apologising babe, none of this is your fault."  
"Ben's right" Phil said "You have to stay positive and stick together. You can get through this Callum, i know you can"

\-----------------  
"Can you remember anything yet babe." Ben asked softly stroking Callums cheek when they lay in bed later that night  
"About before you woke up in hospital?"  
Callum looked thoughtful but shook his head. "Not really, ...maybe....my heads.... still really fuzzy. I just...remember...feeling wierd... and...then-"  
Ben frowned when Callum continued to pause "and then what babe? It's ok, you can tell me" He looked at Callums face, noticing the vacant look.  
"CAL!" Ben tried a little louder "babe are you ok you are scaring me?" He blinked back tears "Callum please come back to me babe, everything is ok" he kept whispering comforting words to Callum silent tears sliding down his face. It was a couple of minutes later when Callum blinked at Ben in confusion. "Ben, why are you crying?" He was shocked when Ben suddenly enveloped him in a hug. "Cal, you're back. Thank God. You weren't responding to me at all. I was so scared"  
"Ben loosen up a bit, I'm still sore" Callum gasped. Ben immediately let go.  
"I'm so sorry, I didn't hurt you did I love?"  
"No I'll be ok. What do you mean I wasn't responding?" Callum said yawning still looking dazed.  
"You were somewhere in your mind babe, I couldn't reach you. Ash said this might happen though and your clearly still knackered right. So why don't we get some sleep now hmmm. Like I said I'll be right here Cal ok?" Ben said kissing him softly.  
"Love you Ben" Callum whispered drifting into sleep. Ben however took a lot longer to fall asleep, he just gazed at Callums sleeping face and tried to fight back the panic still coursing through his system. 

\------ 

"Callum still in bed?" Phil asked seeing Ben come down in his dressing gown the next morning.  
"Yeah" Ben sighed "He had another one last night, i thought he could do with a lie in"  
"What a seizure?" Phil asked shocked "What happened, are you both alright?"   
"Yeah" Ben said running a hand over his face. "It wasn't a full seizure. Just where he zoned out and I couldn't reach him. I felt so helpless dad."  
"Listen Ben." Phil said "this ain't gonna be easy for either of you. I'm here for you both ok." He watched Ben nod "Callum will just want reassuring that your not going anywhere, judging from a few conversations I've had with him. And I rang Jack this morning."  
Ben's head darted up in shock. "Well what did he say?"  
"He said that Callum is on paid medical leave until the results come back, he will first be on desk duty when he returns and his usual partner on duty is his work mate Fizz who has an epileptic child so if he does go out on the beat he will be with her or Jack himself. He will need a few adjustments to his role but Jack won't give up on him, and he will be round here later tonight to see how He is doing!"  
Really?" Ben released the breath he didn't realise he had been holding "He can still be a copper? Oh thank God. I didn't want to tell him otherwise."  
"Everything will work out Ben ok. Now I'm off to the solicitors, if you need me ring me, and you take good care of Callum yeah, he needs ya!" 

Ben was pouring out a cup of tea when he heard Callum shuffle into the kitchen.  
"I was just about to bring you a brew up babe!"  
He felt Callums arms encircle his waist. "Thanks" Callum whispered "so lucky I've got you"  
With the tone in Callums voice, Ben knew Callum was having an episode of low self esteem. He turned round and hugged him "same here, and I'm not going anywhere ok. I love you Callum. This epilepsy doesn't change that ok!"  
Callum nodded sniffling "I just don't understand Ben, I've not had one in over 10 years. Why now? When I'm finally happy?"  
Ben wiped away the tears streaming down Callums face.  
"Because you are overworked, stressed and sometimes these things happen not for a reason or because you have done anything wrong, but because they just do" he kissed Callum. "And no matter what happens, we will get through it together ok?"  
Callum nodded and hugged Ben again. Silent tears streaming down his face.  
After a couple of minutes Ben pulled back. "Why don't we go in the living room and have this brew eh?" He kissed Callums nose. "Dry those tears yeah?" Callum nodded swiping at his eyes.  
"Do you want to do anything in particular today?" Ben asked. "Or are you still tired?"  
"I dunno" Callum replied with a shrug. "Haven't really thought about it"  
"Well let's go have this brew first of all yeah and we can figure it out from there."   
They sat curled up together on the sofa. "It's just you were crying last night Ben, and I caused that and I feel awful."  
"Don't Cal, ok. Don't blame yourself. I'm ok, I was just tired and emotional myself, and I admit I was a bit scared, but you are ok now, and I just want to look after you!"  
"Are you sure?"  
"Cal babe, I'm certain!" Ben gazed down fondly. "You are my everything Callum. You can talk to me about anything and I will try and understand and help you ok. You are not alone in this, I'm here."  
Callum smiled in response curling up against Ben.  
"I could do with some fresh air Ben. Wanna go park or sommat?"  
"Course, and if you feel up to it, we could go shopping later or go for a drink?"  
"Yeah. I'd like that. I'm just gonna grab a shower"  
"Do you want me to make you any breakfast love?"  
"I'm not hungry babe. I'm sorry."  
"It's ok. You just let me know if there's anything you need ok"  
"I don't deserve you!" Callum said giving him a quick kiss before heading to the bathroom.  
Ben was Just fixing himself some breakfast when there was a knock at the back door. Ben opened it "alright Jay, come in bro"  
"How you both doing today?"  
"He seems better, more himself, bit over emotional but I think we both are. He had a partial seizure last night when we were talking in bed. I was terrified. He come round but when he was in his own mind I felt so helpless. There was nothing I could do Jay."  
"But you got through it. Just like you will the next time. You've got this Ben. I know it's hard, I can't imagine what your going through mate, I can't. Where is he, still sleeping?"  
"Nah he's in the shower, he wants some fresh air." Ben replied "gonna go park. You wanna come?"  
"Yeah cheers Ben, that would be great. Come on then make me a brew!"  
Ben laughed "Yes boss!"  
Ten minutes later Callum came down.  
"Alright Jay?"  
"Yeah I'm good. How are you? I heard you had a fit mate. Glad to see you up and about to be honest!"  
"Nice shower?" Ben said giving him a kiss. "You definitely smell better anyway"  
"Shut up!" Callum said nudging him playfully as Ben walked into the hallway  
"Ben said you guys are going park? Thought I might tag along with you two!"  
"Sure" Callum smiled. "Be glad to get some fresh air. Might help me feel less tired."  
"Yeah I popped by last night and you were fast asleep on Ben's Lap on the sofa. He says seizures really take it out you."  
"Yeah they do, to be honest I'm just really tired and aching like I've been hit by a bus."  
"Here you go babe" Ben returned passing Callum his coat.  
The three made their way out onto the square. Ben holding Callums hand.  
They ran into Mick as they passed through the market.  
"Callum mate, just heard. You alright? Had me worried."  
"Yeah just glad to be in the fresh air." Callum said.  
"My Nance was epileptic, you'll need a good support network yeah, so If you need anything at all, you let me know yeah!"  
"Thanks Mick." Callum responded  
"Anyway I'd best be off, got to get some laundry. You just remember yeah, anything you need I'm here."  
By the time they reached the park Callum practically threw himself on the bench in relief, while Jay went to grab them all a coffee.  
"Are you alright babe?" Ben asked sitting next to him concerned.  
"Yeah I will be, the walk took it out of me more than I thought it would. My legs are killing me." Callum laughed slightly to lighten the mood.  
"You don't have to put on a brave face Cal. Not for me anyway." He took both of Callums hands in his own. "I'm proud of you Cal, I really am"  
"I just can't get my head round it all happening again. I just don't get why? Like is it something I've done? Did I do something that caused it all to start up again?" Ben sighed  
"It's nothing you've done babe, except maybe work too hard on trying to find who whacked my half brother who to be honest ain't even worth any of your effort. He's made a lot of enemies on this square. Callum no one is to blame for this ok. I don't blame you. I just want to be there for you. Coz I know this is a big deal and your down playing this by pretending your fine and...what I'm trying to say is you don't have to pretend, its perfectly ok to not be fine yeah?"  
Callum nodded as Jay came over with the coffees.  
"I don't even know what's happening with work. I ain't even told em. What if I can't go back?" Callum looked devastated.  
"My dad rang Jack babe you are on paid medical leave until the test results come back and then on duty with someone called Fizz or Jack. Don't worry yourself Cal, we are on top of everything ok!"  
Callum looked relieved.  
"Thank you!"  
"You don't have to thank me babe, its what I'm here for." Ben kissed him.  
"Does everyone know?" Callum asked  
"I don't know to be honest" Jay said "everyone's talking about Ian, but then people who do seem to know are people who care about you and just want to make sure you are alright!"  
"Yeah don't worry about what other people think!" Ben agreed. "If anyone gives you an hassle they'll be dealing with me."  
Callum shook his head smiling at Ben's protectiveness. "Thank you" he responded.  
"But seriously tho Cal, what's going on in your head, we can't help unless you talk."  
"My DI is an idiot. He wants Phil locked up for the robbery and if I don't do as he says he's gonna put you away Ben. I couldn't stand it. He punched me and Stuart punched him. He's had me working crazy hours and I just, I just can't do it!"  
"Babe calm down you can't get worked up."  
But Callum continued on "And now I'm having to lie and say that rainie was with Stuart, when I know she legged it from here that night coz Stuart rang me in bits saying she'd gone and he blamed Ian. And I just can't cope. I just can't!" He broke down in tears. Burying his head in his hands.  
Ben enveloped him in a hug. "Ssshhhh babe, I'm sorry. I didn't know you we're under so much stress, I really didn't. Talk to me next time yeah. I'm not mad at you ok. Stuart says your DI has been suspended and hey Jack's your new DI now anyway. Babe don't cry, you'll set me off."  
Callum started to recompose himself.  
"Sorry" he muttered in embarrassment.  
"Don't be" Jay said. "You can tell us owt, we don't judge. I'm sure Ben's glad you've let off some steam."  
Ben nodded in confirmation.  
"It'll all be alright babe!" He kissed Callum. "Just relax now yeah and drink your coffee" he pushed his coffee into his hands. "Everything's ok"  
Callum smiled and started drinking his coffee. "Oh Ben mate, I meant to ask if your mum was ok?"  
Jay broke the silence "saw her before and she was going mental at Phil about something."  
"Oh yeah that! That would be Sharon marrying Ian Beale at his bedside when they thought he was dying"  
"What? I mean everyone knew Ian loves Sharon but she don't love him." Jay exclaimed. "What is she playing at? What's Phil said?"  
"We both agreed to give it no further thought and to focus on my boyfriend who's having a tough time instead as he means more to us." Ben said staring at Callum who blushed.  
"How are you anyway Jay?" Callum steered the conversation away from himself   
"Er yeah, trying to find somewhere to stay. Honey kissed me, Billy seen us. He went mad and threw me out." Jay shook his head.  
"Wait what?" Ben asked in shock. "Come stay with us. We got a spare bedroom aint we? Billy calm down eventually you know what he's like for making rash decisions."  
"Cheers man. Appreciate it." Jay said "that's a weight off my mind"


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callum has another seizure and Ben is amazing

Chapter 2 

A couple of days later everything seemed to be slowly getting back to normal. Callum woke up feeling a bit off colour, and padded down to find Ben, wanting some comfort.  
He found Ben in the kitchen making a cup of coffee. "Make me one too please babe" Callum said sliding down in the chair. "I don't feel right." Ben was on instant alert.  
"How come, what's wrong?" He asked sliding into the chair next to Callums sideways so he was facing him.  
"I...I...Don't know how to describe it....I just don't feel like I'm here...Everything's numb and wierd... and tingly and my heads pounding."  
"Do you want some painkillers, I can go get you some from the bathroom?" Ben asked feeling Callums forehead to see if he was running a temperature.  
"Do you want to go back to bed?" He asked as Phil walked in the kitchen  
"Blimey don't leave on my account" Phil quipped  
"Shut it Dad, Callum says he doesn't feel well, so I wanted to know if he wanted to go for a lie down."  
"My bad, you alright Callum?" Phil replied leaning against the kitchen counter  
"I...I.. I dunno." Callum shook his head as if to clear it. "I'll go for that lie down" he said slowly. "I'll bring you a brew up babe, do you need any help getting up the stairs?"  
"I think I'll be alright." Callum said slowly rising to his feet. The minute that his foot was lifted from the ground his world seemed to distort and fade and he felt his legs lock in place as he fell sideways managing to catch himself on the kitchen counter. He could vaguely hear people talking to him, trying to help to hold him from falling and he felt someone grab his shoulders, he shook them off and lunged at the kitchen table willing the sensations to stop. His arms couldn't work though and his head bounced off the kitchen table as his body seized up and hit the floor jerking. He could hear someone's muffled voice saying his name and then everything faded to black. 

\-----  
"I'll go for that lie down"  
Ben gazed at Callum, he was worried. Something was off with his boyfriend, when he described how he was feeling, and how slow he was speaking. Ben was praying that this wasn't going to be how a seizure started. He didn't let his worry show however. "I'll bring you a brew up babe, do you need any help getting up the stairs?" He asked softly with a reassuring smile on his face. Callum was starting to go really pale and shaky.  
"I think I'll be alright." He watched as Callum slowly stood up and started to stand up with him as he was really concerned. Callum started to turn and suddenly his legs seemed to freeze and Ben tried to grab him but he had already fallen against the counter and was using it to hold himself up. "Callum what's wrong. Cal are you ok?" he asked frantically whilst trying to help Callum up as Phil moved over to lift him back up. The minute he felt Phil's hands grab his shoulders, Callum looked terrified, shrugging them off he shocked them by lunging towards the table. His whole body jerked and locked up, as Phil tried but failed to catch him in time him he smacked his head off the table, laying on the floor motionless with blood streaked across his face.  
"Oh my god Cal," Ben pressed a tea towel into the head wound to try and staunch the bleeding. "Cal are you ok? Babe can you hear me? Callum please!" Ben didn't even realise he was crying. Callum gave a sudden cry before his whole body started shaking and jerking and the seizure took hold.  
"What do we do?" Phil's voice cut through Ben's shock, grounding him back into reality  
"We time it. And then put him in the recovery position" Ben remembered. He fished out his phone and set his stopwatch while Phil manoeuvred the table out of the way and the chairs and Ben lifted Callums head onto his lap, to cushion his head off the tiled floor. "Get Ash dad, I need her I'm out of my depth. I'm scared dad please go get her. I'm not leaving Callum Like this, not when he needs me most."  
"I'll be right back, and I'm ringing an ambulance too, he'll need his head stitching up and checking out" Phil ran out the kitchen door and headed to the Paneesers, dialling 999 as he did so. 

"Cal, you are ok. I'm right here ok. I'm not leaving you, I promise. I'll be here, just you got to come back to me babe, please." He sobbed his eyes closed as he held Callum close, feeling the strong jerks of his limbs against him. "I love you Callum Highway. Please please don't do this, you're safe baby, I've got you." He glanced at the stopwatch on his phone. 1minute 45 seconds. It felt like a lifetime.  
He kept talking to Callum, trying to reassure him, holding him lightly, cradling him gently against him  
He heard Ash coming in followed by an out of breath Phil who was on the phone for an ambulance. He looked up, she was in joggers and had clearly just been woken up.  
"I didn't mean to wake you. It's...I don't know what I'm doing Ash I'm terrified."  
"It's fine, I told you I'd be here when you needed me." She started assessing Callum. "Everythings been moved out of his way, you are cushioning his head, you are timing the seizures. Believe me Ben, you are doing great!"  
"What happened prior to this did you see? She said taking a closer look at his head wound. "Your dad said Callum was having a seizure and I just legged it here."  
"He came down and said he didn't feel right. He said he felt like he wasn't there, he was tingly and numb and he had a really bad headache and he was dead pale....uh...He was gonna go back to bed to rest but uh...uh...He stood up and his body seemed to freeze and as he fell he caught himself, we...we tried to help him back up but he panicked and jerked away he hit his head on the table. We couldn't reach him in time. Then he started seizing."  
Ash started feeling Callums pulse and shining an light in his eyes. "He's normal for someone who his having a seizure, we just have to wait this out. Why don't I watch him until the ambulance get here and you pack an overnight bag for Callum ok. He's going to need tests and observations. I think he may have a mild concussion. Phil pass me a cushion from the living room." Ash took control  
They managed to free Ben's legs and manoeuvre Callum so his head was laying in a cushion and Ash started to unwrap some bandages. Ben stood and with one last desperate look at his beloved lying in the floor in the midst of a seizure he took the stairs two at a time, flinging open his bedroom door grabbing a bag and stuffing Callums dressing gown and favourite pyjamas, fresh tshirt and tracksuit in it, trashing the once tidy bedroom in the process as well as grabbing deodorant and Callums wash bag. He grabbed Callums phone and charger and shoved that in the bag too as well as his own set of clean clothes. His mind was whirling and he raced down the stairs as he heard sirens in the distance. It's only when he catches sight of himself in the mirror. Blood stained trousers and t-shirt and blood stained hands, tear tracks evident on his face that he paused. He looked an absolute mess but he didn't have time to fix that as he raced back to Callums side. Almost breathless with relief when he noticed Callums form laying still. The seizure had stopped. His head was nicely bandaged and he was in the recovery position. Ash had done a good job.  
There was a knock at the door and as Phil let the ambulance crew in. Ben knelt in front of Callum, holding his hand as Ash started to wipe the blood off Callums face.  
Ben zoned out not focusing on Ash relaying everything to the paramedica as his mind replayed the sickeningly loud crack that his boyfriends head had made as it hit the table, staring at the blood coating his hands.  
"Ben?...Ben? We are ready to go in the ambulance now!"  
"Huh?" Ben snapped back into focus "Oh yeah I'm there." He replied grabbing the over night bag. "Dad, tell Stuart please." He said as his dad gave him a quick hug as Ben walked alongside the stretcher to the ambulance which was already drawing attention in the square  
Seeing Whitney and Micks faces when they caught sight of him as they were passing just confirmed how bad this looked. "Ben is that Callum?"  
Ben just nodded shock settling in.  
"He had another fit?" Mick asked "do you want me to look for Stuart?" Ben nodded. Not taking his eyes of Callum as the ambulance crew started hooking him up to machines. "I...i...I asked my dad to look for him...I think" Ben trailed off suddenly unsure  
"You just get to the hospital with Callum ok, me and whit here will help your dad find Stuart ok!" Mick said as he squeezed Ben's shoulder.  
Ben nodded "thanks" he replied before clambering into the ambulance and holding Callums hand in his own.  
Callums face was barely visible in between the thick bandages wrapped around his head and the oxygen mask strapped round his face.  
"So Callums seizure has finished but the ambulance crew just want to take him to hospital for some more tests." Ash said "I'm on shift tonight, so I'll check on you later." Ash clambered out of the ambulance.  
Ben just grasped Callums hand, trying to slow his panicked breathing and his rapidly beating heart. 

\----  
Callum woke to the sounds of beeping, his head was throbbing and he felt like he was going to be sick. His muscles were screaming in protest and he whimpered, overwhelmed with pain. "Cal?" He heard Ben's voice and he felt Ben's hands tentatively reach out and stroke his cheek. He blearily opened his eyes. "Ben!" He gasped out, lifting a shaky and trembling hand to put over Ben's.  
"Sash babe, its ok." Ben still had tears in his eyes "You had another seizure this morning and hit your head pretty badly.  
You will have to stay in over night for some tests, the doctors want to check you over ok" Callum nodded with a wince.  
"Ben...I'm Sorry, I'm so sorry." Callum whispered. Tears sliding down his face.  
"Enough, you stop apologising. This isn't your fault."  
"So why does it feel like it is?" Callum sobbed. "Everything hurts again Ben. I'm in so much pain."  
Ben kissed him "It's not your fault Callum."  
He whispered. "You are loaded up on pain meds, you just need to wait for them to kick in alright." He wrapped Callum in a gentle hug, knowing his boyfriend was feeling vulnerable. Kissing his head  
"I should have taken better care of ya" Ben admitted. "I should have realised you were going to hit the table, should have been quicker."  
"It's not your fault Ben. You are here by my side when I wake up that's all I need. I just...I just feel...like My body is turning against me babe. I don't understand why this is happening. I just get so scared. I know it sounds stupid-"  
"It's not stupid. This is serious, and it's well...life changing. I'd be scared. Hell, Cal I was In bits when I seen you having a seizure. I couldn't do anything but wait it out. I felt useless, and yeah I was terrified, cuz you were hurting, and there was nothing I could do to help." He sniffled and buried his head in the crook of Callums neck. "Don't ever apologise to me for being scared babe, please." He whispered.  
"How about you have a little sleep yeah." He suggested noticing how Tired Callum seemed to be getting.  
"Please don't leave me" Callum mumbled, curling close into Ben's side "need you babe"  
"I ain't going anywhere, you just get some rest yeah?"  
He stroked Callums hair above the bandages. "We will get through this love." He whispered as Callum slowly drifted back to sleep. 

Callum was still fast asleep on Ben's chest, curled into his side when Stuart and Mick arrived.  
"Is he ok? I'm sorry i wasn't here, I was out picking up a headstone this morning. I left my phone at home" Stuart said quietly apologising looking devastated.  
"It's alright Stuart. He hit his head as he had a fit so the doctors are gonna run more tests and keep him in over night." Ben replied "He woke up before but he was tired and in a lot of pain so I convinced him to go back to sleep"  
"Scary aren't they?" Mick asked in sympathy. "Seeing our Nance like that....it sticks with you...You ok Ben?  
"I dunno. I'm more worried about Callum. He keeps asking me why it's happening. And I don't have am answer to give him."  
He remembered the scared pained look on Callums face. "He told me he was terrified, and I told him I'm not leaving his side." Ben tried to fight back the tears.  
"But seeing him like this. He's such a strong guy, physically and Mentally. And right now he's hurting and I don't know how to help him."  
Mick sighed.  
"It's hard, it is I ain't going to lie to you. But don't let it beat you. Yeah? Like we said with Nance, life goes on and if she has a fit, we deal with it, let her recover and then move on. Yeah. Callum is a damn good guy, and he's been in the army being shot at yeah. If he says he's terrified, then we can try and think of ways to make it easier for him."  
"I don't understand why this is happening. He hasn't had these for years." Stuart exclaimed "He was fine for years. I don't like seeing him like this." Stuart rubbed his face pacing slightly.  
"I dont either" Ben added. "It's hard seeing him so vulnerable and in pain."  
"He'll be home soon Ben. You'll both get through this lad." Mick said  
\------  
It was dark when Callum next woke up. He looked around ignoring the sharp pains in his head and neck before his eyes adjusted to the light and he spotted Ben curled up in the chair fast asleep.  
He watched Ben sleep for a few minutes and tried to sit up in bed to flex his sore muscles but ended up crying out at a sharp stabbing pain in his ribs. Ben woke up instantly, his eyes growing wide with shock as he noticed Callums face contorted in pain. "Babe, you should have let me know you were awake. Christ darlin' are you ok? What's up?" He said helping Callum lie back down.  
"My ribs." Callum gasped " sorry I didn't mean to wake you, you looked tired."  
Ben smiled stroking his boyfriends face. That was his Callum putting everyone else's needs over his own, a trait Ben was trying hard to stop.  
"It's fine, I can do with a few hours less sleep babes. It's you who's lying in a hospital bed. Let me be worried about you and not the other way round ok"  
Callum nodded looking exhausted and Ben kissed him. "What were you trying to get up for Cal?"  
"I was just trying to sit up. My muscles are killing me, I can't seem to get comfy, and my heads all fuzzy. I hate this Ben."  
"Sshhhh" Ben cupped Callums face with his hands. "Your doing amazing yeah. You've got this. I'm by your side every step of the way. I am worried about you I'm not gonna lie...This is scary stuff Cal. This is a big deal. But together we will keep going yeah. Whatever you need you just let me know and I'll do it." Ben tried to help support him, knowing that the fear and the pain and stress that he felt Callum would be feeling it ten times over.  
He pulled Callum into a gentle but protective hug, mindful of his sore muscles. "I love you Ben, I need you, I can't cope Babe, I just don't understand" Callum sobbed into Ben's Chest as Ben slowly rocked him "Everything was going so well. I just don't get it"  
"I don't understand it either babe." Ben tried not to cry but felt tears sliding down his cheeks and land on Callums hair. "But while you've been asleep the doctors have taken more tests yeah and blood samples so hopefully we will get some answers soon yeah?" He kissed the top of Callums head. "We will find a way to cope together yeah. Just like you did for me when I was deaf! I ain't giving up on you Callum. I love you too much. I will be here for you every step of the way." He drew back swiping the tears out of his eyes. "That reminds me babe. While you were having a scan done. An MRI one I went down to the cafeteria and got you these". He said pulling out two bottles of Lucozade and a huge bag of crisps and a sandwich from the over night bag and putting them on the table.  
"Thanks" Cal gave him a weak smile grabbing the bottle of lucosade with shaky hands. Ben pulled Callum back against his chest.  
"Whatever happens Callum...I've got you yeah! Always" 

\------  
Ben was woken up by Ash the next morning, disorientated he looked down at Callums sleeping form as he lay curled up in Ben's arms. "Oh Sorry, I er..." Ben trailed off  
"Its ok, i just wanted to let you know that when Callum wakes up he can go home. He may seem tired again and his muscles will be painful. I'd recommend a day of complete bed rest today be it in bed or on the sofa and keep him hydrated. The test results are still inconclusive but that's not a shock. It just means it may take a bit longer to find the cause. This is fairly common i am afraid." Ash gently unhooked an empty bag of IV fluids from Callums hand and removed the cannula putting a large plaster on  
"The doctors will be in touch with an appointment either tomorrow or Friday and help you understand about tonic clonic and grand mal seizures and to let you know if anymore results have come back"  
"Ash, thanks for everything. I really appreciate it" Ben responded with a small smile.  
"It's no bother Ben, you just make sure he rests ok."  
Ben nodded "I'll try" he smiled as she winked and walked back to the nurses station.  
He looked back down at Callum asleep curled up against him. His face peaceful and pain free and oh so handsome. He slowly traced the outline of his boyfriends face with his finger, not quite wanting to bring him to a state of consciousness where he would feel pain but knowing that Callum would rather be at home as soon as possible. "Babe?" He gently tried to wake Callum. "Cal, darling?"  
Cal eyes flickered open before closing again "5 more minutes" he mumbled burying his head in Ben's chest causing him to chuckle. "Sooner you wake up babe , the sooner ya can go home!"  
"Home?" Callums eyes snapped open and he lifted himself off Ben's chest with a wince. "With you?"  
"Yes with me, who else?" Ben teased  
"Doctor said you've got to spend the day resting."  
"That sounds good" said Cal said with a dopey smile. "I'd best wake up then hadn't I?"  
"I brought you some clean comfy clothes yeah, so why don't I help you to the bathroom, and I'll ring my dad to give us a lift home while you get freshened up?"  
"That sounds like a plan babe!" Callum blinked tiredly. He slowly shuffled his body off the bed, and Ben could see the pain it was causing Callum. "Take it Easy yeah, you are still half asleep baby!"  
He grabbed the overnight bag and helped Callum walk slowly towards the bathrooms on the ward. He kissed Callum tenderly. "I'm just gonna go find somewhere with a signal babe, I'll be back soon ok?"  
Callum nodded shuffling into the bathroom, closing the door behind him.   
He looked at his reflection in the mirror and sighed. It wasn't supposed to be like this. He felt so embarrassed. He knew Ben was being wonderful about it, he felt so lucky to have such a caring and attentive boyfriend. He just felt like he was surrounded by fog. The epilepsy diagnosis looming over him, he was trying to pretend like it wasn't happening. He slowly undressed and showered reveling in the feel of the hot water on his aching muscles. Gladly pulling on his comfy tracksuit. He slowly repacked his old clothes and tried to regain his composure before stepping back outside. 

When Callum emerged from the bathroom he found Ben waiting outside in the corridor.  
"Hey you manage ok?" Ben said walking up to Callum and grabbing the bag off him. "I'll carry this babe, don't worry." He slipped his arm around Callums waist, and felt Callums muscles trembling slightly under his fingers. "Come on, let's make a slow walk down to the car park yeah? If you need a rest then let me know alright?"  
"Love you" he heard Callum mumble.  
He slowly walked Callum to the entrance oitside, and found a bench. "My dad shouldn't be too long!" He said, holding Callums hand. "You look like you are in a lot of pain still! Is it your muscles?"  
"Yeah, they are unbelievably sore." Callum said "glad to be sat down to be honest. That was a trek."  
Ben smiled sadly.  
"How about I run you a nice hot bath when we get home hmm?"  
"That sounds amazing" Callum said "Thank you!"  
"Hey you don't have to thank me alright." Ben said positioning himself so that he was looking Callum in the eyes. "When or should I say If you have a seizure...I will be looking after you afterwards alright! I mean it Callum. I'm gonna do whatever I can to get you through this."  
He felt Callum shiver against him  
"You cold babe? Do you want my coat?"  
"It's just my muscles, I'll be alright." He leaned against Ben. "I'm so scared of having another one Ben. I hate this!"  
"I know darling, I know." Ben held Callum against him, as his dad pulled into the parking bay to pick them up. "Come on, let's get you home and comfy yeah." He helped Callum to his feet and they got in the car. 

When they got back Lexi and Lola were waiting.  
"Oh callum" Lola said kissing his cheek. "I'm so glad your back home. I seen the ambulance. Lexi has been wondering where you were."  
"Callums not been very well sweetheart" Ben explained "He'll be ok, he just needs rest and looking after yeah?"  
Lexi nodded and bounded into the kitchen to see her grandad.   
Callum sunk onto the sofa, instantly curling up to try and ease the ache running through his entire body.  
"Yeah you do look pretty bad Cal. And you've got stitches blimey you have been in the wars" Lola said as she sat next to him. "Bet you are glad to be back home now ..well...I think you and Ben should have a quiet day to yourselves and get some rest while I take Lexi christmas shopping as I am really behind!" She got back up . "Come on Lex, bye guys!"  
\----------------

"You alright babe?" Ben asked sitting on the sofa next to Callum and pulling his boyfriends legs over his lap. Kneading and massaging the muscles in his thighs, he could feel the sheer tension in them.  
"Thanks babe" Callum said turning to face him "I'm really glad you are here, I'm so lucky to have you."  
"I love you too Callum Highway. I'm here for you. 100%. You just need to take it easy now yeah. Your body has had two seizures and a head wound in less than a week now yeah. I can't imagine how sore you are yeah, but it's ok. Because I'm here to look after ya. I'm here because there is literally nowhere else i would rather be right now except helping you get back on your feet yeah?" He wrapped Callum in a gentle hug, they stayed like that for a few minutes, just soaking each other in Before Callum drew a back. "Any chance of that bath then?" He teased.  
"Anything for you babe!" He kissed Callums forehead and jogged upstairs.  
He ran Callums bath and got some fresh towels ready but his mind was whirling. He hated seeing Callum in so much pain and terrified of having another seizure. He thought back to watching his Boyfriends body jerking on the floor with blood running down his face and a tear escaped, he started to cry but muffled it when he heard Callums slow and unsteady footsteps coming up the stairs.  
"Are you alright Ben?" Callum said tiredly as he leant I'm the open doorway.  
"Yeah, I'm ok..sorry...I just didn't like seeing you like that Cal. I couldn't help you. I just wished I could make it stop. I wanted the seizure to stop" Ben's tears soon matched Callums.  
"I'm sor-"  
"Don't say you are sorry babe. Never say you are sorry for this. It's out of your control Ok!" Ben said firmly coming over to where Callum was leaning on the doorframe, cradling his head in his hands and kissing him tenderly before guiding Callum to sit on the edge of the bathtub as he checked the temperature. "I'm not gonna leave you to have a nice hot soak alone ok. I'm really worried that you are gonna fall asleep in the bathtub alright you look knackerrd. So I'm just gonna sit here on the bathroom floor and catch up with my emails."  
Callum slowly undressed and stepped into the bath, gladly sinking into it.  
"Oh my god" he said in relief  
"Better?" Ben asked with a grin.  
"Definitely. Thanks babe." Callum said closing his eyes and feeling his muscles relax  
"You don't need to thank me baby. So what do you want to do about this bed rest then? Could watch a Christmas film downstairs later? I'm pretty sure we have popcorn."  
Callum smiled with his eyes still closed. "Sounds perfect actually"  
There was a long but comfortable silence.  
"I'm proud of you, you know." Ben said suddenly. "You've come so so far Callum, I just don't want you to suffer in silence yeah. If you want to talk about anything then you can you know."  
"Thanks Ben but I'm not even too sure how I feel myself to be honest. Everything is just messed up right now." Callum sighed, his eyes drifting shut as waves of fatigue hit him Ben stayed quiet knowing his boyfriend had something on his mind.  
Eventually Callum spoke. "And it's not just the pain afterwards, its more the not knowing when it's gonna happen next or even what's happening when I'm having one. It's the weird sensations you feel, and how everything is...just not ok! I'm exhausted Ben."  
"I know baby, I know." Ben said crawling over to lean over the edge of the bathtub and kiss Callums lips gently. "The doctors will hopefully have the answers. They should be ringing up with an appointment soon" he ran his hand through Callums hair. "You are so strong babe. You don't even realise how strong you are. I know you can get through this Cal. And I will be there for you to lean on every step of the way."  
"Thank you. I mean it babe. There's no words to say how much I love you." Callum said starting to fall asleep  
"Whoa, stay awake babe yeah, I know you are tired, but let's get you out of the bath first yeah?" He managed to rouse Callum enough to get him out of the bath, dried and dressed in his pyjamas. "Come on babe, you look exhausted eh. Why don't you go for a sleep in our bed yeah, I'm pretty tired too. I just need to give it a quick tidy just wait here yeah babe. I'll be back before you know it." He pressed a kiss to Callums forehead, remembering the state of the bedroom after he packed the overnight bag.  
He padded into the bathroom and hurriedly tidied the bedroom shoving all the loose clothes on the floor back in their drawers, plumping the pillows and straightening out the duvet. He went back into the bathroom to find Callum half asleep leaning against the bath. "Come on babe, let's get you off this cold floor and into our very comfy bed yeah?" He slung Callums arms over his shoulder and hoisted him off the floor. He carried most of Callums weight, managing to stagger into the bedroom and manoeuvre Callum onto the bed.  
"Sleep now yeah, I'm gonna join ya babe, I'm knackered as well." He changed into his Pyjamas, slid in next to Callum and pulled the duvet over them both. He put his arm around Callums waist and snuggled up to his boyfriend. "I'm here baby, I love you." He whispered to Callum. He felt Callums hand entwine with his own.  
"Love you too." Callum mumbled already half asleep. 

\-------------  
Ben managed about an hours sleep curled up next to Callum their limbs entangled as they tried to comfort each other before he woke up  
After a few minutes of watching Callum sleeping peacefully he got his phone out and started trying to learn as much as he could about eilepsy so that he would be able to hopefully understand what Callum was going through and also understand whatever the doctors might possibly be able to tell them about what was currently going on. He had read loads of websites and tried to make sense of the information he was learning before he put his phone away when Callum started to slowly wake up. "Hey darling" Ben said with a small smile. "You had a nice sleep?"  
Callum nodded stretching slightly. "Yeah, you didn't have to stay if you've got stuff to do Ben. I don't want you getting behind on stuff."   
"Nonsense" Ben replied firmly "you need looking after." He paused cupping Callums face and rubbing his cheek with his thumb. "I meant what I said, I'm gonna be here to help you after a seizure ok. Callum I don't think you realise just how amazing you were when I was deaf. Babe you were so supportive. Let me return the favour yeah. I can't imagine how painful it is to have a seizure or how scary. I know you Callum Highway, you keep everything bottled up inside, and you don't have to anymore ok. Not about this. Ok?"   
Callum pulled him in for a fierce Kiss.  
"So you going to get up now or do you want to stay in bed a bit longer?" Ben asked giving Callum soft kisses up and down his neck as he felt Callums body start to respond. "Stay in bed for sure" Callum whispered pulling Ben in for another fierce kiss. 

An hour later found Callum and Ben holding each other close in bed.  
"Well you are looking better" Ben teased taking Callums face in his hands and leaning up for a kiss.  
"I feel better" Callum said "still a bit tired and achey but I'm alright, especially after that."  
"You still need to take it Easy babe" Ben replied "but I am so glad you are feeling better." He kissed Callum again.  
"Love you" Callum whispered against Ben's forehead holding him close.  
Ben nuzzled into Callums shoulder. "And I love you" he whispered back. Callum pulled away slowly. "What time is it ?"He asked Ben  
"Twenty five past two" Ben said checking his watch "why?"  
Callum shook his head with a smile. "Just feels like I've slept for days is all"  
Ben smiled. "So do you want to go downstairs for a bit, or we could go somewhere for lunch."  
"I dunno, the sofa does sound pretty good right now if I'm honest!"  
"The sofa it is then" Ben said, stroking Callums face with a smile.  
They went downstairs where Callum curled up on the sofa and Ben went into the kitchen to make them both a hot brew, which he brought through and placed on the coffee table.  
"Lift up babe" he said sliding in behind Callum so Callum was leaning against his chest.  
Callum snuggled in against him. "Comfy?" Ben asked grinning. "What d'ya wanna watch babe?"  
They surfed through the channels, before they decided on an midsomer murder episode.  
"So maybe its the Gardener killing everyone?"  
"Cal, babe, why would the gardener be killing everyone? Look he's quite happy there tending to his....roses or whatever"  
"Well he has links to the other victims though and motive."  
"Yeah but so does the librarian, and she has access to loads of information on how to get away with murder"  
"Nah, she wouldn't kill them...would she?"  
"I dunno babe" Ben pressed a kiss to Callums head as they watched the drama unfold. "Oh my god thats probably the librarian dead now...RUN girl RUN" Ben shouted causing Callum to laugh. "Owww, my ribs" he gasped   
"Shit sorry babe" Ben said "you alright?"  
"Yeah ill be fine" Callum responded. Leaning his head back so he could look Ben in the face he lifted his hand to run through Ben's hair. "Are you ok?"   
"I'm fine babe." Ben replied with a gentle kiss. "Just enjoying being with you." He stroked Callums hair  
"Should we get Takeout for dinner. Lexi will be back soon? Could get Chinese?"  
"That sounds great!" Callum said "I'm so lucky to have you babes"  
"You are the amazing one Cal, you need to believe in yourself more." Ben sighed. "You are so strong Cal. I love you so much. And whatever happens I'm right here ok?"  
Callum nodded before stifling a yawn.  
"You tired again babe?" Ben asked with a chuckle  
"A little bit, but I'm alright. Honest" Callum pushed himself into a sitting position. "Eurgh I hate this." He muttered   
Ben squoze Callums shoulder. "I know you do." He comforted before the front door burst open. "Daddddddy....daddddyyyyyy" lexi burst in "daddy Look!" She said holding out a bag. Ben gingerly took it, and opened it. "Wow, that's pretty isn't it?" He said taking out a stuffed alsation dog with a lead attached. "He got a name babe?"  
Lexi shook her head. "Its a Girl doggy daddy!" "You know when I was in the army we had an alsation bomb dog, k9 unit, she was called Major" Callum responded as Lola brought in another bag.  
"She shown you the dog then?" Lola sighed "she wouldn't stop going on about getting a puppy for Christmas, so I told her if she looked after that one then she might get one next year." She rummaged through the bags and pulled out a soft velveteen blanket. "I seen this for you Callum" she said passing it him "proper comfy for ya"   
Callum smiled "thank you" before he wrapped himself up in it. Melting into the softness he sighed contentedly "So then what you gonna call your doggy Lex!" Callum smiled.  
Lexi scrunched up her face deep in thought. "So if you had a doggy called major then my doggy has got to be...MISSY!"  
Lexi shrieked "walkies Missy!" She grabbed the lead and ran out of the room to her bedroom "Im gonna show you my room"  
Ben chuckled. "Well she's happy" Phil said walking in the living room.  
"Yeah she's got a toy dog to look after now" lola explained  
"Called Missy" Callum added with a smile  
"Your looking better Cal!" Lexi said with a smile "God this morning you looked bloody awful"  
"Cheers thanks for that!" Callum said shaking his head with a smile  
"Sorry but you did!" Lola shrugged.  
"I was thinking of ordering Chinese for tea?" Ben said changing the subject. "I can't be bothered cooking, Callums got to rest today. Lola...sorry but your cooking ain't great!"  
"Oi"Lola swatted Ben on the arm. "Whilst there is nowt wrong with my cooking a Chinese does sound amazing". 

\-------------- 

Later that night Callum and Ben were stretched out on the sofa, cuddling up under Callums new blanket watching a Tarantino film.   
"You alright babe?" Ben asked, his fingers trailing down Callums arm. Callum looked up at him. "Yeah fine." He answered plastering a smile on his face. It didn't fool Ben. "You ain't though" Ben replied with a searching look. "You can talk to me darlin, I won't judge ya, you know that"   
"I just...I'm just tired of being tired and feeling sore and achy." Callum mumbled "I'm tired of waking up in hospital not knowing whats gone on. I'm tired of worrying about whether I'm going to have another one"  
"I know babe, but right now we've just got to wait for the doctors plan of action." Ben kissed Callum's head "I can't do much else except be here for you Callum when this happens, make sure you get back on your feet ok, but I'm not leaving you Callum I love you too Damn much for that ok. I'm going to be here every step of the way for you. Ok?  
Callum nodded. "I know you say I've got nothing to apologise for. But I feel like I do."  
"No...you don't" Ben said firmly. "However bad this is for me, its tons worse for you innit? So you do not apologise for this." He buried his head against Callums. "I've got you baby...ok!"  
Callum nodded tears threatening to fall. "You know growing up i never had anyone to rely on Ben, my dad was either drunk, high or so desperate to either get a drink or a fix. It was like me and Stu we didnt exist to him, so we had to fend for ourselves, try and pay the bills, buy whatever food we could afford or nick. I guess I'm trying to say that I don't have much practice at being taken care of or having someone to open up to. I mean Stu he really tried, he did but he was just a kid himself. It was hard Ben."  
"I know Babe" Ben said pushing Callum up so he could sit up straight and look his boyfriend in the eyes as he cupped his face  
"I know you are used to keep everything bottled up about your childhood and how you are really feeling and let's be honest your dad's a homophobic idiot who don't deserve to be your dad." He gave Callum a sad smile. "But you are my boyfriend Callum, you and Lexi are my world. I want to help you through this darlin. I mean that. I'm going to be by your side through it all ok?"   
He brushed away a tear that slid down Callums face. "Ssshhh. Its ok" he whispered as he leant his forehead. "Its ok" he whispered over and over again as Callum sobbed against him, as Ben held him close, "its ok baby, I'm here" he heard the front door open as Phil came home and came into the living room,and shook his head to silently tell his dad to just leave them be for a bit.   
"Its ok baby, I'm not gonna let you do this alone. If it happens, it happens and we get you better again and we move on ok. We don't have to make this into a big deal if you don't want to, ok? I'm just wanting to help you share the burden ok. Because that's what you do for people you love isn't it hey? You return the favour"   
He felt Callum chuckle slightly. "So come on, let's dry those tears yeah. Let's get you to bed babe, ok. You look exhausted." At Callums consenting nod he helped Callum off the sofa before grabbing the blanket and following his boyfriend up the stairs, Callum stripped to his boxers and crawled into the bed, before Ben tucked him in and placed the blanket over the duvet. "Sleep yeah, ill be back up in a few minutes ok?"  
He padded back down into the kitchen where his dad was sat in the kitchen in his laptop.  
"He alright?" Phil asked not looking away from his screen   
"Yeah, just...his...his stupid dad, the shit he put Callum through as a kid. He was NEVER there for him." Ben paced frustrated "Callums never been looked after Dad. He doesn't know how to rely on people and focus on himself and not other people, how to put himself first"  
"Its not first nature to him is it, it'll take time for him to let you in to his head Ben, so just keep doing what ya doing and supporting him."  
"Thanks dad" Ben said grabbing a glass of water before going back upstairs.  
Callum was already fast asleep, his long form sprawled out in the King size bed, and Ben smiled at how peaceful his boyfriend seemed. He stripped to his boxers and crawled in beside Callum, drifting off to sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The doctor has the results back, but it's not good news. Ben knows he can't protect Callum from this, so does everything he can to help him through it

chapter 3 -   
Thank you for my first review, I have written 6 chapters so far. Enjoy the next installment

"So we have had a result from all the tests that we have run and we do have an answer for what is causing these seizures" the Doctor explained to Ben and Callum who were sat in her office.   
"However it isn't the news we were hoping for. I'm sorry Callum but you have a cancerous lymphoma on your brain which is causing these seizures, its not epilepsy as such, the chemotherapy treatment we have drafted out for you should treat the cancer and then the seizures should hopefully stop fully."  
"Cancer?" Ben asked in shock "is the cause of all this?"  
"Yes, I'm sorry its not the good news we were hoping for. That's why we have been running so many tests. I'm afraid we will ask you to come back just before new Year to discuss a chemotherapy regime for you. I know that this is scary. However with chemotherapy you should be ok. The lymphoma will more than likely be treated and the seizures should no longer occur. Do either of you have any further questions?"  
Callum shook his head mutely, overwhelmed with shock and fear.  
Ben was just staring at Callum, disbelief all over his face "babe?" He asked trying to be strong but hearing his own voice quiver with fear. "Are you sure?" He asked the doctor who nodded sadly. "I'm afraid so. I know this is a lot to take in ok. Why don't you go home and think things through, if you have any questions then here is my number." She said passing Ben her card.   
"Can I go now?" Callum asked in a shaky monotone voice. The doctor nodded politely and Callum shot up and out of the room leaving Ben to grab his coat, thank the doctor and hurry after him. He jogged after him, shortly catching up with him and held his hand causing Cal to look at him "come on babe, we will sort this out. Ok we can get through this." Callum remained silent as they reached the car. "Cal, its ok you can talk to me" Ben said as he pulled out of the carpark. "I honestly don't know what to say Ben. I can't get my head around it...Cancer. I just...this is not what I was expecting!" Callum said "I...i don't understand"  
"Me neither babe." Ben said rubbing his hand over his face as he stopped at a red light. "This is a massive shock for us yeah" he held one of Callum's hands "we will still get through this Callum. We just have to stick together yeah?" Ben kissed callum causing the car behind to honk as the light had turned green.   
"So what do I do now?" Callum asked "I can't think straight Ben"  
"Well I dunno...I guess we get our heads round it, talk it out, figure out if we have any questions to ask the doctors and then decide who you are gonna tell like Jack and Stuart and Rainie"  
Callum just looked at him clearly devastated. "I hate upsetting people Ben. I hate it."   
"I know you do darling but they deserve to know. They care about ya, they will want to help in their own ways." Ben sighed "maybe even talk to Jean, she had it didn't she? maybe she can help?"  
"Will you help me tell them?" Callum asked him nervously  
"Of course, I'm here to help you any way I can. Remember that babe ok. All you have to do is ask."  
They lapsed into a comfy silence. Both too wrapped up in their own thoughts to bother making conversation.  
"I dont want to be a burden on you" Callum said breaking the silence and startling Ben out of his thoughts. "Callum, you are my boyfriend. I love ya, I WANT to help ya through this. Don't ever think that you will be a burden on me ok?" He said pulling into Albert Square.   
"Come on darling, let's get you inside yeah?" Ben asked giving Callum a quick kiss as he parked up.  
They went inside and Callum sat curled up on the sofa lost in his thoughts while Ben made them both a brew and brought it through into the lounge. He sat next to his boyfriend holding his hand. "Whats going through your head babe?" Ben coaxed trying to get Callum to open up a bit to him. He hated the numb and withdrawn persona Callum had taken on.   
Callum shook his head. "I can't think. My heads spinning. I just can't believe that....that...I have...Cancer. its all just too much for me to process right now." He nursed his cup in his hands. "I just know that I'm scared....sod that...Ben I'm terrified, and I don't even know what I'm scared of." Callum started to cry, Ben wiping away his tears. "I know its a lot to take in right now. And your emotions are all over the place, but you will beat this babe. We will get through this together, we will trust the doctors yeah and listen to what they say. This ain't gonna be easy Callum yeah, not by a long shot but we've got to get through it yeah. I love you Cal!" He pulled Callum into his chest. Letting his own tears fall. "Love you too" he heard Callum respond.  
They heard Phil cleaning his throat and pulled away. "Sorry Dad" Ben jumped in squeezing Callums hand "we had some bad news from the doctors, we are still tring to get our head round it."   
Phil sighed "why what did they say?"  
"That its a cancerous lymphoma in his brain. Its cancer dad!" He started crying again and Callum reached out to hold him against him.  
"Well I'm seriously sorry to hear that Callum. You need anything, you let me know. But you'll beat this. You are a tough lad." Callum finished the last of his brew nodding at Phil. "I hope so" he muttered.   
"Nah I mean it" Phil said "just follow what the doctors say and focus on yourself Callum. Now I've got to get some divorce papers signed by Ritchie and then I've got to recover a motor. Do you want anything while I'm out?" He asked  
"Just get some food in dad, lexi is having dinner here tonight and we are running a bit low"   
Phil nodded grabbing his jacket and leaving them to it.  
"Never one for emotions my dad" Ben quipped trying to smile.  
"Its alright" Callum replied squeezing Ben's hand.   
Ben shook his head. "What do you wanna do?"  
"I dunno" Callum replied with a small forced smile. "Not going out and seeing anyone sounds pretty good."   
Ben sighed stroking Callums face "I know it does baby but you can't hide away for ever." He kissed Callum softly "how about I make us some breakfast and you can decide if you want to do some last minute Christmas shopping up town ok help take our minds off things for a bit yeah?" Callum nodded and Ben kissed him again before handing Callum the TV remote and retreating into the kitchen. Callum slunk back into the couch, immersing himself in his comfy blanket, he found an old episode of red dwarf and left that on, even though his mind was racing too much to concentrate on the shows storyline. He had sodding cancer. His life was about to turn into a rollercoaster ride. And how was he going to tell Stuart? How was Ben coping really with this? This was not what he was expecting from the doctors. He was startled out of his thoughts when Ben handed him a bacon butty.   
"Penny for em?" Ben asked sitting next to him with his own bacon roll.   
"There's too many. Mainly i don't know how I'm going to tell Stuart." He shook his head. "Hes already having a bad time, I just feel guilty making him feel worse, I just don't know what to say at all, I don't want to tell him babe."  
"You have to tell him at some point." Ben sighed "i understand why you don't want to, I do get it." He flopped back on the sofa. "Would it be easier if I told Stuart?" He asked looking at Callum.  
Callum worried his lip in between his teeth. "I couldn't ask you to do that Ben!" He shook his head.  
"Honestly, its fine. If it stops you worrying, then ill be helping out ok and I want to help you as much as I can Babe" Ben kissed "I'm scared too Callum" he whispered "but that's ok. Because we've got each other."  
Callum pulled Ben into a hug. "Thank you" was all he could say as he kissed Ben's head finishing his breakfast.   
"I'm also worried about you" Callum bit his lip. "This is hard for you Ben as well. You can't deny it."  
"I'm not going to deny it. I'm absolutely devastated Callum. You are such a good and caring person. You don't deserve this. I'm...I'm still trying to get my head round it but every time I start to think about it, I just want to cry." Ben openly admitted. "I love you Callum, and I know how awful chemo is and I'm gonna do whatever I can to see you through it! I promise you that darlin' ok. I promise you that." He sniffled wiping his eyes as Callum cupped the back of his head and pulled him into a comforting hug  
"So you want to go up town and go shopping?" Ben asked a few minutes later looking hopeful with a watery smile as he stroked Callums cheekbones  
Callum smiled at him knowing that he still hadn't finished his Christmas shopping. "sure, that sounds great!" 

\----------  
"Its bloody busy!" Callum gasped out as he got elbowed by an elderly lady trying to shove her way through the crowds "ouch"  
"Come on babe" Ben said chuckling steering Callum affectionately through the throng of people. "Where to first?"   
"Dunno. I need to get Rainie a present still, and I want to get some new tracksuits."  
"OK so JD sports and then the indoor shopping mall"  
They managed to get all of their shopping done and sat down in a cafe to get some lunch. "Phew I'm exhausted Cal. What you having?" Ben said after looking at the menu. "Cal?" He asked upon getting no response, glancing up at his boyfriend. "Cal?" He nudged his hand. At the lack of response Ben sighed holding Callums hand as he continued staring unfocused at the menu.  
He supposed it was the stress that was causing this...partial seizure or maybe it was the cancer, he rubbed his hand over his face, staring at Callum for a few minutes watching for...some kind of life , "Callum?" He squoze his hand. "CAL" he said as loud as he could, without attracting attention.  
Callum blinked for a few seconds clearly confused.  
"Sorry what?" He shook his head to clear it. "I was miles away then."   
"What you wanting to eat babe?" Ben said with a smile acting as though nothing had happened   
"Dunno, suprise me." Callum said with a cheeky grin.   
Ben shook his head smiling. "Alright" he went up to the counter.  
He returned five minutes later, sliding into his chair. "Sorted" he said "is there anywhere else you want to go after this?"   
"Er no don't think so." Callum replied thoughtfully. "I've enjoyed this though babe, its been great"   
"I am glad to hear that Cal" Ben smiled at him. "I'm worried about ya y'know."  
"I know, my heads just all over the place. Its still not fully sunk in yet." Callum shook his head "it just feels like a bad dream I can't wake up out of" he sighed. "But I'm getting there...slowly" he stroked Ben's hand with his thumb. "But i was thinking that maybe instead of ruining peoples Christmas." He paused trying to find the right words. "Well l was thinking its only 3 days away, can't i just tell them after Christmas? I just want everyone to have a nice Christmas."  
"I know you do baby" Ben replied sympathetically "but waiting to tell them is just going to make it harder, and I know you Callum Highway, after Christmas you'll want to wait until new year. You can't postpone this baby. I wish we could. But people like Stuart and Rainie deserve to know whats going on. Its you thats being affected by this Callum. They'll just want to help and do whatever they can to make this easier on you. They will be upset yeah, but they won't think its your fault ok?" He looked at Callum feeling heartbroken  
"Babe, when the doctor told us that today. My heart dropped. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. It was a huge shock Callum. It still is. I don't know what to say or do. I'm just trying to support you through this. Because even though you are a strong guy, its ok to lean on people to help get you through this-" Ben was cut short by the food arriving at their table.  
"Chocolate cake?" Callum smiled  
"You said to surprise you babe!" Ben shot back playfully "plus if anyone deserves chocolate cake for lunch its you!"   
"awesome" Callum replied digging in. "That's delicious" he added  
Ben picked up his cheese toastie. "It did look nice" he replied "ok...so how about we go back and see Jean. I mean i know I'm not very welcome in their household after Kush messed the job up but I know Jean will help. We can ask her whether we should wait to tell people and what to expect yeah?"  
"You know I am nervous but yeah I reckon she can help me." Callum agreed "she won't tell anyone though will she?"   
"Hah" Ben scoffed "no she won't. I don't get on with the Slater family but Jeans a good one. Suki lied about having cancer didn't she and Jean found out and went mental!"  
"Oh yeah" Callum chuckled "in the middle of the Vic with Shirley"   
"Thats the one" Ben smiled at the memory

\-------------------------

"What do you want?" Stacey said rudely flinging the door open   
"Is Jean in?" Ben asked "need her advice"  
"Shes in the kitchen" Stacey said letting them in.   
Jean was cleaning the kitchen.  
"Oh hello I didn't expect visitors today, sit down, sit down" Jean ushered them to the kitchen table "what can I do for you?" she said shutting the kitchen door for privacy.  
"Well...er...I....well" Callum struggled to form a sentence. Ben sighed taking his hand in his own. "The doctors say Callums seizures are being caused by brain cancer. We just don't know....well...anything"  
"Oh Callum, sweetie" Jean said "it is hard when you first hear those words. Such a shock, you feel like your heart has momentarily just stopped beating." She poured them both a brew.  
"It isn't nice, it isn't pleasant and the chemo is the worst." She said sadly "I'm not going to lie to you. Its hard"  
"Its Christmas soon. I don't know whether to tell people now or just wait until after" Callum responded looking stressed "putting it off doesn't make it easier. I tried that, and I kept putting it off and putting it off. Its best to tell them and get it over with. I know its hard. Believe me. I know how much this is to take in. Its terrifying isn't it?" Jean paused smiling sadly as both Ben and Callum nodded in agreement. "So just make the most out if the good times" she finished firmly "dont take no hassle and I learnt to put myself first for a change" Jean smiled "I've never done that before." She swigged her tea "I guess my battle with cancer gave me confidence and self respect" she looked at Ben "Daniel had cancer too!" She reminisced "God at first I thought he was the most annoying man. Couldnt stand him always moaning and groaning. I helped him to be more positive and patient and he helped me to be more forceful and stand up for myself more" she smiled with tears in her eyes. "Just don't try and cope alone, because I'm just not sure it's possible."   
"Sorry Jean we didn't mean to upset ya" Ben said feeling awkward   
"No, this is fine. I'll be here to support anyone who goes through this. And I know that you two aren't lying about this like Suki did because I can see it in your eyes. The fear of the unknown." She gave a watery smile. "Youll beat this Callum. You just have to really push past the hard days. I did a bucket list of things I needed more confidence to do to keep me going"  
"Thanks Jean" Callum replied.  
"Go on...go and tell Stuart...go and do it now...get it over and done with. The longer you leave it the harder it will be." They left the kitchen and she opened the front door. "If you need anything then let me know. I'm here to help ok?" 

\--------------- 

"You gonna buzz em or we just gonna stand out here in the cold?" Ben asked softly. They were stood outside Rainie and Stuarts flat with Callum not being able to ring the bell for the past 5 minutes.  
"I can't do this Ben" Callum said emotionally turning to go. Ben stopped him and pulled him into a hug. "I'm not going to force you on this. But baby its never going to be easy. There is no 'right time' for this, Stuart is your brother" Ben pulled away. "Look the offers still on the table for me to tell him if it helps." Callum nodded. "I can't do it I'm sorry. I'm so sorry" Callum whispered sounding broken. "Its ok...I understand babe, honestly I get it...look why don't you go home, get a shower and chill on the sofa, i shouldn't be long. Don't worry ok." He replied softly.  
"Thanks" Callum said kissing Ben before turning to leave   
Ben watched him go, before ringing the buzzer.  
"Ello?" He heard Rainie over the intercom   
"Its Ben I need a word with you and Stuart please. Its er...urgent"   
He heard the buzz as he was allowed entrance and slowly ascended the stairs. Stuart greeted him as he walked into the living room.  
"Hey Stuart...Rainie" he said sitting down on the sofa.  
"Whats so urgent Ben?" Stuart asked sitting down aswell with Rainie.  
"We got some results back off the doctor this morning and Callum couldn't handle telling you himself, he didn't want....to upset you."  
"Upset me...Ben what did they say" Stuart asked concerned  
Ben sighed "Callum has got...Cancer...lymphoma in the brain thats been causing his seizures. We are going to get a chemotherapy regime next time we see the doctor."  
Stuart didn't say anything looking devastated  
"Oh my god. Poor Callum" Rainie whispered in the silence. "How is he?"   
"Hes at home while I tell you, he was terrified about ruining your Christmas. He's still getting his head round it...we went to see Jean before. I think that helped him a bit. He's just in shock like we all are." Ben swallowed back tears.  
"Why can't he catch a break?" Stuart finally spoke. "Hes a great guy, he's my brother. He doesn't deserve this. He should be happy. We didnt have a good childhood and I thought he would be happy when we left home, he don't deserve this" Stuart shook his head. "Tell him to come see me tomorrow yeah. He can have his Christmas present early. Hopefully it will cheer him up a bit....oh my god...." he buried his head in his hands.   
"I will do...ill....er leave you to it then yeah. I'm sorry to be the one to tell you guys but Callum couldn't bring himself to do it, he's too shook up still."  
"Nah its fine" Stuart said "thank you for helping him tell me. Tell him I am upset but not at him. Tell him I love him yeah" Ben nodded before leaving. 

When he got home he heard the shower running and his dad was unpacking the shopping.  
"Want some help dad?" Ben offered.   
"Yeah alright then" Phil replied "lexi will be here within half hour. I was going to do her them chicken nuggets she's mad on."  
"Oh god she's obsessed with em." Ben chuckled, as he unpacked the shopping bags.   
"How are ya doing?" Phil asked him   
"I dunno dad. Callums terrified and I can't blame him. I'm terrified aswell"   
"I'm here for you both yeah. Callum has been good for you, and he's helped me out. He's trustworthy...he's decent...I dunno...what I'm trying to say is that...he only needs to ask for something and I will sort it yeah. I'm here for you both. You're my son Ben. You both love each other. You know if Sharon and Ian can have a sham wedding and call it love-"  
"You know. I would love to Marry Callum" Ben admitted to his dad.  
"Hes the one isn't he?" Phil replied.   
Ben nodded with a sad smile "ask him then!" Phil advised. "Life is too short for regrets Ben. Cancer can kill people stronger than Callum. Make the most of what you've got every day!"  
"Yeah thats true." Ben replied. Hearing Callums footsteps coming down the stairs, he turned round "nice shower?"  
"Yeah" Callum replied as he joined them in the kitchen "so how was it?"  
"They ain't angry at you, they are upset but not at you, and Stuart wants you to open his Christmas present early tomorrow to cheer you up." Callum bit his lip with a nod. "They understand why you couldn't bring yourself to tell them. Ok? They understand how hard this is for you yeah? Stuart said he loves ya" Ben smiled holding Callums face in his hands and giving him a quick kiss.  
"Callum yeah, listen to the wise words of an old man. Don't beat yourself up about anything yeah, there's no point. Just focus on yourself for a change. You are a young lad Callum. Do what makes you happy and sod everyone else." Phil said as he set the table. "This is gonna be hard for you both yeah, so let's just look forward to a nice family Christmas and then we will deal with whatever comes next as a family. And if you need private health care ill sort it ok." 

Callum smiled with a nod as Lexi burst into the house "daddy!" She said giving Ben a hug. "Hi princess, you have a nice day?"  
Ben asked tickling her as lexi squealed.  
"Yes Daddy. Seen santa with Missy"  
"Aw that's amazing. You excited for Christmas?"   
"Will it snow this year daddy? I want to build a snow woman."  
"A snow woman?"  
"Its always a snow man daddy! I want a snow woman this year!"  
"Oh really" Ben smiled at Callum "and why would you want that?"   
"Because I can make her into a princess!" Lexi stated as though it was the most obvious thing in the world.  
"Ah I see!" Ben replied as Lola entered the kitchen.   
"Hey Cal, hey Ben, Phil!" She leaned against the kitchen counter.  
"How dya appointment go?" She asked cheerily smiling  
"Oh don't ask!" Callum muttered.  
"Yeah it's not good news!" Ben added smiling sadly at Callum, putting his arms around Callums waist.   
"Lexi, why don't you go watch some telly darling yeah?" Phil said as he steered her out of the kitchen "come on, let's see what cartoons we can find for you eh?"   
"Whats going on?" Lola looked shocked.   
"I've...they said I had cancer!" Callum said as he held Ben against him in a hug  
"Oh my god!" Lola sounded devastated "you are getting a hug off me too." She hugged them both.  
"I dont know what to say Callum!" She pulled back.  
"Me neither" Callum snorted. "Oh this is insane" he rubbed his hands over his face.  
"I know babe...but we will get through it ok?" Ben wiped the tears out of his eyes.   
"Dont cry Ben, you'll set me off!" Callum sniffled.  
"I can't help it. Sorry" Ben apologised with a small smile as Phil came back in..  
"Shes watching TV" he said. "Its not really something you want to talk about in front of children, she's too young to understand."   
Lola sat down. "I honestly...I..." she trailed off  
"I know" Callum said "exactly how I feel...I cant....get my head round it...its like I'm dreaming" a silent tear slid down his cheek.  
"I thought it was epilepsy...." lola trailed off  
Ben nodded "so did we, but they said it's cancer causing the seizures after they got more results back!"  
"Oh my god. Cal!" Lola said sounding devastated.  
Ben bit his lip trying to keep his emotions in check, as he held Callum's hand like a lifeline


	4. 4 - starting Chemo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callum has his first chemotherapy appointment and Ben helps him through a breakdown

\------------------ 

Callum had just got back from the hospital after his first chemotherapy appointment with Ben and although Ben was trying to get him to rest and lie down, he was feeling alright so he agreed to keep Ben company while he did some paperwork at the Car lot. 

"God this is boring" Ben sighed picking up another invoice.   
"Want some help?" Callum asked from the sofa near the desk, where he was idly scrolling through his Instagram feed.  
"Nah, should be finished soon! Jays managed to get most of it done." Ben replied cheerily. "And when I'm done with this boring stuff. We are going to go to the Vic for a drink because I've bossed this paperwork and you've bossed chemo today so we both deserve a nice beer yeah?"  
"That is tempting. Yeah let's do it." Callum smiled before yawning. Causing Ben to look at him sharply. "I'm not tired I honestly don't know why I'm yawning" he said yawning again.  
"Best not, I'm meant to be looking after ya."  
"I'm fine. Honest." Callum replied stretching his legs out on the sofa. "Oh its been a wierd day" Callum groaned. "That was the longest and most boring three hours of my Life!"   
"I know, but you've done your first chemo appointment babe and I'm really proud of you." Ben said smiling "one down yeah?"   
"Yeah just god knows how many more to go" Callum replied deadpan  
"Er...I'm trying to be positive here!" Ben grinned "oh you know what I can't be arsed with this paperwork" he flung his pen down.  
"I'll do it tomorrow. Come on babe...pub?"  
"Yeah" Callum replied enthusiastically slipping his jacket on. 

They found a nice secluded booth in the Vic and Ben ordered them both some drinks.   
"Well we have earned this! Still feeling ok?" Ben asked setting their drinks on the table. Callum grinned at him clearly amused "yeah" he replied.  
"Shut up you. I'm worried about you yeah, I'm looking after ya so I'm trying to do a thorough job"   
Callum blushed slightly.   
"I'm fine babe honest. For now anyway. Will you chill yeah?" Callum replied swigging his beer.  
"Hey sorry don't mean to interrupt" Jean appeared from behind them.   
"Its ok" Ben replied knowing she wanted to check in on Callum "want a drink?"  
"Oh a white wine would be good thank you." Jean said "if you are sure?"  
"Of course" he winked at her "back in a sec"  
"First one this morning?" Jean asked  
"Yep" Callum smiled "i feel ok actually"  
Jean smiled. "I'm proud of you" she said emotionally   
"Everyone keeps saying that. I haven't done anything though"   
"Yes you have" Jean smiled. "Callum...you took the first step today and its a hard one to take. You may feel OK now but when it hits you later...its not pleasant."  
Ben returned with Jeans wine.  
"Callum...Ben...no one knows this yet but I found a lump...i think my cancer is back...I haven't even told the doctors."  
"Jean" Callum breathed looking heartbroken as Ben closed his eyes in sympathy.  
"We are here for you yeah" Ben replied opening his eyes. "We are all gonna take care of each other. If there is anything we can do to help please let us know!"  
"Thanks. Its nice being able to share it with someone. I found it on Christmas. I didn't know what to do. Well obviously I knew what to do, but I didn't want to do it." Jean sighed  
"Anyway" she plastered on a fake smile. "I guess we will be chemo buddies" she said raising a toast with Callum who gave her hand a squeeze. "We can beat this Callum" she said forcefully grasping his hand.  
"too right you will" Ben agreed.  
"Its a long hard road Callum...I aint going to lie to you. There will be days when you will barely be able to get out of bed, or when you've thrown up so much you feel like your going to turn inside out...keep going though...keep fighting and keep positive...its the only way..." Jean trailed off  
"Anyway Callum i had best go" Jean said finishing her drink "drink loads of water when you start to feel rough and rest a lot. Ice packs for the headaches, hot water bottles for the stomach cramps and aching muscles, pain killers and ill drop you off some Herbal tea later. Thank you both so so much" and then she was gone.  
"Bless her" Ben said as she left. "Yeah I know" Callum said squeezing his hand.  
"I love you!" Ben said as he squoze back. "I know how hard you must be finding this, you are so strong babe." He leant over and kissed his boyfriend. "You Callum Highway are amazing!" Callum blushed "ill drink to that" he smiled.  
Ben leaned back and took a swig of his drink.  
"I'm just not looking forward to later with the whole vomiting and feeling like crap part."   
"Well let's enjoy this good part while we can yeah, and I'm gonna be there for you through the 'whole vomiting and feeling like crap' part ok." Ben said finishing his drink "come on, let's get home. I'm determined to get you resting on the sofa watching rubbish telly." 

\----------------------

It was a couple of hours later and Callum was stretched out on the sofa dozing in Ben's lap as they watched a re run of Top Gear. Suddenly Callum groaned   
"Whats up darlin?" Ben asked instantly on alert  
"My heads just started absolutely pounding" Callum sounded pained as he tried to nestle his head further into Ben's chest. Ben stroked Callum's hair gently. "Do you want me to get you some painkillers?" Ben asked softly, his fingers stroking Callums temple. He felt Callums nod in his side and slowly started to manoeuvre his way out from under Callum, however when Callum slowly started to raise his head to sit up he went pale as a ghost, before nudging Ben out of the way and running up into the bathroom throwing himself in front of the toilet and vomiting violently into the bowl.   
Ben ran up the stairs the moment he heard Callum being sick.   
He went into the bathroom kneeling next to Callum, rubbing his back as he heaved into the bowl.  
Callum slumped back against the wall.  
"I dont feel good" he said deadpan staring at Ben, who inadvertently smirked "no, I must say you don't look it." He grabbed Callums wrists. "Come on babe. You're doing great yeah, why don't you go to bed for a bit and ill bring a bin in incase you are sick again yeah?" He pulled Callum up off the floor and into the bedroom.  
"Do you want me to stay until you fall asleep?" Ben asked caressing Callum's face as he lay on the bed next to him.  
"Please!" Callum rasped out his throat hoarse and croaky due him being sick.  
"Here" Ben passed him a bottle of water off the bedside table. Callum half propped himself up and took a few gulps. "Thank you" he replied gratefully sinking back into the pillows. "Its alright baby." Ben whispered "go to sleep, its ok baby, I'm here" Ben continued carding his fingers through Callums hair as his eyes drifted closed and he slowly fell asleep. When Ben was absolutely sure he was asleep, he grabbed the bin out of the bathroom and put it next to their bed, before quietly drawing the curtains plunging the room into darkness, and going downstairs.  
He sat on the sofa, his head in his hands trying to work down the waves of anxiety running through him. Callum was being really distant with him. He switched the television off and went into the kitchen to make himself a brew when his dad walked in through the back door.  
"Alright?" He asked Ben "did it er...go alright then...this morning?"  
Ben nodded leaning against the kitchen counter. "Yeah as expected, he was brilliant. He's only just gone up to sleep. He's started being sick half hour ago. Hopefully it will be better for him when he wakes up."   
"Chemo...ain't easy. I've got respect for anyone who goes through it. It was hard with my mum, seeing how the ill the chemotherapy made her but Callums tough yeah, he'll feel rough but he'll get through it. You just need to help him, keep him positive and upbeat" Phil sighed. "This is the start of a long road, it ain't going to be easy for yous two, especially not with his DI causing trouble left right and centre" he gave Ben a hug. "We will help him however we can I promise Ben alright?"   
‐---------------------  
When Callum next woke up, it took him a while to get his bearings. He still felt nauseous and his head was still pounding however his full to burst bladder was his main concern and he slowly got himself out of bed. After going to the bathroom he slowly padded downstairs finding Ben on the sofa talking to his dad. "Hey" Ben said looking up "you feeling better?"  
Callum shook his head, slumping down on the sofa. "Nope, but I'm really not tired anymore" he gave Ben a small smile.  
"Want a brew yous two?" Phil asked walking into the kitchen "I'm sticking kettle on"  
"Please" Ben shouted after him. Pulling Callum into his side.   
"How are you feeling?" Ben asked him, and he felt Callum shrug against him  
"Do you need anything?" Ben asked him a few minutes later when it became apparent that Callum wasn't going to say anything "you missed lunch and dinner?"  
Callum sighed. "No I'm fine....I'm not hungry."  
"Cal? Whats going on in that head of yours? You are pushing me away. Why?" Ben tried   
"It sounds stupid ok, leave it." Callum said sitting up abruptly, away from Ben and trying to swallow down the nausea.  
"You need to let us in Callum" Phil said as he returned with the brews. "More than ever we need to be honest and open with each other." He passed Callum and Ben their drinks. "So it may sound stupid to you, but maybe, just maybe we will understand."  
Callum sighed kneading his forehead with his hands "I just...I don't want to be a burden on you...I just can't figure out what I've done to deserve this...I'm racking my brains and I can't figure it out"  
The room was silent. "See i told you it was stupid" Callum muttered "I'm going back to bed"  
"Nah, you stay there" Phil ordered. "And you listen. Cancer is not a punishment, it just happens and usually it happens to the best of people." Phil sighed "we just want to help you. Especially Ben, so let us help you. You ain't being punished alright, you are family. We will help you through this together. I want to help, I dont think of you as a burden...Ben do you?  
Phil looked at Ben pointedly "nah, never. I love you Callum" Ben said reaching out and taking his boyfriends trembling hand. "Honestly I do. I just want to help you any way I can!"   
It was too much for Callum who broke down in tears. Heart wrenching sobs escaping. Ben quickly wrapped him in a hug. "Ssssh" he whispered "its ok to be upset Cal!" Ben kissed his head "hush you are ok babe. We will get through this yeah!"   
Phil silently retreated back into the kitchen to give the young lovers some space.  
Callum nodded trying to get a grip on his emotions. He suddenly went rigid causing Ben to pull back looking concerned. "I think I'm going to be sick again." He muttered, swallowing harshly. Before he bolted upstairs to the bathroom.  
Ben quickly downed the rest of his brew, going into the kitchen to grab a glass of water. Phil was washing up.  
"He's being sick again." Ben informed him "I just can't believe he thought he deserved this!" He shook his head grabbing a clean glass out of the cupboard  
"Well i put him straight." Phil said "and I will continue to do so until he believes me-"   
There was a knock at the back door.  
Phil opened it to see Jean stood there.  
"Er...hello?" Phil said   
"Sorry. Just these are for Callum to help in case he is nauseous." She said handing him a box of ginger teabags. "They taste... not great but they do the trick." She smiled sadly. "How is he?" She looked at Ben.   
"Currently being sick. Look dad, er chat to Jean yeah, I'm gonna go get this water to Cal."  
He smiled at Jean kindly before heading to the bathroom.  
\--------------- 

"Sorry... if you want me to go..." Jean said   
"Nah nah" Phil said. "Have a seat" gesturing to the kitchen table.  
"I actually wanted to ask you something in private if that was ok?" He said shutting the kitchen door as Jean took a seat.  
"Of course" Jean said cheerily "happy to help"  
"Er...so...when you got diagnosed, did you wonder if you....deserved it?"  
Jean looked shocked. "How dare you-"  
"No no...listen" Phil cut her off. "Callum told me and Ben that the cancer must be his punishment for something but he couldn't figure out what. I put him straight and told him he was wrong but..." he trailed off  
"I see, well actually I suppose i did now I think about it..I tried denial first and then I had a breakdown...I guess its natural to try and find reasons as to why things happen...poor lad." She sighed. "Hes struggling isn't he? It is hard...earlier today I told Ben and Callum that I had found another lump. No one else knows. They came to me when they first found out about Callum. Opened up to me. I appreciated that. I've been through this before Phil. Yet the second time I'm facing this is no less scary."   
"I'm seriously sorry to hear that!" Phil said honestly. "If there's anything we can do."  
"I know!" Jean said smiling slightly.  
"I'd best get off, I always hated people seeing me when I was being sick. Just try the new tea yeah and make sure he's drinking plenty of water." They both stood up  
"Alright, thanks for popping round, we appreciate it!" Phil said politely seeing her out. 

\-----------------  
Ben winced at the retching sounds as he walked up the stairs. He pushed open the bathroom door, seeing Callum bent over the toilet. He placed a supportive hand on Callums back, as Callum continued to heave up bile. "I've brought you some water babe" he said when Callum had finally finished and leant against the wall. "Jeans just popped round with some tea to help your nausea if you want to try some." He added steadying the glass as Callum nearly lost his grip.   
He grabbed a flannel and ran it under the hot water, using it to sponge down Callums face, which was covered in a layer of cold sweat and ashen. "Thanks" Callum muttered feeling drained. "Its ok" Ben replied softly, kneeling in front of him "Do you need anything love?" He asked.  
"I dont know" Callum replied looking frustrated "I...I..." he trailed off "I hate being weak like this!"  
Ben shook his head, grasping Callums face gently but firmly and forcing him to look at him. "Don't ever call yourself weak yeah...I love you so so much. I want to be here for ya, I want to help ya through this. Callum I'm nothing without you. Not anymore, I've fallen for you so badly...you said you'd do anything to protect me...and it's killing me that there's nothing i can do to protect you from this." Ben released Callums face to wipe away his own tears.   
"Dont cry please Ben" he heard Callums choked whisper "I dont want to make you sad anymore."  
"You aren't making me sad Callum. Watching you suffer like this is making me sad. If I could swap places with you. I would in a heartbeat." He sniffled "you ready to go downstairs?" Ben swiftly changed the subject "I'll get dad to do you one of those teas, hmmm? Get your comfy blanket on, have a cuddle on the sofa? anything you need yeah!" He forced a smile  
Callum nodded, slowly rising to his feet. "That sounds...lovely!" Callum replied slowly following Ben downstairs slowly. He sat curled up on the sofa, as Ben covered him with the blanket. "Dad?" Ben shouted "do us one of them teas?"  
Phil brought one in ready made. "Already have done!" He smirked at Ben ignoring his tear stained face. "Jean just left, she had to get back but she's thinking of you both yeah?"   
Ben nodded sniffing the tea and grimacing before passing it to Callum who took a sip, and pulled a disgusted face. "Eurgh" he groaned "thats nasty"  
"Yeah, Jean said they taste gross but they work" Phil replied with a chuckle at the horrified expression on Callums face. Ben squeezed in next to Callum, so Callum could lean against him, wanting to feel close to him. "Come on drink up" Ben teased fondly causing Callum to glare at him. "You try it!" Callum retorted pushing the mug at Ben. Ben took it off him looking nervous but tried some. He quickly pushed the mug back in Callums hands. "See....yummy" he said with a face that said the exact opposite.  
Callum took another sip, while Phil flicked through the television channels.  
"Oh no dad I ain't watching no nature documentary...do you want me to be asleep?" Ben smirked,  
"Well there's not much else on....here that do ya?" He put the great British bake off on  
"Yeah I guess so" Ben replied, stroking Callums hair. "You want anything babe?"   
Callum shook his head. "Nah I'm alright, this tea is actually helping" he said taking another sip "still tastes awful though"  
Ben chuckled "get it down ya babe"   
"Aw that cake looks well nice!" Callum added, staring at the massive fudge cake on screen.  
"Yeah look at all that chocolate" Ben agreed. "You hungry Cal? You need to try and eat something. Even if it's toast or something, or i can go out and find some cake if you really want?"  
"I dunno Ben I'm really not hungry. I'm sorry!"  
"Its ok. Dont worry!" Ben continued stroking Callums hair.   
"Ah she's dropped it" Phil exclaimed   
"Ah what a waste of cake!" Ben agreed "oh no she's crying." He exclaimed   
"No use crying, she needs a dustpan before the ants get there!" Phil quipped causing Callum to chuckle.  
\---------  
"Cal?" Ben murmered as they lay in bed later. "Are you ok?"  
Callum turned his head to face him. "I...really don't know" he stroked Ben's face. "I...can't get my head around that this is happening. I don't understand why its happening?"  
"Hey, don't...its just one of those things. You didn't do anything to deserve this babe! You have got to believe me! Please Cal!" Ben stroked his face  
Callum gave a half smile in response.  
"Callum...I...you are my everything. You are the reason I want to be a better person. After Paul I thought I would never be happy again. But you and me Cal its everything I ever wanted...we can get through this, because I am never letting you go...I love you so much" he kissed Callum tenderly, before pulling back. "Come on darling, go to sleep, we've got another chemo appointment in the morning."  
Callum nodded, curling up to Ben, wrapping him in his arms "love you" he whispered closing his eyes as he felt Ben's hands gently carding through his hair, helping him to drift off to sleep.  
It wasn't an easy sleep he fell into. His DI laughing at him telling him he deserved it. Stuart being given life behind bars. Ben leaving him telling him he was a joke and a waste of space and he jerked awake in a cold sweat, breathing heavily. "Whats up babes?" Ben asked groggily "you ok? What time is it?"   
"Just a bad dream babe, go back to sleep" Callum said getting out of bed. "I'm gonna go for a walk. Clear my head" Ben sat up and stretched "ill come with ya. I...don't...don't want to not be near ya right now." Ben admitted looking embarrassed.  
Callum smiled slightly. "Its cold out Ben. You sure? Its like..." he looked at his watch "5 in the morning"  
Ben nodded and slipped out of bed as he threw a jumper on. "Yeah I'm sure, I'm coming too."  
Callum slipped his hoodie on as Ben grabbed his trainers.  
"You want to talk about it...the dream?" Ben asked as they held hands walking past the Vic. The usually bustling square like a ghost town "Nah, i don't even really remember it now" Callum replied softly stroking Ben's hand lovingly "I just needed fresh air, I'm really not looking forward to the next dose of chemo..." he trailed off. "Like how stupid is this?" He gave a hollow laugh "I'm scared of losing my hair? I'm scared of the chemo and being ill. I'm just...I'm just scared Ben."   
Ben stopped in his tracks, pulling him into a hug "its not stupid, its normal, to fear the unknown" he tugged Callum over to a bench. "Babe, I love you for who you are. Hair or no hair. Hell I'll shave mine off too if need be! I'll look like a mini me version of my dad, but I'd do it!" He bit his lip. "You can do this. I believe in ya, my dad believes in ya, Stuart and Rainie believe in ya, Jean believes in ya. You need to start believing in you aswell." He kissed Callum fiercely. "You Callum Highway are amazing, and you have got this!"   
"I really hope so" Callum replied with a smile. "God I'm actually hungry" he suddenly said with a forced laugh as his stomach rumbled.  
"What time is your appointment?" Ben asked him kissing him again "half 8?"   
"Yeah" Callum replied nodding  
"Right. Come on. Let's get the tube into town, get a Mcdonalds breakfast before your appointment yeah. Get some magazines and stuff for while we are there so we don't go mad with bordeom?"   
"You sure?" Callum asked "just let me go grab my wallet!"  
"Nope, I'm paying!" Ben replied firmly steering Callum towards the tube station. "No arguments babe."  
\--------------  
After breakfast they took a slow walk up to the hospital, stopping in at a newsagents where Ben bought drinks, crisps, chocolates and about 5 different magazines. They walked through the town headed towards the hospital with just short of an hour to kill as they window shopped and just enjoyed spending time together.  
\--‐------------  
"Callum, lovely to see you." The nurse Marie smiled as she led the way into a clinical room."come on then, show me your veins!" She said cheerily as Callum rolled his sleeve up, as he sat on the reclined chair. As she taped the IV into his the back of his hand and checked his temperature. "So three hours yeah?" She said writing in his file.  
"If ya need me, buzz yeah! I'll be in to check on you in a bit." She smiled, drew the privacy curtain and left  
Ben held Callums free hand.   
"See" Ben said quietly with a smile. "You're bossing it again"   
Callum smiled back. "Ive only just got here and I'm already bored" he smirked.  
Ben winked and pulled out a magazine, flicking through it "ooh problem page. Dear Tracey" he smirked mischievously "Dear Tracey, I'm certain that my Fiance is sleeping with her boss. She often comes home smelling of aftershave, and yesterday she had no excuse as to why she hadn't been home for two days apart from she had to work overtime in the office. I can't prove anything though, what should I do. From a guy named Adam in Hull?"  
Callum snorted. "What? Who does overtime for two days straight?"  
"Well apparently this guys Fiance" Ben smirked. "Oh the response he's got."   
"Go on" Callum sniggered   
"Adam, I suspect you may be correct in your assumptions however do not forget that there may be a perfectly logical explanation. I would advise confronting her with your suspicions and go from there!....oh my god...duh...what else is the response gonna be, get her to do a lie detector? Christ her advice is so general."   
Ben scanned the page.  
"Dear Tracey, I dont know how to tell my wife who i have no kids with that I've got two children she knows nothing about. She found the Christmas presents I bought them and I had to tell her I bought them for the kids in the local hospice who were terminally ill. Now I feel so guilty for lying and the worst thing is she wants to deliver them to the hospice with me on Christmas eve and I don't know what to do." He read out causing Callum to laugh.   
"Oh my god no way, how's he getting out of that one?" Callum smirked   
"And his advice is to tell his wife the truth but also to give the presents to the hospice for good karma." Ben chuckled.   
"Thats insane" Callum said shivering.  
"You cold babe?" Ben asked concerned   
"Yeah, ill be alright though" Callum replied scratching the itchy tape around his IV in his hand. "Just getting tired." He yawned.   
"Want me to go get you a coffee to warm you up?" Ben offered.   
"Thanks but I'm ok for now." Callum closed his eyes briefly. "I just can't wait until this is over"   
"I know babe" Ben sighed passing Callum a bottle of water. "You are doing amazing. I'm in awe of how strong you are babe...honestly you are!"   
"I'm only being strong for you Ben. I need to beat this so we can have a future. I'll do anything I have to...I've..." he trailed off and Ben waited patiently for Callum to figure out what he was going to say.  
"I've never felt like I belonged anywhere I guess...my dad made me constantly think I was a let down, I dunno...I just...know that I belong with you!" Callum blushed   
"Your dad ain't worth shit...no offence." Ben replied holding Callums hand, trying to keep his emotions under control. "You do belong with me...you Callum Highway are the love of my life! Just know that I will do whatever I can to help make this easier for you...no matter how big or how small..."  
Call smiled at him, his fingers intertwined with Ben's.  
\---------------------  
By the time Callum got home, he was knackered and white as a sheet.  
Callum groaned as he collapsed onto the sofa. "Let me get you some water Cal, your much too pale for my liking!" Ben said feeling Callums forehead as he grabbed the blanket off the back of the sofa and threw it over Callum, before going in the kitchen for the water.  
He returned and knelt down in front of Callum who was blearily gazing back at him.  
"God Callum" Ben sighed "you look awful" he chuckled slightly at the weak glare Callum shot him. "No offence" he added.   
"How ya feeling?"  
"Tired and my stomach is churning." Callum replied "but you know what?" He said pushing himself into a sitting position "I'm alright. Honestly I feel a lot...better about...everything?!" He stroked Ben's cheek looking thoughful  
"Really?" Ben asked "in what way?"  
"I dunno" Callum shrugged "I just feel like...everything's gonna be alright now, I'm not as worried about it all...I dunno"  
"Thats great to hear babe. I must admit I have been worried about you Cal, you've been...not yourself." He smiled "I mean i know why you haven't. I'm not having a go at ya." He stroked Callums face, before passing him the water. "We will get through it together, now get some rest yeah? You look exhausted. Do you want a sausage and egg butty?"  
Callum looked thoughtful "yeah but no egg. I don't think that my stomach could handle that at the minute"  
"Of course babe. Anything for you" Ben said kissing him before retreating into the kitchen. Callum was watching the news headlines when there was a knock at the door. And Callum who hated feeling useless shouted "I'll get it!"   
He heaved himself off the sofa and shuffled to the front door. Upon opening it, he saw Stuart stood outside.   
"Hey Stu. Come in bro" Callum said as Stuart hugged him gently with a small smile. He followed Stuart into the living room and resumed his position curled up on the sofa under his blanket.  
"How are you?" Stuart asked as he sat down in the chair facing him. "I have been really worried about you ya know...you are really pale"   
"Er I'm ok. Had my second round of chemo this morning. Feeling a bit washed out I guess." Callum gave a small smile.   
"Alright Stuart want a sausage butty?" Ben shouted through.  
"Ah yeah nice one Ben. That'd be great, thanks" Stuart shouted back, before turning back to Callum. "You doing ok? He been looking after ya?" He nodded his head towards the kitchen. "Yeah, Ben's been amazing. I'm so lucky to have him"   
"I'm glad Cal i really am." Stuart replied "just worried about ya ya know. I'm sorry about trying to kill your boss Callum. I just got angry cuz he hurt you." He continued to explain himself as Ben came in with a brew for Stuart. "Want one of them ginger teas or a normal one Cal?" He asked, frowning when he didn't get a response "Cal?" He shook Cals shoulder "Callum?"" He tried again but to no avail. Callum was looking right through him.  
"Whats up with him?" Stuart said setting his cup down on the table and standing up looking worried.  
"Its alright, he does this sometimes!" Ben reassured him, before turning back to Callum. "You ok Cal? Do you know where you are?" Ben asked again, holding one of Callums hands as he knelt so he was eye level with Callum. "Callum darling, are you ok?" He asked again a few moments later and was finally rewarded with a confused blink as Calllum finally saw him. "Hey babe" Ben smiled "you back with us again?  
Callum nodded dazed "Good." Ben stroked his face. "I'll bring your butty through then!"  
"Sorry!" Callum apologised looking embarrassed. "Hey... don't worry about it ok" Ben whispered giving him a gentle hug before going back into the kitchen to plate up the food.  
"You don't look good bro!" Stuart said "do you need anything?"  
"I'll be alright Stu. Honest. I've still got you and Ben. So I've got a reason to fight this with everything I've got. I've just got to keep going, aint I?"   
He smiled at Stuart who pulled him into a hug. "Love you little bro!" He said emotionally 

\----‐---------‐--- 

It was a couple of hours later and Callum was laying against Ben on the sofa wrapped in his blanket. They were watching Tv together. Callum curled up against Ben for comfort.   
"You ok baby?" Ben asked him softly  
"Yeah" Callum replied sleepily. "I'm just tired of feeling like this."   
Ben smiled sadly. "I know you are darlin."   
He stroked Callums arm.  
"You sure you don't need anything?"  
"I'm ok for now...just feel really cold and achey!" Callum replied. Ben kissed his temple. "I love you" he whispered. "I'm so proud of you babe!"  
"I love you too Ben. I couldn't do this without you!" Callum admitted.   
"You are doing amazingly Callum!" Ben reassured him. "I know its awful, but we will get there."  
They lapsed back into silence watching the telly.   
"Oh...I'm gonna be sick." Callum groaned as he slowly sat up, he went to stand up but swayed and all the colour drained from his face. "Woah, sit down before ya fall down Cal" Ben pulled him gently back down on the sofa. "Here darlin" he passed him a bin just in case.  
Callum groaned rubbing his forehead. "Eurgh I hate this" he muttered, swallowing harshly.   
"I know baby, its ok, I'm here" Ben tried to comfort him. "Do you want me to get you a glass of water? Or one of them ginger teas?"  
Callum nodded "yeah anything" he breathed closing his eyes against the waves of nausea surrounding him, as he gripped the bin like a lifeline, feeling dizzy."  
He hurled into the bin and when the nausea finally seemed to abate he collapsed down sideways onto the sofa feeling like the room was spinning. He whimpered, not caring how weak he sounded as Ben came back in with a cup of ginger tea. "Christ Cal whats up babe?" Ben said bending down next to his boyfriend stroking his face tenderly. "What do you need?"  
"Eurgh the room feels like its spinning!" Callum groaned. "Make it stop. I cant take this anymore" tears leaked out of his eyes.  
Ben hugged him gently. "I know babe, I know its hard but you are doing so well..."  
He pressed a kiss to Callum's temple. "Let me close the curtains in here and then try and get you comfy ok?"   
After that was done he emptied the bin and got a cold washcloth for Callums forehead. "You are running a temperature babe" Ben informed him. "You don't look well at all." Callum shivered and curled up under his blanket for warmth. Ben handed him his ginger tea which Callum took with trembling hands, breathing in the steam and trying to stop shaking. "Easy babe." Ben steadied the mug. "Come on little sips yeah?" After Callum had drunk about a quarter he shook his head. "I'm tired" he mumbled, laying down as Ben readjusted the flannel on his forehead.  
"Get some rest Callum yeah? I'm here if you need me!" He kissed Callums forehead gently before sitting on the chair in the living room, watching Callum out of the corner of his eye as he sorted through various emails on his phone.  
After an hour Callum was still asleep, a sheen of sweat covering his pale face, and Ben was getting worried. Callum looked awful, he decided that just letting Callum sleep was probably the best option to take.  
He knew that chemotherapy was awfully hard, and granted Callum was doing amazing but Ben was struggling watching him suffer and not being able to do anything about it. He felt useless, and was trying to do everything he could think of to support his boyfriend through this.  
He heard the back door open and Jay came in, Ben walked into the kitchen to meet him "sorry to disturb ya!" Jay said "just checking in on yous two."   
Ben sighed slumping down at the table "hes not well, he had his second chemo appointment today...he's struggling and I don't know how to help him Jay...he's sweating, dizzy, being sick...its killing me seeing him like this."  
Jay sat down at the table opposite him.  
"Hes got you Ben, that's probably all he cares about. And yeah Chemo is horrific....I couldn't even begin to imagine how Callum is feeling...but it means no more cancer...hopefully.... so isn't that worth it? You two having a future together. I mean you said you wanted to marry him. There is no right or wrong. Just be there for him and you'll be ok." Jay sighed. "Its not nice seeing someone you love suffer though is it?" Ben shook his head.   
"Cal really don't deserve this!" Ben added. "I've just left him sleeping on the couch. I'm just glad that there is no more chemo until next week. He might feel better maybe...I dunno" Ben wiped his eyes. "All I know is that I love him, and I just wish I could go through this so he didn't have to."  
"I know, but that's impossible. He was amazing when you were deaf Ben and he didn't know what to do...he just did whatever he could think of. There ain't a rule book for this Ben unfortunately and I know its hard on both of you...but stick together and you will get through it"   
"Thanks Jay" Ben smiled slightly "and thanks for coming round. You've helped sort my head out a bit"   
"Eh thats what I'm here for." Jay said. "I'm only a text or a phone call away from either of ya. At any time yeah!"  
"I'm sorry for kind of dumping the car lot on you Jay. Thanks for that!"  
"No worries. Glad I could help. I'll look after it for as long as you need yeah, you just focus on Callum"  
"Cheers Bro" Ben replied gratefully as Jay left.  
He went back in the living room to check on Callum, as he removed the wash cloth Callum stirred, and gazed at him bleary eyed. "Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you" Ben murmered stroking his cheek. "How are you feeling love?"  
"Better" Callum blinked up at him. "A lot better actually!" He stretched out slightly "I dont feel like I'm going to be sick, just a headache"  
"I'm glad to hear it darling. I was getting really worried about you." Ben kissed him.   
"You are looking a bit better anyway."   
"So what do you want to do?" Callum asked him as he sat up."   
"Do?" Ben repeated dumbly "Callum you still need to rest. I said you look better but you still look awful. I think we should stay here for a little bit, do you want to eat anything? I could order us a nice pizza, get it delivered and then watch the latest star wars film on Telly?"  
Callum gazed at him thoughtfully for a while before placing his hands on Ben's neck, "that sounds absolutely amazing" he whispered before pulling Ben in for a kiss. "You know I love you right?" Callum asked him. "Of course." Ben frowned "and I, you!" Callum smiled.   
"Good!" He said simply. "You are so amazing Ben." Ben smiled kissing Callum. "If anyone in this room is amazing, it's definitely you babe!" Ben replied sitting down, pulling Callum against him. "Now what pizza dya want?"   
"Dunno. Just get a big one to share if ya want. My appetite still ain't great..." Callum replied intertwining his fingers with Ben's.   
"OK, if you are sure" Ben replied, pulling his phone out of his pocket.  
Phil walked in. "Alright you two?" He asked sitting at the table and opening up his laptop. "Yeah just about to order a pizza, do you want owt dad?"   
"Yeah get me a pepperoni one. I've done at the garage for the day."   
"Will do" Ben said "and seeing as Me and Cal are sharing I'll order a large garlic chicken one as well."   
"How dya chemo go?" Phil asked   
"The chemo itself ain't too bad, it's just afterwards when it hits you out of the blue!" Callum rubbed his neck. "I dunno. I'm am active person usually...i hate feeling like this!" He admitted   
"I can imagine" Phil replied "I hate being sick. Part of the reason I'm glad I gave up drinking."  
They lapsed into a comfortable silence, and Callum slowly started to drift off into a light sleep, curled up against Ben's chest, Ben's fingers carding through his hair. A knock at the door made Callum jerk awake. "Woah, it's only the pizzas babe." Ben said gently as Phil got up to answer the door. "Sorry babe, I was half asleep." Callum mumbled as he pushed himself into a sitting position. "Its ok, you need to rest, stop apologising darling. Its fine." Ben said as Phil handed them their pizza.   
"Lets see what rubbish is on telly then. Still got an hour before that star wars film is on." Ben said as Callum slowly munched through a slice of pizza. "Oh it actually tastes like pizza!" Callum mumbled contentedly   
"Thats because it is a pizza Cal!" Ben shot him a strange look as he grabbed his own slice. "No I know" Callum laughed. "No its just I dunno, foods started tasting wierd."  
"Wierd how?" Phil asked intrigued as he too started eating some of his own pizza  
"Dunno...like metallic, like I'm eating coins or sommat, I dunno. Its wierd...but this pizza is well nice!"  
"Bet you wish you'd ordered your own one now" Ben teased lighthearted.  
"Nah I wouldn't be able to eat it all" callum replied, shifting his legs to try and get comfy. "I'll be alright though!"  
\---------------

Hope you all enjoyed, let me know if you have any ideas for the upcoming chapters and I will try and include them!  
Not fully Canon I know but following most of the current EE storyline


	5. 5. Will you marry me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ian is an idiot and Ben asks callum to marry him

Callum slowly stretched with a wince as he woke up. He didn't feel well at all. "Morning handsome" he felt Ben stroke his face. "How you feeling this morning? No chemo today!"   
Callum turned his head to face Ben. "I'm not great to be honest" he saw Ben's smile falter "whats wrong hun?" Ben whispered.  
"Are you feeling nauseous again?"  
"Yeah I am actually and all my muscles are throbbing with pain. Like when I've had a seizure. That really deep ache. I can hardly move"   
"Oh Callum...is there anything i can do?" Ben asked in sympathy. Callum shook his head, pulling Ben against him. "No, i just don't want to be on my own right now!" Callum hated how weak he must sound to Ben. "I'm sorry" he added, nuzzling into Ben's shoulder.  
"Dont be daft, It's ok...I'm here, I'll always be here ok?"   
Callum nodded. "I just...I dunno...I just feel like you've got better stuff to do than look after me."  
"Cal, darlin'. You are my priority. Jays looking after the car lot. You are going through hell Callum. You need looking after. And I'm going to be the one to do it. Because I love ya." He kissed Callums head. "Do you want to stay in bed for a bit?" He asked. "Or do you want to go downstairs, have a brew and chill on the sofa?"   
"Stay here for a bit." He heard Callums whispered reply   
"OK, have a lazy morning in bed huh?" Ben asked with a small smile, stroking callums hair as Callum slowly drifted off to sleep in his arms. Ben pressed a kiss to his sleeping lovers forehead, holding him securely in his arms, simply enjoying being next to him  
A few minutes later he heard a soft knock on his bedroom door. "Come in" he said   
"Sorry, to disturb ya." Phil said as he came in, keeping his voice low so as not to wake Callum. "Lola wanted to know if you'd be able to have Lexi for an hour or two, but I can take her park if you want....he don't look well does he?" Phil said actually sounding concerned.   
Ben shook his head. "Nope, he's feeling really rough, asked me to stay with him" He ran his fingers through Callums hair. "Dad, I'm scared." He whispered looking at Phil, with tears in his eyes. "I dont know how I can help him...I just...want to take all his pain away." He choked back a sob.   
Phil looked at Ben sympathetically. "I know Son. I know, but believe me, you are doing great! You have handled this amazingly. Both of you have. Cancer is...challenging...it makes you realise what's important. You look after him, and I'll take Lexi out alright?"   
Ben nodded. "Thanks Dad"  
\----------------  
It was a couple of hours later when Callum woke up again, encased in Ben's arms as he hurriedly detangled himself and raced the the bathroom to be sick.  
He heard Ben come in a few moments later.  
"Babe?" Ben asked gently.   
"I'm alright Ben, honest!" Callum said, heaving again. When the nausea had passed he gave Ben a weak smile.  
"I'm gonna get a shower" he said shakily. "Feeling proper gross!"   
"I'd still do you!" Ben teased to lighten the mood, causing Callum to chuckle.   
"Go on, have a shower" Ben hugged him "ill do you a brew downstairs yeah."  
"Cheers babe" Callum responded. 

Ben walked down to the kitchen, to find his Dad cooking lunch.   
"Afternoon" he said as he sat at the table with a sigh. "How was my little Lexi then?"  
"She had a great time at the park. Yeah Lola had to get some stuff for the salon so we had some quality time together, and Patrick let us join in with a kick about with Raymond"   
"Thats good, glad you've had fun, ill have to go and see her later."   
"How's Callum doing?"  
"Not great, he's just having a shower. I'm going to stick the kettle on and make him a brew!" He yawned "cannot believe its 12 o clock already!' He said grabbing the cups out of the cupboard. "Making chicken pasta for lunch" Phil said "not too heavy for him. He needs to keep eating or he'll lose too much weight!"   
"Aw that's dead thoughtful, thanks Dad, want a brew?"  
"Er yeah go on then!" Phil nodded as he drained the pasta. "I've got a car booked in garage at half two so I'm free until then"  
"Hey" Callum walked in and leaned up against the counter, wearing a new tracksuit.  
"Alright babe?" Ben asked as he flicked the kettle on.   
Callum nodded "yeah" he said with a small smile.   
"Eh Callum" Phil said. "Seen Stuart and Rainie before, they wanted to know if you were up for a drink later in the Vic?"   
"Sounds good yeah!" Callum said smiling.   
"Sit down Cal" Ben nudged a chair out from the table with his foot. "Dads doing us all lunch."   
"Cheers Phil!" Callum said as he sat at the table.  
Ben passed him a brew and sat opposite him winking.   
"Its alright, you need to keep your strength up" Phil replied. There was a knock at the back door. "Kathy come on in" Phil answered it. "Sorry, I just had to get away from him!" Kathy ranted the minute she stepped through  
"Who?" Ben asked  
"Ian. I know I shouldn't say this about my own son, but he is a selfish...eurghhh" she growled. "Hes off his head! I've tried....but now...I'm done!"  
"Why what did he do now?" Phil asked.  
"I told Bobby I was coming round here to see if I could do anything to help yous out, because Callums family....oh I'm not going to tell you Ians response"  
"Mum, what did he say?" Ben asked  
"Nothing, I dont want to upset you!" Kathy replied firmly  
"Tell us Kathy!" Phil ordered. "Now"  
"Well, I said I was coming over to see if there was anything yous needed or anything, he asked why. When I said about Callum, he said...oh I can't."  
"What did he say mum?"  
"Oh, he said...that you were probably lying about it Ben So that the attention was taken off Ian. That you were jealous with the attention he's getting"  
The anger in Ben's face said it all.  
"What?" He growled. "Is he for real?"  
"Bobby is going mental at him. I had to get out of there. I wanted to slap him, he I'd an embarrassment!"  
"I'll go check on Bobby!" Phil said "they at home? I'll sort him out"   
Kathy nodded. "Dish lunch out Ben, I'll be back soon" Phil said as he left.  
"I will do it, need to keep busy. I'm going to the caff soon anyway!" Kathy said walking over to the cooker.  
"Ben, chill!" Callum smiled at Ben who was clearly fuming.  
"He just winds me up!" Ben admitted.   
"Your dad will sort him out" Kathy said. "Oh I'm sorry Callum. I feel awful for what he said."  
"Its alright" Callum shrugged. "We know the truth"  
"How are you anyway?" Kathy passed him and Ben a bowl of pasta  
"I'm getting there. Just tired mainly" Callum said digging into his lunch   
"I can't believe he has the nerve to call you a liar when he was found lying about the fireworks!" Kathy ranted. "Oh Callum. If there's ever anything you need. Just ask. Ian is Sharon's problem now! I have washed my hands of him."  
Callum glanced at Ben, he caught his eye and smiled reassuringly at him. "I can't believe him Callum....how dare he!" Ben snarled.   
"Dont get worked up Ben" Callum held Ben's hand   
"Yeah, he's not worth it!" Kathy said. "You two just focus on each other now!"  
\--------  
When Phil walked in to Kathy's house he found Ian arguing with Peter and Bobby.  
"How can you say that dad?" Peter was shouting. "Callums got cancer, he ain't lying. How many more enemies do you want?"   
Phil cleared his throat. "indeed he does! He's having chemotherapy. He is nauseous, throwing up, emotionally drained...he could DIE Ian. How do you think Calllum or Ben feel? Oh wait, you only think of yourself, that's right"   
"Oh you would be on his side. Golden boy Ben! Can do no wrong. First was Callum's "epilepsy" then suddenly cancer...pfft...yeah sure" Ian said nastily. As Peter threw his hands up in the air in frustration  
"Dad are you for real?" He almost shouted.  
Phil shook his head  
"I am not here for Ben, I'm actually here to stand up for Callum. At first I didn't know what to make of him. But he loves Ben, he's a good guy, one of the coppers that worked themselves into the ground trying to find out who battered ya, and this is how you repay him...by calling them liars? He's got Cancer Ian, brain cancer and it causes him to have fits...that's a fact! If Stuart hears about what you've said....oh I'd hate to be in your shoes. Ben's fuming. Hes got enough to worry about without you sticking your nose in where it ain't wanted"  
"Callums been helping me dad, because he's kind and decent!" Bobby shouted in anger "if anyone deserves Cancer...its you! You could drop dead and I wouldn't care" he stormed out the house, Phil following close behind  
\---------  
"Wow, you ate it all!" Ben smirked playfully shortly after Kathy had left for the cafe  
"Yeah, I'm surprised too!" Callum laughed.   
"Are you feeling alright?" Ben asked him  
"Could go for a walk, fresh air will do you good."  
"Actually yeah! I could do with a walk." Callum stood up.   
"I love you Ben!" He said with a soft smile, and Ben walked up to him. "Same here" Ben whispered before kissing him softly 

They walked to the park where they sat on a bench. "You ok babe?" Callum asked "You aren't still angry at Ian are you?"  
"I am actually" Ben replied honestly "aren't you?"  
"No" Callum replied. "Because I'm with you, I'm happy...even with all this going on...I've still got you by my side" he blushed slightly. "Let Ian think whatever he wants. Everyone who matters to us knows the score. So no, what he thinks doesn't affect me! I'm only bothered about what you think and how you feel!"   
Ben smiled at him   
"What?" Callum asked suddenly self conscious   
"You are...so...amazing...your outlook on everything is amazing!" Ben leaned in and kissed him. "You are right...sod Ian!"   
Callum smiled. "How are you feeling?" Ben asked taking Callums hand.  
"I'm ok...I'm tired but I'm ok, I'm fed up of sleeping. Fresh airs nice to be honest! I'm just glad I don't have any more chemo until next week."  
Ben stroked Callums hand. "You have been so stong through this darling. You've been so strong and so brave! I'm so proud of you. I'm so glad I've got you so maybe now is the time to show you how much I love you" He smiled thoughtfully before bending down on one knee in front of Callum, who shot him a confused glance with tired eyes  
"Callum Highway..." he pulled a ring box out of his pocket and flipped it open revealing a beautiful titanium ring "will you make me the happiest man on the planet and marry me?"  
Callum looked shocked but smiled.  
"Of course" he breathed, "there's nothing I would want more!"  
Ben slid the ring on Callum's finger and kissed him fiercely. "I've wanted to ask you for ages" Ben admitted shyly "you Cal are my Life! Cancer or no Cancer I had to show you how much you mean to me. You are everything to me"   
Callum held Ben against him. "As are you, I couldn't do this without you by my side. I wouldn't want to." He admitted  
They sat together, holding each other closely.  
"You know something Cal?" Ben asked   
Callum looked down at him fondly  
"You are the best thing to ever happen to me!" He admitted.  
"Same with you!" Callum kissed him again.  
Ben spotted Bobby walking over.  
"Sit Bobbster!" Ben smiled  
"I am so sorry about my Dad!" Bobby said as soon he sat down. "I can't believe he would stoop so low!"   
"Well, at first I was livid, but Callums not angry, I just can't believe he thinks we would lie about something like this, after all the stuff he's lied about!"   
"I'm ashamed to call him my dad. Youve been so kind and helpful to me Callum. Eh, Phil said to Ian he'd better watch out for when Stuart finds out what he said!"  
"I wish I'd seen his face...I dont think Ian will be invited to our wedding somehow!" Ben replied smirking at Callum who chuckled.  
"Wedding?" Bobby said confused  
"Yeah, Ben asked me to marry him about 5 minutes ago!" Callum said holding up his hand with the ring on it.   
"Congratulations guys" Bobby said smiling.  
"I'm so happy for you! You deserve to be happy. You really do. I'm so glad I found you, I've been so worried about my dad saying that. Last thing I want is for him to add more stress onto you two, you have got enough on your plate, but he only ever thinks of himself." Bobby sighed.   
"Honestly Bobby, it's fine." Callum said.  
"How's it going...the chemo?" Bobby asked  
"OK, I just feel sick and tired, but I've not got any more until next week so I'm enjoying the break from it. Missing working though to be honest."  
"It must be hard for you!" Bobby said "I never really thanked you for helping me, and I just wanted you to know I really appreciated it! If I can do anythingfor you two. Let me know!"   
"Dont worry about it! I helped you because I had PTSD, i knew what you were going through" Callum replied with a smile.  
\-----------  
It was a couple of hours later and Ben was doing some of the household chores while Callum was having a sleep upstairs, as he was knackered. Phil walked in with some shopping  
"Alright Ben?" He asked "I've told Ian what I think of him and stood up for Callum."   
"Yeah? thanks Dad well I took your advice and I asked him to marry me!"  
Phil smiled clasping Ben's shoulder "and?"  
"He said yeah, you were right, life's too short"  
"Definately be having drinks in the Vic later then!" Phil smiled "congratulations Ben. Where is he anyway?"  
"I made him go for a sleep upstairs. He looked shattered!' Ben replied washing the dishes. "Did you really threaten Ian with Stuart? Saw Bobby in the park"   
"Yeah, I also said that Callum has been worked into the ground with his attack and its nice for Ian to repay him like this!"  
Ben smirked. "Its right though, he did an eighteen hour shift, three days on the run!" Ben agreed. "He has lost everyone now" Phil said "except Sharon and I'm sure she's only doing it to keep her claws In the Vic, she don't love him!"  
"Yeah Bobby came to see us in the park shortly after I proposed to Callum he said he was on Callums side and he can't stand Ian any more"  
"Most people are" Phil replied. "Your Callum is a kind and decent lad, not selfish and always puts others first. Basically the exact opposite of Ian. Callums got a lot of support, and Ian's jealous of that."  
"Is it really bad that when we meet Rainie and Stuart later, I want to tell them what Ian said, just so I can watch Stuart batter him behind that bar?" Ben smirked  
"Yes! Although it is tempting to see the runt get leathered, you should focus on your engagement instead! Be happy and united, he won't be able to stand that." Phil advised him smiling.  
"I'm gonna go tell mum the news. Callum should be alright but I'd feel better if I knew someone was home."  
"Of course, I'm finished at the garage anyway, I've got to pick up a few parts for a motor but that can wait. I'll make sure he is okay don't worry" Phil reassured him  
Ben nodded and left.   
"Hey mum" he said walking into her house. "Hey Ben, I've only just got back from the cafe. You alright love?"  
"Yeah I'm great actually I have got some great news for you!"  
"Ooh go on then tell me!" Kathy smiled  
"I've just asked Callum to marry me and he said yes!"   
"Oh my god, congratulations Ben, ooh I'm so happy for the pair of ya!" She hugged him tightly. "I'm so glad you are happy together, you are so perfect for each other!"  
"Me too mum. He's so amazing. He's been so strong throughout the diagnosis and the chemo...I just needed to show him how I felt" Ben smiled back. "Gonna go for a drink in the Vic tonight to celebrate if you fancy joining us?"  
"Wouldn't miss it for the world. I'll probably be there about half 7 love! And if Ian says anything to ruin this. I will put him in his place, don't you worry about that!"  
"Cheers mum, see you later!" He kissed her on the cheek and left. 

\------------- 

"Hey you are up!" Phil said as Callum walked into the kitchen about five minutes after Ben had left. "Ben's just nipped out to check on Kathy, he told me about your engagement, congratulations!"  
"Cheers Phil!" Callum replied   
"Yeah, i have decided we are all going to go to the Vic later for celebratory drinks, seeing as Stuart and Rainie are going to be there anyway!" Phil added. "You are good for this family Callum, there is no one that I would rather have for my son in law!"  
He squoze Callums shoulder.  
"There is no one I'd rather be going through all this with to be honest. You and Ben have been amazing!" Callum smiled   
Ben walked in "hey tiger, didn't expect you to be up yet. You feeling ok?" He kissed Callums cheek. "Yeah the sleep did me good. Dont feel nearly as tired now! How was your mum, she ok?"  
"Yeah, she's going to join us in the Vic later!" Ben smiled. "You up for a chippy tea?" He asked   
"Yeah sure!" Callum replied brightly! "I'll come with ya!"   
"Get some er, Fish and chips for me" Phil added "I've just got to nip out myself but I should be back within half an hour. Just stick it in the oven for us!" 

Ben and Callum held hands as they had a slow stroll to the chippy.   
"Ey up bro!" Stuart said as he caught sight of them. "Drinks in the Vic later?"   
"Yeah course!" Callum replied. "Me and Ben are celebrating our engagement."  
"Yeah?" Stuart grinned "made up for yous two" he hugged Callum and then grabbed Ben in a bear hug!  
"Stu I can't breathe" Ben gasped just as Stuart released him.   
"Sorry Benny Boy!" Stuart teased grinning when Ben mock glared at him. "Yeah ill be in the Vic about 7 yeah!" He winked at Callum before leaving.  
Callum shook his head smiling as he and Ben continued walking.  
"I think hes cracked my ribs!" Ben joked causing Callum to laugh "yeah he don't know his own strength!" He replied slipping his arm around Ben's waist.  
\-------------  
By the time Ben Phil and Callum got to the Vic, Stuart and Rainie were already there.   
Phil went up to the bar  
"2 Bottles of your finest champagne and an orange juice for me please Sharon" he ordered   
"Celebrating?" She asked as Ian came over to earwig. "Yeah, Ben and Callum got engaged today!' Phil replied digging out his wallet.   
"Oh that's great news!" Sharon replied kindly "Congratulations you two!" She shouted over and Ben nodded politely at her smiling, before smirking at the shocked expression on Ians face.  
"Yeah" Phil replied quietly "well Callums chemo ain't easy, gives them something to work towards and look forward to. If you believe that he has cancer that is!" He added looking pointedly at Ian who looked away embarrased. "Of course I believe them" Sharon replied taken aback. "They aren't going to lie about that, plus no offence but I saw Callum earlier today and he looked awful!"  
"Well maybe tell your husband that. An apology might be nice Ian!" He added as he took the tray of champagne and glasses over to the table.  
He slid in beside Ben and popped the Cork, causing Rainie and Ben to cheer.  
"Here's to our future babe!" Ben clincked his glass against Callums, before kissing him.  
"Hear hear" Rainie said cheerily.  
Jay came over "celebrating?"  
"Yeah, i asked Callum to marry me!" Ben replied as Lola came over. "And he just couldn't resist me, could ya babe?" He teased light-heartedly.  
"Ooh congratulations!" They said in unison squeezing in next to Rainie.  
They had a great evening, filled with laughter and happiness and Callum smiled feeling so content. He had Ben, and he was going to fight this cancer with everything he had, get married to Ben and be happy.


	6. Chapter 6.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ian gets his due and Callum shaves his head.

Callum was rudely awakened by his alarm and groaned, turning it off and rolling over fully intending to go back to sleep   
"Come on tiger. Up you get...chemo today!" Ben said softly, stroking Callums face as he lay in bed next to him  
"Urgh ten more minutes!" Callum groaned wrapping the blanket further round himself  
"Come on darling...up...we don't want to be late"   
Callum opened his eyes and sighed.  
"I know you are tired and don't want to go...I get it!" Ben sympathised "come on"  
He encouraged as Callum slowly got up. "Lets go and have a brew yeah!"   
They sat at the kitchen table. "Its been nice not having chemo, I really don't want to do this!" Callum said as Ben made them a brew.  
"I'll be there with you babe, I know chemo is awful and i can't imagine how much you are dreading it, but it's got to be done darling!"  
"I know!" Callum groaned. "I know, I'm just being a right wuss."  
"No...You really aren't!" Ben sighed. "I'm not particularly looking forward to it either, and it's not me having the chemo." He handed Callum his brew and sat down opposite him.  
"I..." Callum trailed off shaking his head "doesn't matter"  
"Go on baby...you can tell me anything, you know that!" Ben replied softly  
Callum sighed. "Each chemo treatment is another one closer to me losing my hair...its just bothering me more than I ever thought it would!"   
"Hey its ok..." Ben reassured him, holding his hand. "I'd much rather you lose your hair, than I lose you yeah. I aint gonna judge ya, you never know. Might look sexy without hair!" He tried to lighten the mood.  
Callum smiled slightly "so you don't find me sexy with hair then?" He teased back  
"Of course I do...you are absolutely gorgeous." Ben kissed him. "But I also love you because of who you are, the fact that you are incredibly good looking is just an added bonus!" He swigged his brew.  
"I dunno whether to just get it out of the way. So I'm not worrying...but I don't think I could actually do it!" Callum replied.  
"Its up to you tiger. We could shave it off later together? Could buy a load of hats and hoodies for you if we have time before chemo!" Ben suggested. "I will shave it off for you if you want me too...I won't think any less of you!" Ben smiled.   
Callum looked thoughtful, sipping his brew. "Yeah? Yeah! Let's do it later. It's done then isn't it?" He decided  
Ben nodded. "Lets finish that brew, get dressed and go shopping then"  
\-------------  
"Retail therapy?" Marie asked seeing the shopping bags Ben was carrying.  
"Yeah, hats and hoodies, I'm gonna shave my hair off later!" Callum admitted.   
"Good for you, it will start falling out soon anyway, might as well get it over and done with!" She encouraged, as she grabbed the cannula needle. "Ooh nice ring. You got something you want to share?" She beamed as she inserted the cannula into the back of Callum's left hand and attached the chemo drip.  
"Ben asked me to marry him!" Callum smiled at Ben who winked at him  
"Oh how lovely!" Marie gushed. "Fantastic news, congratulations you two!"  
"Cheers Marie" Ben smiled at Callum  
"You two know the drill, 3 hours. Buzz if ya need me, and I will be back to check on you soon my lovelies!"  
Callum curled up in the chair sighing and Ben kissed his head as he pulled up a chair next to him.  
"Now, this is my favourite hat!" Ben said pulling out a hot pink beanie with a grin. "Couldn't resist slipping that one in!" Callum shook his head smiling at Ben's mischievous grin.  
\---------------  
"I've changed my mind!" Callum said nervously as they sat in the kitchen after they had got back from the hospital.  
Ben knew how nervous Callum was about this.  
"I can't" Callum thrust the hair clippers at him.   
"I'm gonna look ill! What if I have a wierd shaped head or summat?!"  
"Cal...listen babe. Your head looks perfectly shaped to me alright! And you are ill babe, losing your hair aint gonna stop you having dark circles under your eyes, or hide all the weight you've lost" Ben said, causing Callum to look embarrassed. He sighed feeling guilty  
"Babe, I didn't mean it like that. Its just...having cancer is nothing to be embarrassed about...I think you are amazing. How strong you've been while going through this. I'm in awe of you and I will love you whether you have hair or not."  
"Nowt wrong with being Bald" Phil said as he walked into the kitchen. "Anyone says owt to ya, send em my way. I prefer it, I dont have to pay for haircuts" he chuckled trying to lighten the mood  
"And you've got loads of hoodies and hats now!" Ben added.  
"It will grow back" Phil continued causing Callum to smile.  
"I'll shave mine off too?" Ben offered with a smile  
"Dont you dare!" Callum shook his head smiling at Ben's suggestion.  
"Right, here we go" Ben turned the clippers on, as Phil started to do the washing up.  
Slowly and carefully Ben shaved Callums hair off. As soon as he turned the clippers off, he brushed all the hair off Callums Tshirt, before walking round and crouching down in front of him "I still think you look gorgeous!" He said kissing him fiercely before passing Callum a hoodie which he instantly threw on, pulling the hood over his head. "Thanks" he muttered. "My dads bald, Stu's bald and now me"   
"Makes no difference to me!" Ben said. "I love you because you're kind and caring and amazing!" Callum smiled blushing   
"Come on let me take a selfie with you."   
"Only if the hood stays up" Callum agreed.  
"Babe, come on. When you beat this, this is a moment you can be proud of!" Ben argued "you've done brilliantly, and you've done it, you shaved your head, you should be proud. I am"   
Callum sighed "Fine" he agreed, pulling his hood back down  
"Come on dad, in ya get!" Ben pulled out his phone, and snapped a selfie of them all.  
"I'm so proud of you tiger!" Ben kissed him, rubbing Callums head. "Or should I start calling you Heisenberg?" causing Phil to laugh loudly  
"Shut up Ben!" Callum grinned, "Eurgh feels wierd with no hair..." he trailed off  
"Do you want to see what you look like?" Ben asked softly.  
Callum froze before nodding slowly, and Ben led him to the mirror at the bottom of the stairs.  
"Oh my god!" Callum breathed. "I look awful!"  
"No you don't!" Ben replied, kissing him "you look amazing...because what you are going through is hard, and you are doing brilliantly! No one has any right to judge you babe!"  
Callum held Ben against him. "I love you" He whispered. "You always know how to make me feel better!" He pulled away. "Can I ask a favour?" He asked  
"Of course" Ben said, his arms around Callums waist. "Can you get me one of then really nice toasties from the cafe?"   
"Of course...but we could go together!" Ben replied as Callum bit his lip nervously.  
"Come on, you have to go out sometime...it will be fine!" Ben reassured him. "I'll be with you, just keep your hood up if you want to. Any one says anything and I'll lay em out!" He promised  
"Alright!" Callum agreed softly, letting Ben take his hand as they walked to cafe.  
"Callum love, Ben!" Kathy greeted them warmly. "What can I get for ya?"  
"Cheese and ham toastie and a bacon roll please mam!"  
"I'll bring it over in a second love!" Kathy responded smiling.  
Ben and Callum sat down at the table.  
"This hood feels well wierd now!" Callum sighed rubbing his head. "Oh i hate this  
"I know darling!" Ben sighed taking Callums hand in his own. "You feeling ok though, you've gone really pale?"   
"Yeah, just a bit tired, I'll be alright though!" Callum admitted. "I love you Ben!"  
"And I love you darlin" Ben smiled at him.   
"Hey up you two!" Jay came over  
"Alright Jay" Callum smiled as Jay sat down.  
"Right Jay, settle this argument for me!" Ben pulled out his phone and showed Jay the selfie that he took. "You shaved it off, wow you're brave!" Jay said shocked  
"He looks fine though, right?" Ben asked  
"Yeah, Definately. It will probably just take some getting used to, like when one of my exs decided to dye her hair bright green!" Jay smiled fondly at the memory.  
"Nah its fine honestly Callum, don't worry about it bro!" Jay replied supportively. "How's it all going?"  
"I had another chemo appointment this morning. Just tired to be honest but I'm so so sick of sleeping!" Callum replied honestly   
"Here you are love!" Kathy brought their plates over, before sitting down with them for a moment   
"I must admit feel so so bad about Ian, but he's refusing to apologise! He's got to learn his actions have consequences, even Sharon isn't talking to him." Kathy informed them  
"Why what did he do?" Jay asked in confusion  
"Oh he thinks I am lying about Callum having cancer Jay because I'm not getting enough attention off mum because it's all on him. Probably thinks Callums shaved his hair off to make a point now!" Ben replied cutting up his fried egg.  
"What? That's disgusting!" Jay burst out in anger.   
"I know!" Kathy added. "But he doesn't seem to care, Ians selfish ain't he? whereas you Callum, all the help you gave Bobby, all the lovely things you do for people and this is how he repays you both, you are so brave Callum, and i think you look good with no hair darling! What you are going through is awful, and he has no right to say what he has. I hear Ben's been taking good care of ya! But If either of you need anything at all then you know you only have to ask!" She squoze his shoulder before going back to the counter   
"Thats low of Ian that" Jay said shaking his head "God he's...he's vile. I can't believe he thinks that, is he mental or just stupid and rude?"  
Callum nodded. "Its not fair on Ben really, he's got enough stress looking after me!"  
"Hey, I dont mind" Ben said softly "it's not me I'm angry for, it's you. You are the one going through chemo and stuff Callum and he's saying there's nothing wrong with you. That's why I'm mad babe, and why you should be. Put yourself first for once Callum. Be angry for you, yeah!" He frowned sadly at Callums ingrained low self-worth.  
Jay nodded "yeah, Ben's actually right!" He nicked some of Ben's bacon ignoring Ben's protest. "You are always doing things for other people and you're just...well...a great guy-"  
"Oi stop coming onto my fiance you!" Ben interjected cheekily causing Callum to laugh   
"Shut it Ben...no I mean Ian wouldn't even help his own family out when they needed him, because he wanted to go out and build his Ian Beale empire and be a pillar if this community with his Councillor stuff, like Bobby when he had that breakdown, and Ian was worried Bobby being a Muslim would affect his reputation and he only accepted it because he realised he could class himself as Multicultural for the governors for brownie points, and you offered to help because you are a selfless person who would probably give a homeless guy his last few quid, whereas he remortgaged his mums cafe by forging paperwork and robbed all the money! That's why Ian needs to understand he doesn't get to insult you without consequences." He stood up. "Finished? Come on then!"  
"Come on where? Ben asked in confusion.  
"Just come on" Jay said firmly  
They followed him to the Vic   
"No" Callum protested realising what Jay was going to do "no way!"  
"Trust me Callum, I'm your mate yeah. I aint letting him get away with this" Jay gently pushed him inside followed by Ben.  
Stuart was in there with Rainie and came over. "You look different bro...ohhhh, sorry!" He said upon realising.  
"OI IAN!" Jay shouted "YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF! SAYING CALLUM DON'T REALLY HAVE CANCER!"   
the pub went quiet "oh my god" Callum groaned in embarrassment, Ben squoze his hand supportively, giving him an encouraging smile and a wink.  
"He what?" Stuart said in a deadly tone.  
"HOW DARE YOU!" He yelled as Ian paled.  
"You know what Ian, Callum is worth a hundred of you!" Jay snarled   
"LOOK, I...I didn't mean it like that?" Ian tried to backtrack  
"Oh really?" Ben scoffed "so I'm not apparently going round telling LIES saying Callums got CANCER because I'm jealous my mum is paying you more attention than me?" He shouted "my mum wanted to slap you when you said that!" He admitted "that's what she told me, she was embarrassed of you!"  
"How dare you....Callum could die!! You insensitive selfish bastard!" Rainie screeched. Stuart was too angry for words, fixing Ian with a death glare  
"You called me and Stu Scum remember Ian, called me a pathetic loser. That's you mate, not us!" Rainie shouted at Ian  
"He said what?" Callum was shocked.  
"Look I've been ill, I haven't been well, I'm still not well. do we have to do this now?" Ian tried to stall them  
"You've been ill? Stuart laughed. "And Callum ain't yeah? He doesn't need this stress Ian. My little brother is really sick yeah, NO ONE treats Callum or Ben like that. I bet if you had cancer you would be milking it, whereas Callum has been so strong and brave throughout this. HOW DARE you call them liars!"  
"I dont feel like drinking in here anymore!" Mick said coming over in support. "Callum is really ill. and you what, go and say that." Mick snarled at him. "You ain't fit to be behind that bar Ian, or even class yourself as part of this community." Linda nodded. "Callum is our Lees best mate from the army. He's served in wars for our country, for you! He got into the police force, hunting down your attacker, working ridiculous hours for you Ian. And you thank him by saying he don't have cancer. You are disgusting!" She slammed her hand down on the bar. "You only think of yourself!"  
"Look I wasn't thinking when I said it!" Ian fumbled for an excuse. "I....I...I ain't been feeling right since I was attacked."  
"You wonder why you were attacked?" Jay rebutted. "You insult people, you lie, you steal, you cheat! You are selfish Ian, when was the last time you did something nice for someone else?" Jay retorted angrily  
"Yeah Callum gave me his 200 grand family heirloom ring to save this place when we were in debt!" Mick admitted for the first time, causing Ben to look at Callum in shock, before kissing his cheek in admiration.  
"He could have spent that on himself, nice house, flash motor, you know he didn't even want any of it back whereas YOU...you wouldn't even give me a loan when I got down on my knees and begged ya!"  
"Callum paid for my breakfast when I forgot my purse!" Kat shouted over joining in "and he helped me carry my shopping home when the bags split, and you accuse him of lying about having cancer you little rat!" Mo added disgusted at Ians behaviour.   
Callum blushed in embarrassment.  
"I'm a Councillor you know!" Ian protested in anger at the verbal attacks he was receiving "I deserve respect!"  
"No you don't" Ben scoffed. "You earn respect!"  
"Damn right!" Kat shouted. "And you Ian are a bully! Always trying to make everyone else feel small so that you can feel like a big man. We'll here is how much I 'respect' you. She walked over and poured her wine slowly over his head as he stared at her in shock, frozen to the spot. "I think I'll start drinking elsewhere, if you ever need anything you two!" She turned to Ben and Callum putting on a show for Ian who was mopping himself down with a bar towel. "Do not hesitate to ask us yeah, that's what we do in the square..." she glared at Ian "we help each other out" she stormed out of the pub.  
"Yeah, Callums had more chemo this morning!" Ben glared at Ian. "He needs his rest, come on darling, let's go!" He steered Callum out of the pub followed by Jay, able to hear Stuart and Mick continuing to shout obscenities at Ian.  
"I can't believe you did that!" Callum said to Jay. "  
"Well, it needed doing Callum. He can't treat you like that, either of you. Right I'm heading back to the car lot. I'll Bob in for a brew later yeah? Better get some biscuits for me as well yeah!" Jay left them to it.  
"I am so embarrassed" Callum admitted to Ben.  
"You really gave a 200 grand ring to Mick?"  
"Yeah, least I could do really , he'd let me stay there for free when I got back from Iraq, I had bad PTSD, I weren't in a good place and Mick, well he helped me out a lot."  
"Babe, you are just the sweetest man I know. Honestly you'd put a Saint to shame you. Hmmm Saint Callum does have a ring to it." He teased   
"Oh stop it Ben!" Callum replied embarrassed before suddenly stopping, stumbling slightly and grabbing hold of Ben like a lifeline.   
"Cal whats up?" Ben asked concerned   
"Sorry, I'm really dizzy. I...I need to sit down."  
Ben helped Callum sit down on the pavement.  
"Jesus Cal, you've gone really pale and shaky." He held Callum against his side  
"Are you ok? What do you want me to do?"  
"I'll be alright in a minute, just give me a sec" Callum said slowly  
"OK, yeah we can do that!" Ben said holding Callum against him, stroking his arm. "You are going straight to the sofa for a lie down when we get back, no arguments Callum, you hear me?"   
Callum nodded weakly against him.  
They stayed there for a few minutes before Callum spoke "help me up then babe" he said pushing himself up until he was finally supporting his own weight and not leaning on Ben  
"You sure babe? You still look dead pale."  
"Yeah, ill be ok" Ben helped him up slowly, putting his arm around Callums waist and supporting him as they slowly walked the short distance home.   
He supported him over to the sofa and got him lay down with his head on a cushion, grabbing what they all affectionately now called "Callums blanket" off the back of the sofa, draping it over him, and pulled Callums hood down, ignoring Callums protests with "its only me here babe, I just want you to be comfy yeah?"  
He got Callum a glass of water, which Callum gratefully drank, before flopping back down on the sofa with a sigh  
"Lift up tiger" Ben whispered as he slowly slid in under Callums head, putting the pillow in his lap. He turned the TV on at a low volume. "Oh prison break, now this is good Cal!" He said stroking Callum's arm.   
"I've never seen it!" Callum replied softly.  
"Well, basically what happens right is" he continued to explain the plot to Callum, hearing his breathing even out as he slowly fell asleep. "Love you darling" he whispered as he watched Callum sleeping peacefully for a few moments and was startled when his dad noisily came in through the kitchen door causing Callum to stir slightly.  
"Shhhh, go back to sleep darling, it's just my dad" Ben whispered to him, shushing his lips at Phil when he came in. "Sorry" Phil whispered "just heard from Jay what happened in the Vic. Glad to see Ian put In his place. Is he ok?" He said shooting Callum a concerned glance and quickly feeling his forehead to see if he was running a temperature.  
"Hes only just gone to sleep, he went really dizzy on the way back, I thought he was going to pass out, he's absolutely knackered bless him!" Ben replied quietly. "Its been a crazy morning put it that way!"  
"Yeah apparently shortly after you left, everyone in the pub followed shortly after, refusing to drink in there!" Phil smiled. "Callums got a lot of friends on this square!"   
Ben nodded   
"Yeah, he does, everyone in the Vic was saying all the nice things he did for them. He's so caring and kind!" He stroked Callums cheek  
Phil nodded "ah you're watching Prison break, now that's a good series!" Phil said "I'd best get back to work-"  
Callums legs jerked suddenly causing them both to stare at him in concern. His legs jerked again and he started seizing. "Oh no...no..no" Ben turned Callums face towards him "Callum?" He asked as he held him close. "Dad time it!" He ordered as Phil quickly got his phone out.   
The seizure didn't last long, only a couple of minutes much to the huge relief of Ben and Phil, and Callum remained asleep as Ben tried to get his panicked breathing back under control.  
"He's OK Ben, yeah, we are here to help him if he needs us " Phil tried to reassure him.  
"I know, I know...its just-" Ben's eyes filled with tears.  
"You don't like seeing him unwell! I get it Ben, believe me! Come on he'll be ok, let's just let him rest ok!" Phil replied rearranging the blanket back over Callums legs where he had kicked it off during his seizure.  
"I just feel useless dad. I can't threaten his cancer, I can't batter it until it goes away...I just want to feel like I can... do something, he's suffering dad, and I can't stop that!" Ben wiped away the tears falling down   
"Ben, you are helping him more than you know, you are here for him, that's all he needs from you, love, support, hope!" Phil sighed. "He knows that you can't fix this, and he doesn't expect you to...he just needs you to be strong for him, and I know you can do that!"   
"Cheers Dad" Ben said tearfully   
"Its alright!" Phil said squeezing his shoulder. "I'd best get back to the garage else I'm gonna end up getting behind but if you need me, ring me and I will come straight home yeah!"  
Ben nodded silently with a small smile, as he stroked Callums arm with his fingers.   
He continued watching prison break without really paying any attention to it, and about half an hour later he felt Callum shift against him, and looked down to see Callums eyes flickering open.  
"Oh" Callum groaned. "Oh I'm aching all over!"  
"Yeah, you...you um...you er had a seizure while you were asleep darling!" Ben stroked his cheek   
"What? Oh I'm so sorry!" He said pushing himself up slowly so he was in a sitting position  
"Dont apologise, you have nothing to be sorry for babe!" Ben replied, cupping his cheek. "I'm just glad you are ok now, how are you feeling?"  
"I dunno" Callum replied slowly. "Not right anyway, I...just feel a bit spaced out I guess. I'm aching all over!"  
"Do you want me to grab you some of your pain meds?" Ben asked.  
"If you don't mind" Callum mumbled  
"Of course one sec babe!" He went to grab them out of the kitchen.  
"Here you go" he said coming in with a 2 painkillers and a glass of water.   
"Thanks babe!" Callum replied gratefully. "Oh god, I feel awful" he said knocking back the painkillers. He went to rub his hand through his hair, freezing when he hit bare skin. "Oh yeah, got no hair, somehow I'd forgotten about that!" He sighed putting his head in his hands, feeling frustrated.  
"Hey, it's alright!" Ben put his arm around Callum's back "it's been a very wierd day today for me aswell!"   
"I just can't do this!" Callum shook his head. "I've had enough!" A tear slid down his cheek  
"I know" Ben "this is awful, but we can't give up, we have to get through this!" He held Callum against him cupping his head against his chest. "Callum I am here for you the entire way through this. You don't have to put on a brave front for me, I'll always understand. I love you so so much Callum. I'm not going anywhere ok!" He wiped away his own tears. "Do you want anything? A bath, shower, lunch, a brew?" He suggested.   
"A brew sounds amazing, I'll get a shower later." Callum responded drying his eyes and smiling at Ben.  
"We have got this yeah!" Ben squoze his knee before he went into the kitchen.   
\------------

So that's everything I have written so far! Let me know your favourite bits!

Thanks for reading


	7. 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ian comes to his senses and poor Callum doesn't feel well

Chapter 7 

A/N - Sharon isn't poisoning Ian, he's healthy in this fic. 

Later that evening, Callum was resting on the sofa leaning against Ben as they watched the news with Phil. He was feeling really tired but thankfully his nausea wasn't as bad as it had been. (Jeans ginger teas were definately helping.) But he was comfy and Ben was there, so he was feeling ok considering.  
There was a loud knock on the front door. Phil sighed, "I'll get it!" Phil sighed, heaving himself out of the armchair.   
He walked over to the front door.   
"Wonder who that is?" Ben murmered stroking Callums shaved head.   
"I need a hat" Callum made to get up but Ben held him In place. "You are at home, if who ever that is says anything bad about you shaving your hair off, me and my dad won't stand for it. You should be able to be comfy here, its your home." Ben said protectively, stroking Callums head.  
"Ian and Kathy are here to see you!" Phil announced as he came back in the living room with their guests In tow.  
"Eurgh help me sit up Ben." Callum weakly as he tried but failed to get into a sitting position his arms refusing to hold his weight.  
"No, you stay comfy Callum" Kathy insisted "you look knackered love and we won't be here too long. Ian just has something he would like to say!" She looked pointedly at Ian who sat down in the chair to face them  
Ian licked his lips nervously. "I'm sorry, I really am...I shouldn't have said what I did. Callum I can't imagine to begin what you are going through and I'm sorry that I accused you of lying about it for attention Ben. It was uncalled for."   
Ben nodded "it was uncalled for Ian. You are lucky I didn't come for you" he said in a dangerous tone "Callum is going through hell. I am going through hell. I don't care about mums attention. I just want Callum to be ok, he could die Ian, yeah. So having mums attention on me really isn't important. What's important is helping Callum beat cancer so that after we get married i can have a long and happy life together with the man I love." He admitted emotionally, showing weakness to his brother for once.  
"I know Ben, I honestly don't know why I said it. I was angry, and everyone is right. Callum you are a much better person than I could ever hope to be. Yeah I lied and I stole and I put people down, I dont want to be this person anymore. I've just given up my position as Councillor, and I'm going to focus on building bridges and being a better person. I guess the reason I did what I did is because I've never felt good enough, I tried to make myself seem important round here and in doing that I lost sight of who I was, and what was important to me."  
"All that's important is family." Callum replied. "Im gonna be straight with you Ian yeah, and I'm going to tell you something not a lot of people know... My dad was useless except for with his fists and getting drunk or high, Stuart he tried but it wasn't the same and I don't even know where my mum is, she walked out on us when I was 2 which my dad blamed on me my entire childhood. No one really showed me kindness Ian, I never felt I belonged, until I met Ben, and I realised what love was." He took a shaky breath, feeling emotionally drained "You have great kids, a lovely mum. Ben. Sharon. People who love you. Money isn't important, what's important is love. You can't buy that. Not real love. If you don't change Ian then you will be a lonely old man at the end and you will regret it. Its easy to put people down, what's harder is making them feel good about themselves." He sighed. "I know what I'm talking about Ian yeah...My dad used to batter me black and blue, always tell me I didn't deserve to be his son. I should have been killed at birth yeah. I hated myself. I hated myself so so much ...that I wasn't what he wanted, that I'd never make him proud...that I wanted to die. Its why I joined the army, hoping I wouldn't make it back home and get killed on duty. I helped Bobby because I've been in his shoes. So if you want to change you need to commit to it, if not for your sakes then for your families!" He broke off wiping away tears.  
"That doesn't leave this room either!" Ben added dangerously to Ian kissing Callums head in support, teary eyed at what Callum had just admitted to them all 

"It won't...thank you for trusting me enough to hear that...both of you...the reason I act like I do is because I'm scared I'm going to be a failure, so I tried to build myself up into someone who was successful and had some power, but... I don't even recognise myself anymore. I honestly cannot apologise to you enough and things will change. I'm going to have a long hard think about how I can fix this! And become someone like you Callum, who does good things for people without expecting anything in return. I'm so sorry for what I put you through." Ian replied sincerely. "And congratulations on your engagement, you both deserve to be happy!"  
Kathy hugged Ian shocked at what he had admitted  
"Ian, you aren't a failure to me, because you've tried Nd that's what matters. I'd much rather you were a good dad to your kids over how many businesses you own or your profits." Kathy replied squeezing his shoulder. "Come on Ian, let's leave them too it. Oh and Callum thank you for sharing that, I know it must have been hard but I think Ian needed to hear it so thank you!"  
Ian nodded and they left them to it.  
"Oh Callum" Ben whispered "even I didn't know some of that. I can't believe your dad made you feel like that"  
"Its in the past now Ben. Its fine" Callum tried to reassure him.  
"Its not fine, he should never have made you feel like that!" Ben's voice portrayed his sadness.  
"I dont feel like that any more and that's all that matters" Callum replied softly. "And I really don't want to talk about it."  
"Ok" Ben ran his hand along Callums arm. "You know you can talk to me about anything darling yeah?"  
Callum nodded nuzzling into Ben's side, however his nausea suddenly came back full force.  
"Ben" he bit out "I think I'm gonna be-" he retched trying to get his body to react and get him to stand up. His legs gave way and he ended up on his hands and knees on the floor as he threw up all over the laminate floor. Ben held him up as his arms threatened to give way. "Easy tiger, shhh its okay, hush, I'm here, I got ya baby" Ben whispered comforting words to him as Callum continued to throw up, frustrated tears sliding down his face as he choked in air as he struggled to breathe before the next wrench in his stomach hit and he threw up again.   
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" Callum gasped out when the nausea had passed "oh god."  
"Its ok, you've got nothing to be sorry for, you aren't well Cal, its ok! Jesus Cal, you're shaking like a leaf, come on let's sit you you up darlin"  
He helped Callum to lean with his back against the sofa.  
"Easy Cal, I got ya!" Ben said as Phil went to get some clean up supplies for the vomit on the floor.  
"God I'm so sorry...ill clean it up" Call said flushed with embarrassment.   
"Hey I will do that, you just get some rest on that sofa!" Phil said as kindly as he could as he came back handing Ben a glass of water for Callum before starting to clean the sick up  
"Hey darling it's ok, you are still shaking Callum, come on let's get you up on the sofa, and you have a sleep yeah?" Ben reassured his boyfriend. Phil helped Ben lift Callum up onto the sofa where he gratefully sunk back into the cushions as Ben held the water to his lips and helped him drink. When he'd had as much as he could, he slowly nudged the glass away. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry babe. God I hate this!" Tears leaked out and Ben pulled Callum against his chest  
"Dont apologise, its just a bit of sick, yeah. It's fine, let's get you lay down yeah, you don't look well baby. I think some rest will do you good yeah, it's been a long day yeah, and you've done amazing. Proud of you yeah, so don't apologise."  
He leant his head against Callums. "Do you need anything babe?  
Callum shook his head a fraction. "Will you stay?" He asked in a shaky voice, hating himself for being weak.  
"Of course I will!" Ben reassured him, gently sliding himself in so Callums head was resting on a cushion in his lap. "You just sleep now yeah?" He said as he gently stroked Callums arm comfortingly. "I'm not going anywhere ok!"  
Callum nodded weakly slowly drifting into sleep, his breathing evening out.   
"He will be ok!" Phil said as he started to mop the floor.   
"I know, he was so amazing when I lost my hearing Dad, just hearing all that about his childhood...Callums always been so strong and I hate seeing him like this."  
"I know" Phil said simply with a sigh, before lapsing into silence looking thoughtful.  
"I tell you what, why don't I go out and get some pizzas and ice cream, we can have Lexi for tea, just tell her he's a bit under the weather and needs cheering up. Have a movie night with her. Might help Callum feel like everything is a bit more normal?" He suggested   
Ben nodded. "Yeah thats a great idea dad!" He responded "Callum will like that!"   
"I'll nip to the shop then, ring us if you need me!" Phil stood up and grabbed his jacket.  
Ben glanced down at Callum, sleeping peacefully curled up under his blanket, and slowly he too fell asleep. 

\---------- 

When Ben next woke up he spotted Callum smiling at him.  
"Hey you are awake!" Ben murmered, stroking his cheek   
Callum nodded. "Feeling much better now!" He told Ben.   
"Sorry about before!" He added biting his lip.  
"Stop apologising, it's fine. It's all cleaned up, no harm done!" Ben smiled at him lovingly. "Dads gone to get some pizza and ice cream and lexis coming over to cheer you up. Told her you are feeling a bit poorly!"  
"She always cheers me up! Bundle of energy and sass rolled into one that one!" He chuckled softly.  
"Tell me about it!" Ben sighed dramatically.   
Callum lifted himself up off Ben. "Gonna grab a quick shower babe!"   
Ben nodded "enjoy!" He said winking at Callum as he started to make his way to the stairs.  
"I'm back" Phil said. "Popped to Kathy's too see if lexi was up for tea, she's looking forward to it, and er by way of apology. Ian is making the pizzas, he's going to give them Lola when she collects Lexi in a couple of hours. I got the ice cream and some fizzy drinks and stuff...where is lover boy?"   
"Grabbing a shower, he's feeling a lot better now, looks a lot better too!" Ben replied stretching his legs which had fallen asleep on him. "Lexi wants to watch Moana!" Phil added causing Ben to groan. "Again? Even you've seen that about 20 times dad."  
Phil chuckled "I know, but she loves it!"  
Ben stood up. "Argh I don't know what to do with myself!"   
"How about making me a brew?" Phil suggested with a smirk. "And tidy up the kitchen while you're in there!" He ordered.  
Ben grinned giving him a mock salute before he headed into the kitchen.   
\-------- 

"Callum" lexi squealed giving him a hug, as Lola started unpacking the pizzas and chips from Ian.  
"Hey sunshine!" Callum ruffled her hair. "You have a good day?"  
"Yeah, Uncle Ian let me help make the Pizzas so I put a big smiley face on your one to cheer you up!" She smiled at him.  
"In that case this one is yours!" Lola said handing him a pizza box.  
"Oh wow, look at that, it's beautiful Lex, thank you!" Callum praised her.   
"Yeah I did pepperoni for the eyes and pepper for the mouth!" She said proudly.   
"Its very good!" Ben said peering at Callums pizza.  
"I did you a ham and chicken pizza daddy!" Lexi said smiling, as Lola passed Ben his pizza.  
They all sat eating their pizzas as Moana played on the telly.  
"Why do you look different?" Lexi asked Callum suddenly, causing Ben to nearly choke on his Pizza in amusement.   
"Lexi!" Lola hissed "behave!"  
"Nah its fine." Callum laughed at Lexis pout. "I decided to shave my hair off, so your daddy helped me!" He pulled his hood down so she could see  
"Oh...why?"   
"Felt like it?" Callum grinned at Ben   
"Why?"  
"Because he's realised that being bald is the way to go!" Phil answered her, Ben snorted.  
"Yeah thats it! Dad's setting trends now!" Ben laughed   
"Oh this Pizza is well nice!" Lola said "Kathy said about Ian wanting to change his ways, I didn't believe it but when I got there they were covered in flour having a great time."  
"Yeah, he sounded sincere. He certainly didn't have to make our pizzas!" Ben replied as they lapsed into silence.

\------------------  
It was later that night and Ben and Callum were curled up in Bed.   
"Whats going in that head of yours Callum?" Ben asked  
Softly.  
Callum sighed. "We haven't had sex in ages, I... just don't feel well enough! I'm sorry"   
"Its ok!" Ben smiled. "I'm not just with you coz you are good in bed you know!"   
"I know, but chemo is ruining everything, thats what it feels like anyway."  
"Except the chemo is saving your life babe, you need to remember that!" Ben whispered as a tear slid down Callums cheek. "Hey, don't get upset Cal!"  
"I'm sorry, I just feel like a really crap boyfriend at the minute. I just want to be close to you and I'm just so sodding tired all the time!"   
"Its okay darling" Ben smiled at him "you aren't just a notch on my bedpost Cal, you are my fiance. My world. Sex isn't everything for me yeah?" Another tear slid down Callums cheek.  
"You sure?" He asked tearfully.   
"Of course!" Ben stroked his cheek he tried to change the subject to cheer Callum up. "I was thinking a Summer wedding, nice hot day. And a hotel with a pool to cool off in for after before our honeymoon!" Callum smiled. "Mmm sounds good. Sounds really good!" He said as Ben wiped away his tears.  
"Could go anywhere in the world!" Ben whispered "for our honeymoon. Where would you like to visit?"  
"Dunno" Callum shrugged. "I've only ever been to Iraq, I always wanted to go Jamaica!" He admitted. "Dont even know why to be honest!"   
Ben smiled "Jamaica, yeah we could do that!" He kissed Callum. "I'll look into it! Now come on baby, let's get some rest, last chemo appointment tomorrow for the rest of the week." He held Callum against him. "We can have sex whenever you feel up to it baby, no rush...I'm happy just cuddling you for now!"


	8. Chapter 8. It's perfect baby, just like you!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callum has a rough ride at the hospital, and Ben opens up to Marie.

Callum was having his last chemo appointment of the week, and Ben was by his side flicking through his phone.  
"Wow, you were right Darlin" Ben smiled at him  
"Huh?" Callum asked confused, sounding a bit groggy  
"Jamaica is a beautiful place for our honeymoon, beautiful beaches, swimming with dolphins, its perfect!" He smiled at Callum, "just like you!" He squoze Callums hand that didn't have the IV drip in.  
"You ok baby?" He asked upon getting no response.  
"Cal...darlin?" He tried again giving Callums hand a slightly harder squeeze but still with no response.  
He sighed sadly as Callum continued to sit curled up in the chair, staring off into the distance. He rang the buzzer for the nurse.  
"Hey sweetie pie, what's up?" Marie said as she came over  
"Hes stopped responding to me!" Ben said "I'm worried he's going to have a seizure"  
Marie pulled the privacy screen round them. And switched Callums IV off unscrewing it, to detach it the chemo bag from his IV, so he didn't yank the IV out of his hand if he did have a seizure, she had just flushed his cannula out when Callum started to sieze, his muscles clenching and twitching as his breath rattled in his chest. She quickly gave him a shot of anti convulsion medication through his cannula.  
"He will be ok Ben, I've given him some medication, he should stop soon" she quickly stuck her head out through the curtains and grabbed another nurse, giving her some instructions before coming back in the cubicle and feeling Callums pulse as the seizure started to lessen in strength, her eye on her watch, continuing to time the seizure as it lessened from a violent jerking to more of a tremble.  
Another nurse brought a bed in through the curtains and they manoeuvred Callum onto it, before raising the sides of the bed and when the seizure had fully stopped she flushed the IV again before reattaching the chemotherapy drugs. "There we go, ill go and get him another pillow so he's all comfy yeah!" Marie said putting a hospital blanket over the rails for Ben to cover Callum with if he got cold.  
"Thanks" Ben smiled at her before turning his gaze to his boyfriend as the other nurse (who's name Ben couldn't for the life of him remember) took Callums blood pressure and temperature, and noting it in his file.  
"You ok?" Marie said returning with the pillow which she slid under callums head. Ben nodded not realising his eyes were filled with unshed tears. "Oh honey!" She said "he is doing really well yeah, honestly tell me, how are you coping?" Ben shrugged.  
"Just don't know how to help him. He's hating this. The vomiting, the tiredness. He's fed up... I dont know how I can keep him positive. He is trying so hard to act like he's fine but every so often he just....breaks down!"  
Marie sighed sympathetically "it is hard to cope with. Cancer, chemo, probably one of the hardest things to deal with. Just try and encourage him to open up to you if possible. Keep stress levels down and keep smiling through it, it will be hard but staying positive makes a huge difference." She smiled at him. "Let him rest, if the chemo infusion finishes before he wakes up, we will let him sleep ok, and I'll see if we have any anti emetic tablets to help stop his nausea and vomiting or at the very least, reduce it some!" She winked at him, before heading out, pulling the curtains closed behind her  
He took hold of Callums hand on the blanket and held it tightly. Callum, his fiance, his gorgeous and brave man laying there looking exhausted and white as a sheet, and it was breaking Ben's heart. He wished he could do something to help, anything to help. He felt like he was slowly breaking under the stress, not that it was Callum's fault. It would never be Callums fault, not when he was being so brave and so strong. He sniffled lost in his thoughts as Marie came back through the curtains. "Here" she said passing him a mug. "Sweet coffee for the shock, you looked like you could do with a pick me up so I even let you have the decent coffee not that awful cafeteria stuff." She sat down next to him. "I've got the medication at the nurses station when you leave, should help some." She took a sip of her own brew. "You know Ben, you are pretty young."  
"Yeah 24"  
"24 and dealing with this...that's amazing. Most adults my age struggle to deal with it." She smiled at him.  
"Callum is a strong lad, from reading his medical file he did two tours of Iraq in the army and that takes guts. He will be ok...but you don't look like you are coping either. I know you are trying to be strong for him and that's awesome but you can talk to me if you ever need anything or just some advice!" She smiled at him warmly.  
"I was deaf for a bit, head injury after a boat crash and he was awesome about it, ya know dead supportive. More so than my own dad for most of it, the operation worked and I got my hearing back." He glanced at Callums sleeping face "I just want to be as good to him as he was to me, not let him down!"  
"Oh Ben, I didn't know that, I'm glad it all worked out in the end. You are doing great, you stay with him during chemo, you look out for him and he knows you are there for him. Sure you can't stop the seizures or make the chemotherapy any better or nicer to his body but you help him recover afterwards and that's what's important." She said as Ben sipped his coffee. "You are doing great Ben yeah!" She winked at him before looking over at Callum's sleeping form. "Poor lamb. Chemo really takes it out of you!" She gave a supportive smile to Ben. "You are both doing great, trust me!" She looked at her watch. "I'll be back soon yeah!" Ben nodded  
"Thanks Marie, for the coffee and the chat!" He replied gratefully "hey I'm here to make it easier for you, anyway I can honey!" And then she was gone. Ben was left alone with his thoughts for a while, sipping his coffee before Callum started to stir.  
"Hey darling" Ben said softly when Callums unfocused gaze settled on him.  
"I had a fit didn't I?" Callum whispered.  
Ben nodded sadly and Callum closed his eyes in frustration. "As if I couldn't feel bad enough right?" He gave a strained laugh. "For God's sake!"  
"Hey!" Ben said "its ok, we will get through this Cal."  
He decided to revisit his earlier conversation. "I agree with Jamaica baby. The beautiful beaches, its gorgeous over there!" He said hoping to cheer Callum up  
Callum smiled at that "yeah?" He asked  
Ben nodded. "Yeah! Definately, it's perfect." He answered softly, leaning in to kiss Callum. "Just like you baby!" 

\-------------- 

When Callum got back home, he sat at the kitchen table as Ben made him a cup of tea. "Its supposed to snow tomorrow" Ben said "Lexi will be so excited."  
"Yeah?" Callum grinned "what was it she wanted? A snow princess?"  
"Yep!" Ben grinned. "And I'm going to pelt Lola with so many snowballs she's gonna be cursing me!"  
Callum grinned "snow and hot chocolate day eh? That sounds really good, haven't built a snowman in years. We tried to make one out of sand in Ghaza one christmas, like how you make a sandcastle, but we didn't get very far, the sand kept drying out too quick! It was fun to try though"  
"What would that have been...a sandman?"  
"Yeah I guess so!" Callum smiled fondly at the memory.  
"Whats wrong?" He said noticing the sad look in Ben's eyes as he passed Callum his brew.  
Ben shook his head "I'm fine" he said with a forced smile. Callum grabbed his hand. "Ben. What's wrong?" He asked again. Ben sat down next to him. "I just remember what you said yesterday, about why you joined."  
"Dont, its fine Ben honestly. I had some good times out there, and I've got you now. I have a reason to want to live." He kissed Ben. "Dont be sad yeah! Want to go for a drink at the Vic?"  
"Babe, you had chemo and a seizure this morning. Are you sure you don't want to be resting?"  
"Nope" Callum kissed him again. "I want us to go for a drink! I've had a crap morning...come on babe, indulge me?" Callum did his puppy dog eyes and Ben sighed.  
"Fine, but when we get back, you are going straight to bed for a lie down" Ben compromised as he drank his coffee.  
"Honestly I'm feeling ok babe!" He said but backtracked at the look Ben gave him. "Okay, ill go for a lie down when we come back, I promise!" He gave in with a smile.  
\------------------  
"Hey Stuart!" Ben said as he stood at the bar  
"Hey Benny boy!" Stuart boomed  
"You ever gonna stop calling me that?" Ben grinned amused  
"Nah" Stuart shook his head laughing. "Want a pint?"  
"Yeah, Callums over there, why don't you join us?"  
"Yeah I'd love to, I'll get the drinks in and come over yeah?"  
Ben nodded and went back to his fiance.  
"Stuart is getting the drinks in!"  
"Oh I didn't see him over there!" Callum replied with a smile. "Big guy like that as well, maybe I need my eyes testing!"  
Ben chuckled. "Can't take you anywhere babe!"  
"Oh i know" Callum agreed grinning.  
After a moments silence Ben spoke up again. "I'm so proud of you Callum. Really I am." Callum smiled as Stuart came over.  
"Ey up lil Bro. How you doing?"  
"I'm alright at the minute yeah!" Callum replied with a smile as he picked up his pint. "You?"  
"Same old bro!" Stuart replied. "You had another hospital appointment this morning?"  
"Yeah last one of the week, thank god!" Callum replied  
"No more until next Monday now!"  
"Yeah? That's good bro!"   
"Ben said apparently its going to snow tomorrow!"  
"Yeah? I heard someone mention summat like that earlier actually!" Stuart nodded. "Bring on summer bro, I hate the cold weather!"  
\------------------ 

"Ah but Ben!" Callum whinged "I'm really not tired!"  
"You promised!" Ben shot back  
"Can I just cuddle up to you on the sofa!"  
"Fine!" Ben caved "come on then babe!"  
They cuddled up together on the sofa as Ben flicked through the channels. They settled on watching the Men In Black film. Ben stroking Callums head through the hoodie.  
"Ben?" Callum asked suddenly causing Ben to look at him  
"Hmmm?" Ben replied curiously  
"I love you!" Callum said simply, causing Ben to smile and Kiss callums hooded head.  
"I love you too gorgeous!"  
They continued watching the film before it was Ben who spoke up. "The anti sickness medications helping any Cal?"  
Callum nodded into his side "yeah, they seem to be. I feel ok, just a bit tired"  
"Its ok, babe. You can go to sleep if you want."  
"It feels like all I ever do is sleep!" Callum replied snuggling further into Bens chest, seeking comfort as Ben put his arm around his waist.  
"If you need to sleep then you need to sleep babe, I dont mind!" Ben replied. "You don't want to push yourself too much!"  
Callum intertwined his fingers with Ben's.  
"I could stay here next to you forever!" Callum breathed as Ben smiled at the amount of love Callum was showing him. "Me too darling! Me too!" Something caught his eye and he looked up out of the window. "Cal it's snowing!"  
"It is?" Callum excitedly untangled himself from Ben and Looked out of the window. "It is! Come on Ben!" He opened the back door and stepped out into the snow which was coming down in a heavy flurry. "I love the snow!" He said as he felt Ben next to him. He flung his head back feeling the icy snow flutter down and land on his face. He let out a laugh, smiling at Ben. "I'm being daft aren't I?" He grinned "you know what i dont care, I love the snow!" Ben chuckled, and as callum stood with his face upwards towards the sky his eyes closed. Ben took the opportunity to scrape some of the fallen snow off the windowledge and mould it into a tiny snowball, flinging it at Callum who looked at him with a big grin. "Oh really, you just wait until tomorrow's snowball fight mister!" Ben chuckled. "I'll dodge them every time babe, I'm a ninja me!" Callum smirked "we will have to wait and see!" He stuck his hand out catching the snow and Ben silently thanked anyone who was listening for the snow falling early. He hadn't seen Callum look so....free and happy since they received his diagnosis. He smiled, he couldn't wait until tomorrow!


	9. Chapter 9.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a bit more fluff

Ben woke up the next morning to Callum gently stroking his face.  
"Hey darling!" He mumbled as he slowly started to wake up. "Ben, there is so much snow! It's been snowing all night!" Callum whispered excitedly causing Ben to smile.   
"Really?" He asked softly "I can tell someone's excited!"  
Callum blushed slightly, and Ben snuggled up into him.  
"I love you Cal" he kissed him, "so much, I just don't want you over doing it today yeah!" He linked his fingers through Callums. "You are really pale!" He added looking worried.  
"I'm ok, just a bit tired, then again I'm always tired recently so I'm getting used to it!" He yawned. "Just like I'm getting used to the fact that I no longer have any hair to wash when I'm the shower!" He smiled at Ben. "Its wierd how everything's changed recently you know...instead of my worrying about normal stuff like work or whatever I'm now worrying about chemo and seizures!"   
Ben smiled sadly. "I know Cal, it feels crazy, I'd do anything I could to make this all go away, but I can't!"  
Callum kissed him fiercely "you're always here to help me through it Ben, all I need is you and I will be fine!" Ben smiled and was about to say something in return however he was cut off by his phone ringing.  
"Lola, what's up?" He answered it, stretching  
"What am I doing?" He grinned playfully at Callum "I'm in bed with Callum, why?" He listened to lola before smiling. "Eurgh, play nice Lo...what? Fine fine....yeah alright meet you in half hour ok!" He hung up, stretching as he sat up. "You hungry Cal or do you want to get breakfast at the Caff later?"   
"I'm not that hungry yet, food tastes awful at the minute anyway!" Callum shrugged as he pulled on a jumper and then a hoodie over the top. 

\-------------   
Ben was helping Lexi roll the bottom part for the snow princess while Callum and Lola sat on the park bench sipping coffees and watching Lexi order Ben around.  
"You doing ok?" Lola asked kindly   
"Yeah I'm pretty good!" Callum smiled at her. "You?"  
"Yeah, aside from waking up at daft o'clock clock because Lexi wanted to play in the snow."  
Callum reached down and grabbed a handful of snow, moulding it into a snowball, and with a cheeky grin at Lola, threw it at Ben's back.  
"You cheeky git!" Ben spun round and laughed at Callums innocent expression.  
"I know it was you Cal!" Ben shouted over grinning  
"Dont know what you are talking about!" Callum plastered on a confused smile.   
Ben turned back to help Lexi roll a smaller snowball for the head. Callum grinned adjusting his baseball cap under his hood, as Lola repeated Callums earlier actions and took aim. This time it hit Ben's shoulder and he spun round again.  
"Callum I swear to god!" He shouted in mock anger.  
"It wasn't me!" Callum shouted back. "I dont know nothing!" He said with his hands up in mock surrender Lola sniggered beside him at the look on Ben's face.   
Eventually the snowman woman...thing was finished.   
"Needs a hat!" Ben said as he walked over and sat on the bench with them as they'd decided to just do an ordinary snowman as their attempts to make it look like a princess had been pretty disturbing at a glance.   
"Here" Callum lowered his hood and took off his baseball cap, passing it Ben as he pulled his hood back up.   
"You sure?" Ben asked as he took it  
"Yeah it's fine!" Callum smiled "still got my hoodie! I'll probably grab the cap back off it before we leave anyway!"  
Ben passed it to Lexi who ran off and placed it on top of the snowmans head with a giggle.  
\-------‐----------- 

Back at the house Callum and Ben were warming their hands up on mugs of hot cocoa and marshmallows. "I really enjoyed it this morning!" Callum smiled at Ben who was curled up against him, stroking his boyfriends hair. "Me too!" Ben replied stroking Callums arm as they watched come dine with me on telly.   
"Got any ideas for what you want to do today?" He asked Callum softly. "I'm knackered after that snowball fight babe!" He replied "just chilling here with you sounds great to me though! If that's OK with you?"  
Ben pulled him in for a kiss. "Sounds great to me too darlin" he said before sipping his hot chocolate.   
"Babe" Callum said hesitantly "can I...can I ask you a question?"   
"Of course you can darling, you can ask me anything!" Ben replied in a gentle voice  
"Are you...well...I just feel bad being tired all the time... and I don't want you to feel like...I dunno fed up or like-"  
"Let me stop you there babe, no, ok, no I don't mind you being tired babe. I knew it would be like this when I heard the diagnosis okay! I want to help you in anyway I can, I want to be by your side because I don't want you to feel alone for even a second. I'm by your side for the good, the bad and the ugly Callum, every step of the way. So do not feel guilty for being ill Callum, it's fine ok?" He sat up and pulled his boyfriend into his chest, holding him close. "I love you Callum, more than I ever thought it was possible to love someone and we will get through this together!"  
Callum sniffled into his chest. "I love you too Ben, so much. I just needed to make sure we were OK!"  
"We will always be ok baby!" Ben whispered as he held Callim against him. "You can tell me anything babe, is there anything else on your mind that's worrying you?"  
Callum nodded after a moments thought. "I'm just worried incase I have a seizure in front of Lexi. She'll find it scary and I don't want to put her through that!" He rubbed his eyes.  
Ben sighed. The thought had crossed his mind during their snowball fight with Lola and Lexi. He hated his boyfriend feeling so insecure about the seizures and so worried about having another one.   
"We will cross that bridge if we come to it Cal ok darlin, don't worry. I'm not going to be angry at you if it ever does happen either ok. I can tell you feel guilty about all of this, and you need to stop darlin. I'm proud of you, how strong you are being through this. I don't want you to feel like a burden, Because you really aren't ok. I'm enjoying spending all of this time with you, having you mainly to myself." He kissed Callums head as Callum curled up into him needing all of the love and comfort that Ben could offer.  
\------‐---------  
"Teas ready Cal!" Ben said bringing the plates through to the living room table.  
"Oh cheers babe!" Callum said as he unfurled off the sofa to sit at the table.   
"Its just lasagne babe, nowt special." Ben said as he sat down opposite Callum passing him the cutlery   
"Its great babe, thank you!" He said taking a bite.   
Ben smiled at him.  
"You need to keep your strength up" he said simply.  
"Not having you nearly passing out on me again!" Ben teased lightly, causing Callum to blush slightly. "Sorry for that!"  
"Hey, stop apologising, it's okay!" Ben shook his head. "I just worry about you!" He smiled.   
Callum shook his head with a smile. "No chemo until next Monday again. Its such a good feeling."   
"Yeah? You feeling okay?"  
"Yeah, I'm pretty good today actually. Feeling alright!"  
"Glad to hear it!"   
They lapsed into a comfortable silence, eating their dinner.  
"Oh yeah I meant to tell you I got you a massive tub of that cookie dough ice cream in the freezer for you."   
"Yes! Thank you!" Callum said smiling. "I love that ice cream"  
Ben grinned "I know. Even though it's like -2 degrees outside. Dunno if there is anything decent on telly to watch." He said as he cleared the plates. "Try Netflix if not" he said as Callum sat on the sofa with the TV remote and started flicking through.  
\-------------  
Ben was curled up against Callum who was eating his ice cream. "You need anything Cal?" He asked  
"No I'm good!" Callum replied. "Do you want some ice cream?"  
Ben shook his head with a laugh "no thanks babe, I dont have as much of a sweet tooth as you do!"  
Callum chuckled against him before eating yet another spoonful of ice cream. "Its helping my sore throat!" He informed Ben.   
Ben wrapped his arm around Callums waist.  
"You warm enough?" Ben asked softly  
"I'm fine, honest Ben." Callum replied kissing Ben's head   
"I'm just a bit tired, and I can't remember what's coming back on telly after the adverts."  
Ben chuckled. "Forgetful eh? Nah its x files they are starting to show the episodes on telly now. How did you forget that?"  
"No idea" callum muttered. "My brains a bit fuzzy!"  
"Fuzzy as in tired or fuzzy as in seizure babe?" Ben asked sitting up to get a better look at Callums face.   
"I dunno...just fuzzy!" Callum shook his head "ill be fine babe, I'm kinda just getting used to feeling like this now!"  
"I wish you didn't have to!" Ben replied sadly  
"Its just life innit" Callum shrugged. "Just got to keep going!"  
"Hopefully we will find out how many more cycles you need soon, add a few months recovery time and then we can think about getting married!" Ben kissed Callum's hand.   
Callum smiled. "I can't wait!" He whispered to Ben.   
"I'm so glad I've got you!"  
"Me too babe!" Ben whispered back as they turned their attention back to the X files.  
\-------------------  
The sun filtered through the crack in the bedroom curtains the next morning causing Ben to stir, he quickly roused himself when he heard retching sounds from the bathroom and looked across to an empty bed. He padded across the the bathroom and pushed the door open, he found Callum heaving into the bowl of the toilet. He slipped into the bathroom and began rubbing circles on Callums back.   
When Callum slumped back against the wall breathless and shaking in a cold sweat. His eyes drifting closed in exhaustion. Ben ran a flannel under the hot tap and gently wiped his face down with it, before he stroked Callums causing his eyes to flutter open momentarily. "lets get you back to bed baby, yeah? You look like you need to sleep, I'll get you some water from the kitchen ok!" He helped Callum heave himself up of the floor and guided him into the bedroom and onto the bed before darting downstairs for a glass of water and taking it back for Callum.  
Callun smiled at him weakly from where he was curled up on the bed looking tired and pale as he sat up to drink some of the water.  
"You look like you need a nice long sleep now Callum!" Ben stroked his cheek gently as Callum put the now empty glass down on the bedside table and nodded lying down on his back. Ben curled up under the covers next to him, arms around his waist as he snuggled in laying his head on Callums chest hearing his heart beating against his chest, and slowly they both fell into a deep sleep.  
It was Ben who woke first, disorientated he glanced at the clock noting it was 1 in the afternoon, he looked at Callums sleeping face, peaceful and relaxed and he sighed peacefully as he snuggled back into his boyfriends side, his eyes drifting closed. He figured if anyone deserved a duvet day, it was Callum.  
When Callum next awoke, he ran his fingers through Ben's hair and held him close. He felt so tired and achey, he didn't know what time it was but judging by the amount of sunlight seeping in through the curtains, he would guess it was probably about lunch time. He couldn't remember the last time he had slept for so long and he certainly couldn't understand why he was still so tired. He let his eyes drift shut, holding Ben against him protectively as he let sleep claim him once more.

Sorry its not a very long chapter, just a bit of a filler and I couldn't think how to end the chapter


	10. Chapter 9 - I will! For you!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys have a lazy day, and open up to each other

When Ben and Callum next woke up it was 4 o'clock in the afternoon. Callum drifted awake to Ben stroking his hip. "Hey sleepyhead!" Ben murmered in greeting upon noticing Callum gazing at him through sleepy half lidded eyes.   
"Hey, what time is it babe?" Callum muttered   
"Its just gone 4" Ben said softly, giving him a soft kiss as he cupped his cheek. "We've slept pretty much all day"  
"I feel so much better for it! Best I have felt in a long time! I didn't get much sleep last night!" Callum admitted  
"No?" Ben asked "how come darlin'?"  
"Everytime I felt like I was about to fall asleep I felt nauseous, so it kept me up!"  
"You should have woken me up babe, I would have tried to help you!" Ben said sadly  
"I'm sorry Ben, you looked so peaceful sleeping, I couldn't bring myself to wake you." Callum replied softly. "Eurgh is there any point of getting out of our pyjamas to go downstairs. I can't be bothered getting dressed." He said as he pulled himself slowly out of bed."nah, just stay as you are." He said as Callum threw his dressing gown towards him. Then Callum with a sigh sat down on the bed wringing his own dressing gown in his hands as he pulled the hood of it over his head. "I also need to tell you something" he admitted as Ben sat down next to him and took hold of one of his hands. "What is it Cal?" Ben's eyes searching Callums face for an answer.  
"When I couldn't sleep, I went downstairs and grabbed a brew and i was watching the crappy night time channels and then i woke up on the floor really achey so I think i-"  
"Had a seizure?" Ben finished his sentence for him. Callum nodded, his eyes downcast looking guilty.  
"Cal, are you injured anywhere?" Ben asked softly. Callum shook his head slowly and Ben sighed. "Darling you don't have to be ashamed of having them, I'm never going to be annoyed or mad at you for having one. Its nothing to feel guilty about... the doctor said that the chemo may initially aggravate the seizures. I know its not your fault, it's never your fault. I'm not gonna judge you, I just want to help. I really hate the thought of you going through one alone." He kissed Callum passionately and pulled him back down on the bed. "I'm so proud of you for how strong you are being through this. Let me show you how much I love you babe, I know you are still tired, so I'll top okay?"   
Callum nodded and resumed kissing Ben fiercely as he slid the dressing gown off Ben's shoulders, and Ben rubbed his hands up Callums chest, pressing himself against him, and grinding their hips together.  
\-----------------------  
When they eventually made it downstairs in their pyjamas and dressing gowns it was 6 o clock, and the house was empty. Ben grabbed 2 beers out of the fridge, and popped the tops off, taking them through into the living room. "Hmmm today has been such a lovely lazy day" Ben said as he slid in so Callum could lean against him on the sofa.   
"Hmmm, it's been great hasn't it?" Callum agreed as he stroked Ben's arm  
"You sure you still find me attractive with no hair?" He added anxiously biting his lip  
"Of course I do baby!" Ben pulled down his hood and kissed his head. "You are sexy as hell with or without hair babe. You suit it either way"  
"Thanks babe , you know I still can't believe I slept for so long." Callum admitted as he kissed him before taking a swig of beer.   
"Oh god I know" Ben agreed as he flicked through the channels. "But if anyone deserves a duvet day, it's definitely got to be you Cal!"  
"Anything good on?"   
"Nah not really" Ben replied. "The Avengers film is coming on soon though!"   
Ben sipped his drink as Callum nuzzled into his chest.   
"Are you still self conscious about your hair then?" Ben asked him softly. "Because its fine, you look great either way babe, honestly!" Callum smiled at him "Really?" He whispered anxiously.   
"Mhmmm, and I love you because you are the kindest sweetest person I know, and having hair won't change that. I love you Callum, and I always will!"   
"I love you too!" He said to Ben "you always know how to make me feel better!"  
"Well I do try!" Ben grinned stroking the back of Callums hand.  
The back door opened and Phil came bustling in.  
"Evening, you slept in late. I popped in a couple of hours ago and you were both fast asleep when I checked on yous...You only just got up?" He said as he came into the living room and sat at the dining room table powering his laptop up.  
"Yeah, Callum needed to sleep, he was knackered!" Ben replied "Busy day at the arches then Dad?"  
"Yeah, stripping down and repairing a head gasket mainly!" Phil sighed. "Im starvin' You eaten yet?"   
"Nope, not had anything today actually" Ben yawned "ill order something on Just Eat." He shifted slightly "Cal, lift up my phones in my pocket!"   
"Just use mine!" Callum slid his phone out of his dressing gown pocket and passed it him.  
"What we wanting guys burger, kebabs, pizza, Chinese, curry? Thai?"   
"Er get us a donner kebab and chips" Phil said  
"I'll have a cheese burger!" Callum added after a moments deliberation as Ben started tapping his phone, placing the order.   
"Ooh the Avengers film has started!" Callum alerted Ben who chuckled "yes alright Tiger, I do have eyes!" He teased finalising the food order and passing Callum his phone back. "Food will be here in an hour!" He kissed Callums head. "And I even got you a tub of ice cream with yours darling"   
"Thank you babe!" Callum kissed him softly. "Means a lot!"  
Ben stroked Callums head, as they watched the movie, and waited for the food to arrive.  
\--------------------------------- 

"Oh that burger was well nice" Callum said as he stretched against Ben.  
"Mmm glad you enjoyed it!" Ben's arm draped around Callums waist as the film credits rolled. "Your ice cream is in the freezer as well!"  
"Thanks babe, I'll have it later...Want to go for a walk?" Callum asked him suddenly  
"A walk...yeah sure if you want? Where to?"  
"I dunno where, just somewhere!" Callum replied as he pushed himself to a sitting position. "I've been asleep most of the day, just want some fresh air! We will have to get dressed though!"  
He walked upstairs to get dressed as Ben followed suit.   
Eventually they were holding hands as they walked along the streets of Walford, the stars twinkling above them. "You doing ok?" Ben asked him   
Callum smiled at him "yeah, today's been just what I needed!" He squoze Ben's hand gratefully.  
"Yeah, I think the long sleep did you good!" Ben agreed.   
"Hmmm yeah it was great!" Callum said smiling.   
"So last night," Ben steered him over to a bench "when you were downstairs, what happened?"  
Callum shrugged "I dont know, I remember feeling really sick so I came down for a brew and I stuck the telly on and then I was on the floor, I just woke up there, and my body just hurt." Ben pulled him close as Callum whispered. "I couldn't move my legs when I woke up, had to use the sofa to drag myself up, and then when my legs finally worked I rushed upstairs to be sick! Then you came in and helped me get back to bed"  
"Oh Cal" Ben sighed holding him close. "I hate that you're going through this!"  
"Its okay Ben, I've just got to get through it. And I will! For you!"   
Ben remained silent overcome with emotion and he pulled Callum even closer against him before he eventually spoke. "And I will do whatever I have to to help you along the way!" He whispered burying his head in Callums shoulder.  
\------------------------------

Sorry its short. Didn't know where to go from here.  
Next chapter up soon hopefully.


	11. 11. I'll never leave you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callums feeling rough to say the least and we delve into his troubled childhood

Callum had just come back from yet another round of chemo and he was feeling absolutely awful, he practically threw himself on the sofa, groaning as he was assaulted by waves of nausea. "I'm gonna be sick babe!" He groaned as he started retching. "Here" Ben appeared next to him thrusting a washing up bowl in front of him. Callum groaned gripping his head in pain before he retched violently into the bowl bringing up a mixture of bile and the half bottle of water he had drank during chemo that morning. "My head is gonna explode" he whimpered.  
"I'll get you some painkillers, hold the bowl babe I will be right back!" He pushed the bowl into Callums as he hurried to find the painkillers in the kitchen cabinet, hearing Callum retching violently in the background. It was with lightly shaking hands that he popped two pills out into the palm of his hand, and grabbed a glass of water before taking them back through to Callum.  
"You can't take them until you stop being sick darlin" he whispered as he placed them down carefully on the coffee table.  
"Shit Cal, your nose has started bleeding!" Ben muttered as Callum instinctively brought his hand up to his nose, seeing crimson red staining his fingertips when he pulled them away from his face, before he threw up more bile as Ben came back in with some kitchen roll, which he placed against Callums nose. "Babe, tell me how you are feeling...please?" it came out as a desperate plea, Ben was scared, that much was obvious to Callum. "My heads throbbing and the spikes of pain are making me be sick" he rasped out as Ben helped him have some water, as his hands were trembling. Ben pulled the kitchen roll away swearing.  
Callum noticed it was a saturated deep red colour. Ben pulled off a fresh piece, and again placed it against Callums nose, cupping his face with his other hand and stroking Callums cheek.  
"We will get through this Cal, ok. I'm here yeah darling and I aint going anywhere." Callum gazed at him with tired eyes, nodding weakly  
"Stay awake for me babe, I know you are knackered, but just stay awake for me until your nose stops bleeding"   
Callum forced his eyes open, gazing at Ben, who smiled encouragingly at him. "Thats is Cal, stay with me yeah!" Callum nodded again leaning his head into Ben's hand, exhausted. "I think your nose bleed is slowing" Ben put another clean piece of kitchen roll under his nose "it should stop soon!" He reassured Callum, "do you feel sick still?" Callum shook his head. "No, not nearly as bad, just my headache" he replied softly. After a couple of minutes the bleeding had stopped and Ben helped Callum to take his painkillers, before wiping the blood off his face and clearing the room of the sick bowl and bloodied tissues "Do you want to stay here or go up to bed for a sleep?"   
"Here, don't want to move. 'M tired" Callum lay back down as Ben slid in under his head pulling the blanket over them, Callums head in Ben's lap as he slowly drifted into sleep. Ben's voice in the background, telling him he was ok, he was safe he was loved. 

Ben stayed there watching the most boring program he'd ever seen before, not through choice, he couldn't turn over as the remote was in the other corner of the living room, and getting up to retrieve it would almost certainly wake Callum up, and right now he knew that Callum needed to sleep, he glanced down as his boyfriend, his skin was pale, and he looked exhausted even in sleep. He stroked Callums scalp gently, the repetitive movement helping to calm him.  
\----------------------  
Ben didn't realise he had fallen asleep, until his dad walking in through the back door made him jump awake. He glanced around to get his bearings before his eyes rested on Callums sleeping figure curled up in his lap. He sighed, rubbing his eyes as his dad walked in.   
"Another bad day?" Phil asked Ben quietly as he walked in "yeah, he's not doing too well today, he is really rough!" Ben said softly, his fingers still stroking Callums head. "Been vomiting, headaches and nosebleeds for Callum today...err dad what time is it?" He added   
"Er" Phil looked at his watch. "Quarter past two!"   
"Right...ill be five minutes just need a shower" Ben said as he slid out from under Callum, placing his head on a cushion as Callum remained asleep and nipping upstairs to the bathroom. After he had a quick shower and used the loo, he came down to see Callum still asleep on the sofa.  
Phil was in the kitchen, he passed Ben a sandwich "you don't look too good either Ben, get that down ya!"   
Ben took the sandwich gratefully. "Cheers dad" he took a bite.   
"I'm going shopping later do you need owt?" Phil asked.   
"Yeah, orange juice and Ice cream for Cal, and I think Lexi is coming over in a couple of days aswell." Phil nodded as he stuck the kettle on.   
"You just leaving him to rest then?"   
"Yeah, it's all I can do. He had some painkillers about an hour ago so hopefully when he next wakes they will have kicked in. He's on stronger ones now...tramadol or something."   
Phil nodded "you holding up ok?" He asked Ben who nodded finishing his sandwich. "Yeah ill be ok. That shower did me good!" He chuckled. "Nah ill be okay, it's Callum who's really suffering through all this, and if he can get through it, then I sure as hell can!"   
"Thats the spirit to have son!" Phil clapped him on the shoulder as he handed him a brew.   
\--------------------------  
Ben was sat at the table on his laptop, trying to find a nice top of the range hotel in Jamaica for their honeymoon, when he noticed Callum start to stir. He closed his laptop quietly and padded over to Callum, kneeling down in front of him. "Ben?" Callum asked groggily as his eyes flickered open.  
"Yeah it's me...You feeling better now?"  
Callum sat up slowly, still curled up in his comfy blanket "yeah, just still a bit tired, and my headaches a bit better now!"  
"You can have some more painkillers in about half an hour!" Ben informed him softly, gazing at Callum who nodded, plastering on a smile.  
"I'll be ok Ben, don't worry!" Callum took hold of Ben's hand. "I'm feeling much better now!" Ben held him im a hug. "Glad to hear it babe, do you want anything?"  
"A brew would be amazing right now hun" Callum replied  
Ben nodded giving him a soft kiss. "I'll make you one then!" He stood and walked into the kitchen flicking the kettle on, and grabbing Callums favourite mug off the drainer. He was just grabbing a teaspoon out of the drawer when he felt Callum move to stand abehind him, sliding his arms around his waist and holding him close. "Love you" Callum whispered into his ear. Ben gently turned round and kissed him. "I love you too, come on...get back on the sofa, you need to rest Cal, you look knackered!"  
Callum looked at him, "but" he trailed off  
"No buts, darling.... on the sofa!" Ben said firmly, turning Callum round so hewas facing the living room door. "Go on, i will bring these brews through in a minute!"   
Callum curled up in the corner of the sofa, flicking through the channels, he eventually settled on watching come dine with me as Ben brought the brews in.  
"Eurgh what's he making?" Ben asked looking horrified. "Some wierd spiced mackerel dish. Looks rank!" Callum responded as he gratefully took the brew Ben was holding out for him.   
"You want something to eat babe?" Ben asked him and Callum shook his head. "Zero appetite right now!"   
He pulled Ben into close to his side. "I just want to be close to you right now!" He said softly.  
Ben snuggled up into his side. "You do seem a lot better than this morning!" He stroked Callum's arm soothingly.  
"I feel it!" Callum murmered back. "That headache was horrific!"  
"It did look pretty bad babe!" Ben agreed "I'm just glad you are feeling better. You sure you don't want to go back to sleep?"  
"Nah I'm alright watching mackerel man here" Callum joked, causing Ben to chuckle. "It does look gross!" He agreed.  
They sipped their brews and held each other close,   
\------‐---------   
They lay together later in bed, facing each other their hands entwined under the duvet.   
"Lexi wants a huge bridesmaids dress" Ben chuckled. "Lola text me earlier...like think gypsy wedding style"  
Callum laughed. "Would you expect anything less of your Lexi though?" He asked Ben causing him to shake his head. "Nope" he smirked, he stroked Callums nose.   
"I was thinking of us getting married in a castle!" He whispered to Callum who smiled. "A castle?"   
"Mhmm..." Ben murmered. "It would be perfect!"   
Callum yawned as he nodded "it does sound perfect!" He agreed.   
"You tired?" Ben asked but Callum shook his head. "No, not really. My bodies tired but my brain isn't if that makes sense?"  
Ben nodded in understanding. "I know that feeling" he murmered cupping the back of Callum's head. "I'm a good listener you know!' Ben kissed Callum. "I'll never judge you!"  
Callum remained silent for a moment, biting his lip with nerves before he spoke out in hushed tones. "It's just hard Ben, this is awful. I...I can't....I just..." a tear slid down his face. "I'm just getting so tired Ben, and tired of feeling like this."  
"I know darling, I know and I can't imagine what you must be going through, I find it hard just watching you when you are being sick, let alone the one being sick. You have absolutely no idea how proud I am of you Callum. You have been so strong!" Callum sniffled "huh, you say that while I'm crying all over you!" He gave a weak chuckle which Ben reciprocated. "Hey you are totally entitled to a little or a big cry every now and then, with what you're going through, hell you know I'm guilty of it. Doesn't stop me thinking you are strong or brave okay?" He hooked Callums chin and gazed into his eyes. "You are brave and you are strong ok Cal, you are doing amazing. I am so so proud of you, and I can't even put into words how much I love you Callum." Ben also started crying. "I'd do anything I could to make this go away for you baby, but I can't do anything, and that makes me really upset. Because I don't want to think about losing you. And I hate the thought that I can't do much to help you." He sobbed into Callums shoulder.  
"Ben, all I need is you, and I will do whatever it takes to beat this." Callum whispered into Ben's hair. "I never had anyone to lean on as a kid not even my dad. But I can lean on you and know you're going to be there for me, that's all I need to know that I'm not going to wake up one day and be all alone."   
Ben kissed his collarbone before freezing momentarily "Did your dad used to leave you on your own when you were a child?" He asked horrified as realisation of Callums words struck home, when he saw the haunted look in Callums eyes.  
"Sometimes when I was younger...like maybe six or seven, sometimes I'd wake up and my dad just wasn't there, I waited for him to come back the first time and when he did three days later he was in a really bad mood and when I asked him where he had been I didn't stay conscious for long enough to find out an answer." Ben closed his eyes to stem the tears falling. "It turns out he was either on a booze or drug binge. He left me for a week when I was about 8. I remember the electric meter running out and I was in the dark, I was terrified. I didn't know why we had no gas and electric, all I knew is that I was scared, and cold and hungry. Dad came back and he was livid that I'd let the electric go off because the freezer had defrosted and the food was ruined, I just remember laying in bed that night wondering why I could never do anything right! If I got things right he wouldn't hurt me as much" he broke off in tears.  
"Cal...oh Callum" Ben's voice broke as Callum sobbed against him.   
"You were just a kid baby, just a kid...he wasn't a dad Callum, a dad don't do that to their kid. You could have died Callum, been electrocuted, burnt alive, drank bleach or even been abducted...he didn't care about that, and that's not because you've done anything wrong Cal, but because he's selfish. He should be proud to be your dad, and instead he's a waste of space. You coping alone and scared at home in the dark at night, while he's off getting drunk or high instead breaks my heart Callum. You should never have had to do that, a six year old should not have to fend for themselves. You were practically still a baby Callum, he should never have left you. But you are right, I'm never leaving your side. Especially not now I know that, I'm going to be there for you until my last breath Callum. I aint ever going anywhere ok! I'm here!" He sniffled.   
Callum gazed at him "promise?" He whispered. "I promise!" Ben confirmed before kissing him slowly.  
"I can't get my head around what you have just told me, its child abuse Callum, that's what it is. And you should never have had to go through it." He held Callum against him, as Callums sobs slowly lessened. "Thank you!" Callum whispered against him as they lay in the dark.   
"What for?" Ben whispered back  
"For listening!" Callum replied as he started to fall asleep. 

AN --- So yeah thought I would delve a little bit into Callums past. Let me know if you want me to delve some more!!   
Thank you!!


	12. 12. A day out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys have a lovely day out and Ben opens up to Phil about Callums childhood

Ben lay in bed following the revelation of Callums horrific childhood, stroking Callums face as he slept peacefully beside him. He was livid at Jonno. How dare he treat Callum, his own son like that. As though Callum didn't have enough going on right now, to now have to start to deal with the fact that he was abused as a child.  
Callums words echoing in his head. "I just remember laying in bed that night wondering why I could never do anything right! If I got things right he couldn't hurt me as much"  
He kissed Callums forehead and tried to quash his anger, knowing that Callum needed to rest and that it would probably end up being a long day tomorrow for them both, and he slowly drifted off to sleep, knowing that he would have to deal with Callums past at one point. Callum bottling it all away was not a good way of dealing with it.

When he next awoke Callum was fast asleep next to him, curled up against him. He gently ran his fingers up and down Callums arm, and Callums eyes slowly began to flutter open. "Morning Gorgeous!" Ben whispered to him as he gazed at him. Callum smiled softly and snuggled further into Ben's chest. "How are you feeling this morning?"  
Callum shrugged. "A bit better today, not in as much pain as yesterday, but still tired I guess!"  
"Do you want to stay in bed?" Ben responded gently  
"Not really, I want to do something today or go somewhere. Do something different!"  
"Yeah?" Ben said "like what?"  
"Dunno..." Callum trailed off suddenly unsure.  
"Well we will figure it out, let's get some breakfast first yeah?" Ben suggested softly, tracing Callums cheekbone with his finger, before kissing him softly  
"I just want something to take my mind off everything!" Callum admitted as he stood up and slipped on his clothes.  
Ben stretched, pulling on a pair of jeans and tshirt "we will think of something Cal!" He reassured his boyfriend  
They padded their way down to the kitchen, Ben yawning loudly as he flipped the kettle on and Callum passing him the mugs off the drainer.  
"Tea or coffee?" Ben asked him  
"Coffee!" Callum replied without a moments hesitation  
"I definately need to stay topped up with caffeine today!"  
Ben chuckled and set the cups up as Callum went in the fridge and passed him the milk. "Right, power my laptop up babe, and I'm gonna find somewhere amazing for us to go today, shame Lexi is in school!"  
"Will do!'' Callum said as he went into the living room  
\----------------- 

"You want to go shopping?" Ben asked Callum "most places for a day out are all back in lockdown!"  
"I dont really need anything!" Callum replied "could go window shopping though!"  
"You might not need something, but you might see something you want when we are there!" Ben rebuked softly.  
"Yeah thats true!" Callum smiled at him taking a sip of his coffee.  
"How about we get the tube into Central London, from there we could go Camden in the afternoon?"  
Callum nodded with a smile as Ben kissed him softly.  
"Thank you!" Callum said sincerely  
"You don't have to thank me babe!" Ben replied as he closed his laptop. "Spending a day out shopping with you seems perfect right now. You ain't been well Cal, you still ain't well, so if you say you want to go out for the day, I'll make it happen alright?"  
There was a knock on the back door "ey up, only me!" Jay let himself in.  
"Alright bro!" Ben said  
"So, I've sold two cars this morning. Having a break, thought I'd see how you guys are!"  
"Nice one Jay, yeah Callum wants to go out so we are going for a trip up London, go shopping!"  
"Ah that sounds alright!" Jay said "poor little me stuck at the car lot eh?" He teased Ben "working all these long days!" Ben grinned "shut it you!" He launched a cushion at him "you get all the profits from these cars while I'm off, its not like you are on minimum wage at a call centre bro."  
"Yeah I guess that's true!" Jay grinned back "anyway" he sombred up "nah i don't mind at all, I understand why you're off bro and anyway it keeps me out of Billy's way!"  
"Yeah Lola said it was a slanging match, bro if you are happy with Honey then I wish you the very best of luck, why don't you see if she's working, close the car lot for the day and take her for a meal or sommat."  
"Yeah? You'd be cool with that?" Jay asked surprised.  
"Yeah, I would double date with yous but Callum mainly just eats Ice cream now!" He laughed as Callum shook his head in amusement at the banter "yeah that's true actually, Ice cream or orange juice are the only things that I've found that don't taste metallic now!" Callum explained at Jay's confused face.   
"Yeah? That a side effect of the chemo or sommat?" Jay asked and Callum nodded.  
"Thats awful bruv" Jay replied  
"It would be a lot worse if we hadn't found chocolate brownie ice cream, and occasionally pasta!" Ben added  
"My god, I dont know what I'd do without a bacon butty every morning!" Jay admitted shaking his head. "Bloody Hell Callum, I just got to say mate I think you are amazing for coping so well with this both of ya! Honestly I am mate. I know it ain't been easy in the slightest for ya, so I'm well proud of the both of ya."  
He cleared his throat slightly embarrassed  
"Anyway" he continued with a grin "I'm gonna go see what Honeys up to! See you later yeah!" And then he was gone.  
"You sure you are up for today babe?" Ben asked softly as he stood facing Callum holding his hands. Callum smiled and nodded. "Yeah, I'm feeling alright today!" He replied "I didn't think I would, but I do, which is why I'm so determined to go out and do something." He said grinning.  
"Come on then darlin" Ben said sweetly as he pressed a soft kiss to Callums lips. "Lets go catch the tube!"  
\-------‐---------  
They had been window shopping all morning, Callum had bought some new baseball caps and he'd even forced Ben to wear one that he had picked out for him. They looked out over the river Thames as they sipped their coffees. Ben taking a selfie of them both smiling, wearing their baseball caps  
"This is great!" Callum said "I'm having a really awesome day so far!"  
"Glad to hear it tiger. I know it ain't easy what your going through. So I'm glad you're enjoying it!" Ben paused slightly "I just can't get over what you said last night Callum, I'm not gonna make you talk about it if you don't want to but thank you so much for opening up to me about that. I know it wasn't easy for you." He held Callums face as he leaned up to kiss him. "I'm not going to lie, I'm upset and angry at what your dad put you through Callum, I hate the thought of you going through that alone."  
"I know, but it's in the past Ben, It can't be changed, it's done. Honestly don't be angry, don't be upset. Look let's just enjoy our day yeah? And tonight I'll talk it through with you yeah?"  
"Yeah, yeah OK, anything for you baby." Ben gave in kissing him again. "Camden?"  
"Lets go!" Callum said grinning at Ben, and pulling his baseball cap down over his eyes. "Oi, cheeky git" Ben laughed as he readjusting his cap.  
They made their way slowly through Camden. Callum buying Lexi a bright pink dream catcher for her bedroom which Ben knew she was going to love, and Ben bought them both milkshakes which Calllum thought tasted amazing.  
"Yeah? We've got a blender we barely use somewhere at home, I'll have to start making milkshakes and smoothies now I know they taste alright!" Ben put his arm around Callums waist, noticing how much weight Callum had lost. They slowly meandered around Camden before Callum admitted to Ben he was getting tired.  
"Thats ok baby, we can go back home for a rest on the sofa yeah?" Ben squoze Callums hand comfortingly as Callum smiled down at him. Ben whipped out his phone, texting his dad to dig out the blender and get some smoothie making supplies for him before heading back to the tube station.  
\-----------  
A few hours later and the pair were curled up together on the sofa. "You feeling better now you have had a rest darling?" Ben asked Callum  
"Yeah, today has been just what I needed" Callum snuggled further into Ben's side. "I feel okay, just tired!"  
"Dads dug the blender out, he's going to get some stuff in so I can make you milkshakes and smoothies in it. It ain't exactly food, but it's calories ain't it?"  
"Yeah I guess so..." Callum trailed off uncertaintly.  
"I'm not having a go Cal, I'm not. It's just you are losing weight, it's worrying me, that's all!" Ben tried to reassure him.  
"I'm sorry Ben, nothing tastes right, and it makes my nausea even worse." Callum replied apologetically  
"I know tiger, I know. You don't need to apologise. We will have to work on your diet soon though, if it doesn't improve!" Ben said sadly. "You're almost skin and bones babe."  
Callum looked embarrassed and Ben guided his face towards him for a kiss. "Dont be embarrassed babe, I'm not having a go yeah, this is me showing you I care. I will always care about you Cal, yeah. I'll never intentionally hurt you or upset you. Thats not what I'm trying to do here darlin ok"  
"I know" Callum said with a watery smile. "Thank you babe!"  
"You don't have to thank me, I love you Callum Highway soon to be Mitchell!" Ben replied softly. "You need anything?" He added with a concerned expression.  
"No, I'm ok...I might go up to bed for a sleep though. I'm suddenly feeling exhausted." Callum said yawning.  
"Yeah? Let me know if you need anything yeah? I'm gonna get some tidying done for my dad before he gets in from work in that case!" Ben said as Callum sat up before they shared a quick kiss and Callum made his way slowly upstairs for a much needed nap.  
Ben tidied all the pots away and was just wiping the kitchen down when Phil walked in.  
"Alright son, Jay said you've been shopping?" He greeted Ben who was a million miles away. "Hello, earth to Ben!" He snapped his fingers bringing Ben crashing back to reality. "Sorry what, oh hello dad!"  
"Whats up?" Phil asked leaning against the kitchen counter.  
"Its nothing, just something I found out about Callum that I can't forget about!"  
"Well, what is it? How can I help?" Phil asked.  
"I'm not sure Callum would want me telling you!" Ben admitted sadly.  
Phil levelled his gaze. "I won't tell anyone anything, not even Callum. I just want to help Ben, what yous are going through, it's hard, I just want to help!"  
Ben sighed rubbing his face.  
"Last night Callum was telling me how he didn't like being alone and long story short I got him to admit that from the age of 6, his dad used to leave him alone in their flat for a couple of days to a week, sometimes the electric would go off aswell and that he would be scared and alone when the night drew in because it was so dark."  
"Oh my god. That Jonno is a right nasty piece of work!" Phil replied in anger. "What he just left him alone in the flat a six year old child? He could have died, been electrocuted, where was he?"  
"Either getting drunk or high, Callum told me once when the electric went off he battered him black and blue for not getting it fixed because the food had spoiled in the fridge freezer and he blamed it all on Callum. That it pretty much was the same his entire childhood!" Ben felt a tear sliding down his cheek.  
"Callum wouldn't hurt a fly dad, why would his own dad abuse him so badly?" He cried  
"Because he's a bully. Oh my god...I'm sorry 6 years old. Barely out of nappies, how's he supposed to cook, reach the sink for a drink, get himself to school?"  
"Oh I don't know dad, he won't fully talk about it. I mean he doesn't see it as abuse, more of he deserved it, and he really didn't dad." Ben replied  
"Just wait for him to come to you ok? But yes it's child abuse leaving a kid younger than lexi too look after themselves. Leaving a young child who depends on you for days on end is horrific." Phil agreed, as he emptied the shopping bags full of fruit and milkshake ingredients. "You know what you are doing with the blender?" He asked to change the topic as he heard footsteps coming down the stairs. "Huh? No not really, I was gonna use the Internet." Ben admitted as he turned his head towards the door waiting for Callum to come through. "Thought you were resting upstairs babe?" He asked softly  
"Feel sick" Callum muttered. "So I'm just lying there unable to sleep!"  
"Do you want any of the new anti sickness meds?" Ben asked  
"No I'll be ok, I'm not keen on them anyway, they kind of stop the sickness but they make me feel really out of it!" Callum shrugged. "I was just coming down for a glass of water and then I'm gonna try and sleep again!"  
"Here I'll get it ya!" Phil said as he grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge and passed it to him.  
"Thanks" Callum mumbled. "I'll go give resting another shot!" He slowly shuffled back upstairs.  
"Go on up with him, I'll try and remember that chocolate orange milkshake recipe, I'll bring it up yeah?" Phil said as he slowly nudged Ben out of the kitchen. 

Ben quickly walked into the bedroom, where he sat on the edge of the bed where Callum was curled up in a ball, the bottle of water already half empty.  
"You okay?" Ben asked him.  
"I just feel sick again!" Callum groaned. "Feeling proper shit right now!"  
Ben nodded as he moved behind Callum to hold him close. "I know darling, you'll be okay. I'm here yeah!" Ben kissed Callum's shoulder. "I just I really hate feeling like this" Callum mumbled. "I know darling. Hey i bought you something today, while you were buying Lexi her dream catcher, I snuck to the stall behind you and I got you this!" He pulled a carrier bag out from under their bed and as Callum turned slowly to face him, he pulled out a gorgeous leather-bound journal. He passed it to Callum. "If you ever want to write stuff down, how your feeling, anything really that you don't want to talk about, I thought it might help, and I'll never read it either, it's private ok?"  
"Thank you" Callum whispered giving him a kiss. "Its gorgeous! That's dead thoughtful of you Ben!"  
"I do try!" Ben stroked Callums nose as he smiled at him.  
He placed the journal in Callums bedside table to keep it safe, as his Dad knocked on the door, pushing it open with his hip.  
"Try these, I think the first attempt came out pretty well!" He said handing over two glasses full of milkshake to Ben. "These look well nice, cheers Dad!" He said as he handed one to Callum who had slowly sat up. "That is beautiful!" Callum admitted after he drank a few mouthfuls.  
"Well, I'm glad I could help, I'm nipping out for a bit now, I shouldn't be longer than a couple of hours!" Phil said as he closed the door behind him.


	13. 13.

When Phil left, Callum turned to Ben who was drinking his own milkshake. "I love you Ben!" He whispered, reaching out to hold Ben's hand in his own. "And I know you have questions, and I want to answer them, but I don't want to make you upset! Any more upset than you currently are anyway." He admitted softly.   
"Babe, I just want to know what happened? I don't even know why myself, but the way you were so casual about being left alone, like it was a normal thing, made me just start to wonder what else he got away with" Ben replied after a moment of silence. "You can't run away from how he treated you Callum, the anger and the hurt is still in here." He placed their joined hands over Callums heart. "Even if you try and deny it, it's still there, on top of all the chemo and the cancer and all the stress of your seizures. I just don't want you feeling alone, yeah I'll be upset but I'll get over it, because you Callum no matter how strong I think you are yeah? Are human, and you can only take so much. I just worry that you'll...get overwhelmed... maybe that's not the right word...like I don't want you to feel like you have to bottle up how you are feeling, if you want to talk or rant about chemo, your childhood or anything that's on your mind then I just want you to know I'll listen to it, you ain't dealing with this on your own, I'll listen to whatever is on your mind babe ok?"  
Callum nodded, kissing him as Ben held him securely in his arms to let him know he was there for him.  
"It wasn't as bad when Stuart was around" Callum admitted, "but he left home when I was 5, and came back when I was 15." Callum paused for a moment, gathering his thoughts. "But it was always me looking after dad and not the other way around. I tried to sort all the bills out, I remember standing up in the court office when I was 12 and begging them not to evict us, running drugs for a few months after for the local dealer Packo to try and earn enough money for the rent that my dad had pissed away on booze or coke instead. I dunno, it wasn't easy. I didn't want to help him, I didn't want to be cooking and stealing and shopping and keeping on top of all the laundry and the bills. I was getting in trouble at school, I couldn't concentrate when he had battered me the night before or when I was so hungry I was dizzy, but I couldn't give up on him you know, I just kept going!" Callum sighed as Ben closed his eyes in shock. "Oh my god, baby. That's awful, he treated you horrifically." He breathed. "You should not have gone through any of that. He robbed you of your childhood, its not right!" He held Callum tightly against his chest, stroking his back as Callum nodded. "I know he did" he muttered "and I hate him for it!" He admitted quietly. "Will you stay with me until I fall asleep babe? I'm just really tired now!"   
Ben nodded "of course I will darlin" he replied softly realising Callum didn't want to talk about his childhood anymore. 

\--------------------  
When Callum next woke up in bed he was alone, and he was still so so tired, it was though sleeping was doing absolutely nothing to affect his energy levels. He ran a hand against his face as he snuggled further into the duvet, he rolled over, suddenly feeling dizzy as he fell out of bed and hit the floor with a loud bang. He heard Ben shout his name downstairs but he just didn't have the energy or focus to respond to him, even as he heard Ben's footsteps starting to run up the stairs he turned his head towards the doorway seeing Ben's feet come running over as his vision started to fade into black and his muscles started to tense up as his eyes rolled back and he started seizing.  
\---------------  
Ben was downstairs watching TV, he had left Callum after he was certain that he was asleep and came downstairs so that he didn't disturb him. He was doing his best to not get angry at how badly Callum had been treated like a slave, and so after about ten minutes of pacing round the living room, he eventually sat down and tried to distract himself with watching the television. He was immersed in the new BBC drama when he suddenly was startled by a really loud bang from upstairs. "CAL? CALLUM?" He shouted and started to run up the stairs when he received no response.  
He immediately noticed Callum seizing on the bedroom floor and whipped out his phone with one hand setting a timer whilst he grabbed a pillow off the bed with his other hand and managed to manoeuvre it under Callums head.   
"Easy Callum, I'm here. I'm right here tiger ok. You are going to be just fine babe." He continued whispering sweet nothings to Callum, as the seizure slowly lessened and eventually stopped, Ben pressed the stop on the timer, 3 minutes 16 seconds. He noticed that Callums mouth was looking thankfully blood-free so it wasn't looking as though Callum had bitten his cheek or his tongue during the seizure and Ben was thankful for small mercies. He gently stroked Callums cheek for a few moments, reassuring Callum with a litany of 'its over now, darling' 'come back to me Callum, I'm here you're safe now.' And 'I'm right here beside you Cal, I've got you baby, I've got you, you are okay!' Just so that if there was a chance that Callum could hear him, he might be able to reassure him. A couple of minutes later and Callum groaned, his eyes flickering open, slowly dragging his torso upright as his legs failed to obey him. He pulled himself up to lean against the bed and he slowly became aware of Ben talking to him. "Huh?" He asked Ben dazedly. "You are ok, you've just had a seizure!" Ben said staying calm as he knelt down in front of his dazed boyfriend. "I think it's caused you to fall out of bed" Callum leant slowly against Ben who held him gently against him rubbing soothing circles on his back.  
"Are you hurt anywhere Callum?" Ben asked softly, sitting down on the floor next to his boyfriend, taking in how pale and shaky he was.  
Callum blinked a few times before he let "no...I... I'm fine" out in a shaky voice, as Ben took hold of his hand.  
"Its ok, do you want me to help you back into bed?" Ben suggested kindly.  
"In a...minute babe, sorry....my heads really ...fuzzy.... right now!" Callum replied weakly into Ben's chest.   
"Thats okay, there is no rush." Ben hushed "you don't need to apologise tiger. It's okay!"  
They stayed sat curled up, seated on the bedroom floor Ben holding Callum against him comforting and protecting him, and Callum curled up into Ben's side, as much as his aching body would allow, as he clung onto Ben like a lifeline trembling against him, Ben continuing to whisper that he was safe, and loved while still continuing to rub comforting circles on Callums back.  
"You ok baby?" Ben whispered against Callums shoulder   
"Come on let me get you into bed, it's more comfy than being on the floor."  
Callum nodded weakly against him, exhaustion taking over every part of him as Ben helped him to stand, and get curled back up into bed.  
"Easy darling, you look knackered!" Ben stroked Callums cheek. "Do you need anything or do you just want to sleep?"   
"I'll just sleep!" Callum muttered his eyes drifting closed.  
"OK baby, you get some rest yeah?" Ben tucked the duvet around Callims curled up form. "I'll keep bobbing in to check on you ok?" Ben informed him. "Go on hun, you look knackered, don't fight it and just sleep ok?"  
Callum nodded slightly against him as his breathing evened out and he drifted off to sleep.  
Ben padded out of the bedroom, leaving the door open slightly as he made his way downstairs.  
He flopped back on the sofa with a sigh, rubbing his eyes feeling drained. He was debating whether or not to get something to eat when Jay walked in the back door.  
"Ey up Bruv!" He said as he made his way into the living room. "You okay?" He asked Ben.   
"Yeah fine!" Ben said plastering on a fake smile.  
"Bro, you dont fool me yeah?" Jay sat down on the coffee table facing Ben.   
"Callums just had a seizure, hes fine now, just sleeping. I just get frustrated that there is nothing i can do to stop this!"   
"Oh Ben, i dont really know what to say apart from hang in there, there is going to be good days and bad days yeah? You love Callum, and he loves you. You just got to get through this somehow. Ben I have known you so so so long, you can do this!" Jay encouraged Ben. "You are engaged, soon to be married, husbands. This is just a really shitty blip that you are going to help each other overcome and have a happy healthy future together, yeah?"  
Ben nodded "i think Callums had enough of it already Every time he has a seizure or the chemo makes him sick, he apologises to me, hes so sorry about it, and hes done nothing wrong. Its not his fault that the chemo takes away his appetite or makes him sick and dizzy, but he feels like hes a burden on me and he isnt!" Ben sniffled shaking his head. "Callum just doesnt deserve this. He deserves to be happy and healthy"  
"I know he does Ben, but sometimes things like this just happen and believe me when you two get through this, you will both be stronger than ever!" Jay added. "You both mean a lot to me, if there is anything...anything...I can do, apart from run the car lot... I'm here."  
"Thanks!" Ben replied sincerely. "I dont really think there's anything you can do though Jay. It just feels like everyday he is getting worse, we had a good day today to start with, we went out, went shopping, and then he's just been tired and feeling sick since we got 🔒 and now he has had a seizure, I just feel so useless right now."  
"Eh, don't think like that!" Jay admonished gently. "You are amazing with him, he knows you are here for him, how much you love him, definately not useless Ben. If anything I'd say you were the only thing helping him through this, helping him cope. I know this ain't easy for either of you, and I don't expect you to be coping or on top of anything. Why do you think I took over the car lot fully for ya? So you could be with Callum and also because even if you were working, I highly doubt you would be focusing on the business. Plus Callum should not be alone through this."  
At his words more tears escaped from Ben's eyes as he broke down sobbing.  
"Sorry was it what I said?" Jay asked confused and concerned at the way Ben was breaking down in front of him. Ben shook his head and slowed his shaky breathing.   
"This stays between you and me...but Callums dad Jonno used to leave him alone in the flat sometimes even for a week." Ben hung his head "his earliest memory of it is being left for a week when he was six years old and he was terrified! Just when you said about him being left alone, it reminded me of our conversation." He glanced at Jay who looked floored. "I only told my dad and you what Callum admitted, I'm just so angry at his dad, battering him for letting the electric go off, he was a kid and it's just eating away at me, I'm trying to forget. I mean Callums got cancer, there's not much more room for stress at the minute. But his dad Jay, eurghhh I just want to hurt him like he hurt Callum!" Ben admitted  
"I dont blame you!" Jay said sounding disgusted. "Some people don't deserve to be parents! Where was he?"   
"Getting drunk or high apparently." Ben replied bitterly causing Jay to sigh in horror as he slowly shook his head in disgust.  
"Anyway, you and Honey?" Ben changed the subject.  
"Yeah, had a well nice afternoon out!" Jay smiled "she's amazing, I just wish Billy would understand."  
"The way I see it is you are both single consenting adults, he can't stop you, eventually he will get over it!"  
"And if he doesn't?" Jay asked "because he's been pretty horrific to us both, says its almost incest, I can't see him coming round to the idea Ben!"  
"Well he needs to get over himself, if he wanted Honey then he shouldn't have cheated on her. He was then with Karen and its only because he's now single that he is kicking up a huge fuss. I'm happy for you, life's too short Jay, don't miss out on happiness just because Billy is throwing his toys out of the pram!"   
"Yeah that's true!" Jay grinned "you've always had my back you ain't ya?"   
Ben nodded "ain't that what a brothers for?" He asked Jay with a small smile   
Jay leaned back in his chair "yeah, so you set a date for the wedding yet?"  
"Not yet. After this cycle of chemo ends next month Callums got six months to a year to recover before he may or may not need another cycle so when we find out how long the break is, and factor in his hair growing back and his energy increasing, we will work it out!"  
"See you've got everything to look forward to!" Jay said supportively. "You will figure it out between you, I know you will! You will get through this, trust me bro! Is alright If I hang out here with you tonight bro. Billy wants a private talk with Honey, they've asked me to go back in the morning"  
"Of course, stay as long as you need!" Ben replied 

\--------------  
When Callum woke up an hour and a half later, he felt a lot better, less achey and his nausea was barely noticeable. He stretched, pulling on a fresh dark green tracksuit, before making his way slowly downstairs.  
"Oh hello" he said brightly before yawning as he spotted Jay and Ben in the living room watching some game show.  
"Hey, you feeling better?" Ben asked softly as he patted the sofa cushion next to him. Callum nodded, sliding in next to him  
"Yeah, just a bit achey, but the sleep definately helped, don't feel as sick now either."  
"Do you want something to eat?" Ben asked hopefully.  
Callum sighed nuzzling into Ben's side "I guess so...I don't know what though!" He huffed in annoyance. "Nothing is that appetising at the minute!"  
"Go on babe, its rare I can get you to eat something recently. Come on have a think, if you could eat anything right now, what would it be? Anything to eat?"  
Callum remained thoughtful for a few moments.  
"Chicken nuggets!" He replied after careful deliberation  
"Really?" Ben asked surprised and Jay chuckled.   
"Yeah, oh no wait, pancakes!" Callum nodded "yeah! Definitely, pancakes!"   
"I'll order some from that waffle house if you want?" Ben offered with an amused shake of his head, stroking Callum's head. Callum was starting to let Ben touch his head more now, at the start he used to hate Ben touching his head if there wasn't a hat or a hoodie in the way, but now he seemed to be getting more comfortable with Ben touching his head skin to skin, not as embarrassed almost, which seemed daft to Ben as he really had nothing to be embarrassed about.   
"Yeah? That would be amazing babe, thank you!"   
"Yeah, ill even get you some ice cream with your pancakes." Ben kissed his head as he started tapping on his phone screen.   
"Jay you want owt?" He asked looking at Jay tossing him his phone so he could add the the order.   
"Yeah nice one bro!" Jay started scrolling through the online menu.  
"What you getting babe?" Callum asked Ben.  
"Same as you, pancakes with chocolate sauce and ice cream!" Ben replied "What about you Jay?"  
"Nutella waffles bro...got to be done!" Jay grinned as he passed the phone back to Ben.   
"How long is the food gonna be babe?" Callum asked after zoning out to the telly for a little bit, enjoying the feeling of Ben tracing patterns along his head.   
"About another 45 minutes!" Ben said checking his watch. "Why?"  
"I'm gonna go grab a quick shower!" Callum replied pushing himself of the sofa with a groan. "Be back down soon" he kissed Ben's head, before going up the stairs to the bathroom.  
"He alright?" Jay asked looking puzzled  
"Yeah, chemo and the seizures make him sweat, like a cold sweat so he gets a shower as often as he can to help." Ben explained   
"Blimey, there's loads of side effects ain't there?" Jay asked horrified   
Ben nodded sadly "yeah" he sighed "Callums been really amazing coping with it all, like out of this world amazing, like, yeah, we've both had our moments where we start sobbing all over each other when it feels like its getting too much....and I guess that's okay, because after he's ranted and cried and stuff, he bounces back and even on his worst days he's always just Callum you know? He's always trying to smile through the pain, but he's Callum and he's doing me so proud right now. Hes so strong Jay. I don't think he realises just how strong he is!" He trailed off   
"He is Ben, he's fighting this with everything he's got. Cos he's a soldier at heart Ben, he knows he can do this, he's just got to keep himself going and motivated!" Jay replied "I didn't want to say anything in case I upset ya, but he looks like it's a tough battle he's fighting!" He added sadly.  
"The chemo is basically a poison, they are poisoning him to kill the cancer cells, I knew it weren't gonna be a walk in the park, but honestly right now, this...this is just a nightmare Jay. Callum ain't well in the slightest and seeing him like this is hard!" Ben broke off putting his head in his hands, snifflimg  
"Hey don't cry Ben, come on he'll be down soon, you don't want him to see you upset." Jay advised him "come on be strong for him yeah?" Jay encouraged as Ben wiped his eyes.   
"Sorry, its just..." Ben trailed off running his hand through his hair.  
"I know Ben, you really don't have to apologise, its hard for you both, I get that yeah." Jay replied sadly "come on there must be something better than this on telly?" He asked changing the subject as Ben chuckled. "Not really Jay, TV is crap at the minute!" He picked the remote up off the coffee table and tossed it Jay who caught it easily. "I know tell me about it!" Jay grinned. "Never anything good on!"  
When Callum came downstairs five minutes later, feeling a lot fresher, he found Jay and Ben watching the Terminator movie and slid in next to Ben who put his arm around his waist and pulled him in close.  
"Feel better now you have had a shower?" Ben whispered  
"Yeah, much better!" Callum replied, curling up close. "Looking forward to my pancakes" he said happily, entwining his fingers with Ben's.   
"Glad to hear it!" Ben pulled his hood back a fraction amd kissed Callums forehead.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just another day in the life on Ben and Callum as they continue to support each other and Jay surprises them

Callum, Ben and Jay had just finished their pancakes and waffle dinner and were watching some more episodes of the X files. Callum was lying down, his head on a cushion in Ben's lap, as Ben ran his fingers up and down Callums arm. "You still doing ok babe?" He quietly murmered to Callum, also checking to see if Callum had fallen asleep.  
"Yeah, I'm feeling ok, just aching from the seizure a bit I guess." Callum replied softly causing Jay to shoot him a sympathetic glance. "Anything I can do?" Ben asked softly, Callum shook his head. "I'm alright actually, cheers babe!"  
"Sure?" Ben asked stroking his temple  
"Yeah honestly, I'm doing alright again now." Callum replied with a reassuring smile at Ben.   
"Glad to hear it Cal!" Ben smiled back.  
"How's Ian been?" Jay asked curiously  
"Since he came round and apologised, yeah so far he's been alright!" Ben admitted looking over at Jay. "Its his last chance with me now and he knows it!"  
"Thats good bro, glad he's not adding to your stress levels now!" Jay replied   
"Yeah!" Ben admitted. "I just hope he doesn't go back on his word."  
"I dont think he will, he sounded pretty sincere when he came round didn't he?" Callum mumbled.  
"Yeah I suppose so!" Ben replied slowly. "But he's not a very trustworthy person Callum, you always see the good in people, and well to be honest I'm not actually sure that there is any good in Ian. Hes always been been liar, bully and a cheat, its just got worse as he got older!"  
Jay nodded "that's very true!" He agreed "he's a reputation for being a snake!" 

\-----------------  
Ben and Callum were lying down In bed, facing each other, Callum stroking Ben's cheek. "You okay Ben?" He whispered, he felt Ben shift next to him. "I'm fine" Ben whispered back "I'm just worried about you!"   
"I'm ok Ben!" Callum responded "I just feel awful about all of this!"  
"It isn't your fault darlin, I worry cos I love ya, and I want to help you in anyway I can." Ben replied. "None of this is down to you. I wish I could swap places, so you didn't have to suffer like this. But I cant"  
Callum smiled, "even if you could, I wouldn't let you!" He smiled. "Anyway, I've only got two more weeks of chemotherapy before my break Ben, I'm so close to the finish line now! Just got to keep going!"  
"You have been so strong throughout this darlin" Ben kissed his forehead. "I can't wait to marry you! I'm gonna make sure it is amazing!"  
"A day to remember eh?" Callum smiled at him and Ben nodded, pulling him close. "Come on darlin' you need your rest yeah, it's been a long day today. I mean apart from you having the seizure its been a great day!" Ben said quietly  
Callum looked upset at Ben's words. "Cal? What is it? What did I say"   
"I know, I hate it, I'm sorry Ben!"  
"What? I don't follow baby?"  
"Apart from the seizure it's been a great day!" Callum swallowed nervously "you're right, the seizures always ruin everything, I'm so frustrated at the minute, I'm sorry!"  
"No, no, no baby, I'm not saying that. Honestly Callum yeah! I didn't mean it how you're thinking. I meant that...that...some days are really good, yeah. You've got energy, you're not in as much pain, not feeling like ya gonna throw up every time you move your head. I know you hate having seizures babe, I hate watching them if I'm being completely honest, but it isn't your fault. It doesn't ruin the day yeah, it doesn't make me angry at you, because it's. Not. Your. Fault! Say it Callum. Say that's its not your fault!" Ben stroked Callums cheek.  
"Its not my fault?" Callum whispered into the dark.  
"Its never your fault!" Ben confirmed with a kiss. "I'm sorry, when I said that. I didn't mean to make it sound like I was blaming you for ruining the day!" He held Callum against him, nuzzling his neck. "That wasn't what I meant at all."  
Callum clung to Ben. "Promise?" He asked quietly  
"I promise baby!" Ben replied. "I didn't mean to upset you! Come on darlin' how about we get some rest eh?"  
Callum nodded as the two men snuggled up together and slowly fell asleep.  
\--------------------- 

Callum woke up in the middle of the night, groaning as the waves of nausea rode through him, as he curled up into a ball, trying to get comfy. He groaned into the pillow as his stomach cramped sharply.   
"Babe are you ok?" He heard Ben's half asleep whisper and he shook his head forgetting Ben wouldn't be able to see him in the dark.  
"Callum?" Ben tried again, putting his hand on Callums shoulder "are you okay?"   
"No! Feel sick!" Callum bit out in pain.  
"Come on, let's get you to the bathroom!" Ben said as he stumbled round to Callums side of the bed, still half asleep and helped him into a sitting position as Callum slowly uncurled his body.   
"Easy babe, I'm here yeah?" Ben encouraged him as he helped Callum to stand and shuffle into the bathroom. Where he quickly slouched near the toilet. "I'll go and get you a glass of water okay? I'll be back in a minute!" Ben kissed Callums forehead before he ran down the stairs to the kitchen.  
Callum felt another cramp hit his stomach and his throat started to burn causing him to quickly shuffle in front of the toilet before he violently threw up. He didn't hear Ben come back into the bathroom so feeling Ben's cool hand on his back startled him. "Sorry, didn't mean to frighten you Cal!" Ben whispered softly before Callum violently threw up again. "Better out than in Baby! You're okay, I'm here alright?" Ben continued to reassure him even as he continued vomiting. Eventually Callum slumped back against the wall, shaking. "Do you want some water?" Ben held the glass out as Callum slowly took it in shaking hands, the water sloshing around slightly as Callum took some small sips, Ben reaching out to wipe the tears away that were slowly sliding down Callums cheek. "Hey don't cry Babe!" He whispered "I know you hate being sick, it's ok. It's over for the minute now ok. Let's brush your teeth and if you want we can go back to bed ok!" Callum nodded slowly, as Ben turned his head seeing Jay in the doorway. "You...er...ok? I heard Callum being sick...I just.." Jay trailed off unsure of what to say.   
"Yeah, thanks Jay but we will be alright, honestly you go back to bed bro it's like 3 in the morning, it's ok!" Ben assured him, giving him a grateful smile, taking the glass of water out of Callums shaky hands as Jay nodded and with a sad glance at the bathrooms occupants, left them to it.   
"Ben?" Callum rasped out a few seconds later. "Will you help me stand up please?"   
"Course I can" Ben grabbed Callums hands and gently helped Callum to stand up. After Callum had splashed some water on his face and brushed his teeth he was feeling a bit better and he slowly followed Ben back into the bedroom and gladly lay back down on the bed feeling drained.  
"Go back to sleep Callum, you look shattered love!" Ben instructed his boyfriend softly as he tucked the duvet in around him before he walked round to the other side of the bed and slid in behind Callum spooning him, both falling asleep within minutes. 

\-------------------  
"Morning bro!" Jay said as Ben groggily appeared in the living room. "Eurgh morning!" Ben grumbled in response.  
"Callum still in bed?" Jay asked and Ben nodded.  
"I was thinking this morning. There's a big castle on the outskirts of London, Mount Vale Castle, right up your street for a wedding. I rang em up, and explained the situation with Callum and they said you could view it whenever you felt up for it today, they usually set a specific time so its just whenever Callum feels ready, plus it's weekend so I'm off work, maybe I could come with ya. Be nice for Callum i was thinking! Cheer him up"  
"We can't set a date yet until we know how long his break is! But yeah i reckon that's a plan Jay, with Callum being as bad as he is at the minute it will give him something to look forward to! I've only just briefly looked at places to go in Jamaica. He wants to go there for the honeymoon. I was just gonna think about it all when he was on his break!' Ben admitted rubbing his face.  
"I explained that to the woman and she sympathised with your circumstances a lot. She and the managers are renovating the bedrooms for a few weeks and then they aren't opening to the public fully for events and stuff until next December. She says that if you like it, they will book you in for a wedding even when they are technically closed, they just need two weeks notice for you to book it!"   
"Really?" Ben laughed "Jay that's perfect! That is awesome!" He pulled Jay into a hug "you have done amazing. Honestly, without knowing how long his break was going to be, we couldn't decide on a date, I want him to have as much recovery time for this, as he can. Let his hair grow back, gain weight ya know, because he might need another cycle of Chemo after the break ends."   
Jay grinned at him. "Glad I could do something to help you out to be honest bro." His face became more sombre "he didn't look well before, I mean that vomiting sounded painful bro. Is there nothing for it?"  
"No the anti emetic he is currently on makes him feel really out of it, but because he always feels like that before he has a fit, it makes him anxious about whether he is going to have another one and he hates it, says he prefers just being sick to be honest, the other ones we have tried didn't work or gave him pounding headaches which he sometimes gets off the painkillers as well so he kinda gets a double whammy!" Ben shrugged. "He's definately not having an easy time of it that's for sure!" He sighed as he walked into the kitchen where he made him and Jay a coffee and a cup of tea for Callum.   
He picked up Callums brew "just taking this brew up to Callum, yours is the one in the blue mug in the kitchen!" He told Jay before he went up the stairs. "Cal?" He gently reached out and woke Callum  
"Hey tiger, there's a nice brew here for you!" He explained as Callums bright blue eyes settled on him  
Callum smiled "thanks baby!" He replied still half asleep, as he reached out to hold Ben's hand. "Love you!"   
Ben smiled at him "I love you too Cal!" Ben smiled, as Call sat up carefully and leant against the pillows. Ben passed him his brew. "How are you feeling this morning darling?" Ben asked as he sat down on the bed  
"Okay, I dont feel to bad, just a bit groggy and achey, at least the nausea is almost gone!' Callum replied honestly as he had a sip of his brew. "You want to stay in bed for a bit or do you want to get up? Jays got a surprise planned for both of us today!"   
Callum looked surprised. "I'll get up, I'm feeling pretty well rested at the minute!" He answered "what's the surprise?"  
"You'll have to wait and see tiger!" Ben grinned "I'm gonna bob down and get my own brew. Get a shower, get dressed and I will see you downstairs!" Ben kissed him, before going back downstairs.  
\--------------------------- 

"Where are we going?" Callum asked as Jay got in the drivers seat of the Mercedes he'd "borrowed" from the car lot.  
"Its a surprise mate!" Jay grinned as he flipped the radio on as Ben slid into the back seat next to him, passing him a bottle of orange juice.   
They drove for about just under an hour as they pulled into the carpark, a huge magnificent castle came into view and Callums jaw dropped. "Wow!" Ben breathed "Jay this place is amazing!"   
"I know right?" Jay grinned switching the ignition off. "Perfect for that wedding of yours eh?" He added seeing Callums stunned expression. Ben took hold of Callums hand as they walked into the entrance of the castle into the reception. "Hi I'm Daisy!" A middle aged brunette came over to introduce herself. "Callum and im Ben, and this is Jay!" Ben replied kindly.  
"Welcome to Mount Vale Castle, I will be showing you around. I actually had breast cancer myself ten years ago. Found out a couple of weeks after my husband and I got engaged so I know how hard it is to plan a wedding in these circumstances, so I'm glad we can help!" She smiled at them warmly. "So let me show you around!" She added leading the way.  
\-------------------  
The Castle was perfect, both Ben and Callum had decided, and even though it was expensive, Ben had simply told Callum that after everything he was going through, he deserved the best.  
As they were lay together on the sofa later that evening, Callum smiled at Ben before kissing him. "I love you!" He whispered as Ben stroked his face. "I love you too Cal!" He whispered back.   
"I still can't believe we are gonna get married in a castle. I mean I'm the guy who grew up on the roughest council estate in London."   
"You deserve the best, and I'm going to make sure you get it!" Ben said lovingly "I'd do anything for you Callum!"  
"Same here Ben. Thank you...for everything. There's no one I want to spend the rest of my life with more than you!"


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callum starts his break from chemo

Ben was driving Callum to his last chemo appointment,   
The doctors had told them last week that Callum would need one or two large shots of chemotherapy medication injected into the base of his spine in ten months time, and then he would almost certainly be in remission. The chemo was working well to attack the cancerous lymphoma and the tumour was shrinking at a brilliant rate. It was good news and for that Ben couldn't be happier. Callum was knackered and looking forward to ringing the bell that signaled his last chemotherapy appointment, so he could look forward to his body starting to recover from the harshness of the chemotherapy drugs that were running through his system. He glanced over at Ben.  
"Last one. I can't believe it!" He laughed slightly  
"I am so fucking proud of you Callum!" Ben said emotionally "Honestly I am. You have been amazing!"   
"As have you!" Callum replied "I can't believe how supportive you have been!"  
"Hey I'd do anything for you!" Ben replied as he pulled into the hospital carpark. "I love you Callum, you and Lexi are my world!"   
"Same here!" Callum replied smiling  
"Come on then babe, last chemo appointment. Quicker we get it started the sooner its all over!" Ben encouraged him as he pulled into an empty parking space. 

Marie greeted them at the nurses station.  
"So after this appointment, you will be ringing our bell Mr Highway, I am so excited for you my lovelies!" She enthused. "Follow me you two!"   
When Marie had left them to it, and Callum had his IV drip in his hand for the final time, Ben turned to face Callum "its almost over baby!" He smiled. "After this you can start to get your life back babe! And we can focus on our wedding!"  
"I can't wait to ring that flipping Bell!" Callum replied light heartedly "apart from the injections it's almost over. This whole nightmare is almost finally over!" He grinned at Ben. "I couldn't have done it without you Ben!"  
"Of course you could! You're strong as owt you!" Ben chuckled. "I'm just feeling like you, relieved for the finish line in a few hours!"  
They lapsed into a comfy silence, Ben holding Callums hand safely in his own.  
"Babe?" Callum asked suddenly "can we go away for the weekend somewhere, when I'm feeling better...you, me and Lexi?"  
"Yeah of course we can!" Ben replied with a smile "a little family getaway! It sounds perfect Cal! Where were ya thinking of?"   
Callum looked thoughtful for a moment "Scotland? Cornwall? I dunno...somewhere new, somewhere different!"   
Ben smiled at the enthusiastic expression on Callums face. "Of course we can. It sounds wonderful, we can have a look at some ideas for places later when we get back if you feel up to it, I like the idea of Scotland better darlin, could get a train there, see all the sights. Lexi will be in her element Callum!" Ben grinned.   
"I'd like that!" Callum replied. "Its just feels like the last five months of my life have been chemo and feeling like shite. Its nice to just be able to go and do something you know?"   
Ben nodded. "I know, I'm so proud of you. I know I keep saying it, but I don't think you realise just how much I mean it Callum. I am so lucky, so so lucky to have you in my life, as my soon to be husband." He kissed Callums hand. "I love you!" He smiled lovingly at Callum.  
Callum blushed "I love you too!" He replied before yawning. "Feeling proper tired now though!"  
"Well why don't I pop down to the canteen and get us both a coffee while you rest your eyes!" Ben suggested   
"That sounds amazing! Definately need the caffeine today, I'm already knackered!" Callum replied as he drew his long legs up and curled them underneath him.   
Ben nodded with a smile, kissing Callum gently on his forehead. "Close your eyes for a bit Cal, I'll be back with the coffees shortly ok? You need to rest darling!"  
At Callums weary nod, Ben softly stroked Callum's cheek, before he left the room.   
It didn't take long for Ben to reach the canteen where he bought 2 coffees and a selection of pastries and crisps, knowing that Callum hadn't had any breakfast that morning, he couldn't believe that it was Callums last chemo treatment and while he knew it would be a good few months before Callum was feeling a bit more back to normal, today was the first step, to getting their lives back on track. Ben could think about going back part time at the car lot, planning their stag do and wedding, no more chemotherapy appointments every week, and whilst the doctor had warned that he may still have one or two seizures in the recovery, the chances are they wouldn't be nearly as violent now, and hopefully non-existent after the chemo injections when the break was over. Ben smiled to himself as he got in the lift, heading back to Callum. He was so looking forward to this chapter being over for now.  
He eventually got back to Callum who was lightly dozing, his long limbs curled up into a ball. "Hey baby!" Ben greeted him as Callums eyelashes fluttered as he slowly roused himself, stretching and smiling softly at Ben. "Hey yourself!" He murmered sleepily as he reached out to grasp the coffee that Ben was holding out to him.   
"Still tired?" Ben asked sympathetically as he sat down in the chair next to Callum, taking a sip of his own coffee.   
"Yeah, I'm always tired now though!" Callum replied.   
"Hopefully the coffee will kick in soon though eh?" He smiled again, that smile that made Ben's heart feel warm inside.  
Ben nodded "hopefully!" He agreed with a smile of his own.   
\---------------  
After Callum rung the bell, all of the nurses on the ward clapped and Ben gave him a kiss. "You did it Callum!" He praised him "you did it, I'm so proud of you!" He held Callum against him in against him in a hug, before pulling away smiling as Marie came over with a box full of cupcakes. "Here you go my lovely. Thank you for being such a good patient, and we will see you in ten months for your last injection. Enjoy the cakes and don't eat them all at once!"   
Callum and Ben both thanked her and the other nurses for their support through it all and then they were walking to the car. Ben slowing his pace down when he realised Callum was tired causing him to fall behind slightly. "Its done with for now baby. How about we go home, and while you have a rest, I go and get us both some beers in, have a celebration! Even if it is just watching rubbish telly together!"   
Callum smiled as they reached the car. "That sounds absolutely wonderful Babe!' He replied "it's over" he laughed as he buckled himself In with the seat belt  
"I did it Ben!"  
"You did me proud Callum. Real proud!' Ben said emotionally "I love you so much!"   
"And I love you." Callum replied simply as he kissed Ben's cheek.   
Ben started the engine and drove home, smiling as he realised Callum had fallen asleep, his head lolling against the window. He pulled up outside their house and gently shook Callum awake.   
They walked into the kitchen where there was a huge crate of beers with a note saying congratulations to Callum for his last chemo appointment from Mick and Stuart.  
"Looks like I won't have to go out for the beers now!" Ben grinned as he took his coat off. Callum chuckled as he eased himself Down onto the sofa in the living room while Ben hung his coat up.   
Callum switched the telly on, stretching his long legs out beside him, as he flicked through the channels.   
"Anything good on?" Ben smiled as he came in with the crate of beer, and the pastries he had bought from the hospital canteen, as well as the cupcakes balanced on top from Marie and the nurses.  
"Nah, nothing much good on yet, four in a bed is on, that's the best option at the minute!" Callum said as Ben passed him a pain au chocolat.   
"Ere, get this down ya Cal, neither of us have eaten yet, and if we start drinking on an empty stomach, it's not gonna end well." Ben said grabbing a cinnamon swirl out of the paper bag for himself.  
Callum lifted up so Ben could slide in next to him, before he nestled into Ben's side, munching his pastry.   
Ben stroked Callums arm. "You feeling ok?" He asked gently. "Yeah" Callum replied "a bit tired but I've finished chemo now. I just want to stay awake and make the most of it." Callum kissed Ben's hand.   
"If that's what you want babe!" Ben leant his head on Callums.   
Callum leaned his head back to look at Ben and Ben took the opportunity to kiss Callums lips, "I love you!" Callum whispered as they broke apart. "I love you too!" Ben murmered back, his eyes full of love as he gazed at Callum. "What?" Callum asked when he noticed how Ben was watching him.  
"I'm just so proud of you babe! I really am!" He was cut off by a knock at the door. "Lift up, back in a sec!"  
Ben returned moments later with Frankie "hey you!" Callum grinned "what are you doing here?"  
"A little birdie told me you've finished your chemo today.  
That you are on a break from it now!" Frankie smiled  
"Just wanted to spend some time with you both!"   
Callum smiled. "Aw lovely" he replied grinning as Ben passed her a beer.   
"So how long is your break?" Frankie asked sitting on the chair across from Callum. "Ten months and then a coupe of chemotherapy injections in my spine which sounds painful but then it should hopefully be all over." Callum replied.  
"and hopefully in the ten month break, my husband to be, will become my actual husband!" Ben added grinning as Frankie clapped excitedly.  
"Yes, I'm so excited for you guys to get married!" She smiled widely her eyes lighting up with happiness. "You two are perfect for each other." She sipped her beer "my two best friends getting married, and Callum you've been amazing with the chemo! Both of you should be so proud of yourselves!"  
"Callum has been amazing!" Ben said squeezing Callums knee. "Hes been so sick with the chemo and he's battled through those bad days with a smile on his face! I dont know how he managed it." He smiled warmly at Callum who was blushing slightly.  
"Well quitting wasn't really an option was it Ben? Callum teased. "Frankie you want a cupcake?" He asked as he grabbed one for himself with bright orange icing.  
"Ooh yeah, they look well yummy!" She replied as Callum stuck a random music channel on for some background noise.  
"So yummy!" Callum confirmed as he licked some fallen icing off his fingers  
\----------------‐---  
Frankie stayed for about an hour before leaving them to it.  
"You gotta love Frankie!" Callum grinned finishing his beer as Ben shook his head in amusement "yeah she's definately one of a kind!" Ben replied with a small laugh.  
"I really want another cupcake, but I'm starting to feel rough!"   
"Lie down babe, have a rest. We have had a busy morning ain't we?" Ben replied unfolding Callum's blanket over them both and curling his knees up getting comfy. "It'll still be there later. Unless Lexi sees em when she comes round after school tonight and then she's gonna want to eat them all, especially that bright pink one in the corner there!" Ben chuckled.  
"Yeah" Callum yawned "definately, I'm glad she liked that dreamcatcher "   
"She loves it!" Ben grinned."so i was looking online before and we could get a log cabin in the middle of the Scottish forest for a weekend?" Ben suggested in the hopes of cheering Callum up and keeping him positive.  
Callum however looked horrified. "Are you for real Ben? Do you watch horror movies.....I ain't going through all of that chemo just to get killed by some mad axeman or a possessed doll or sommat in the middle of the woods with no one for miles to hear our screams!"   
Ben couldn't help himself as he burst put laughing. "I'm being serious Ben, stop laughing at me!"  
"Babe, trust me yeah, you ain't about to get murdered by a serial killer okay!" Ben replied still laughing. "I'd be there to protect you and Lexi anyway! Not gonna let anything happen to either of you am I?"  
"I dunno." Callum still looked uneasy.  
"You've been watching too much of that Midsomer Murders babe. We ain't gonna get murdered in a log cabin, alright. I promise you ok!" Ben snorted in amusement causing Callum to look affronted.  
"I'm tired" Callum mumbled "gonna go sleep!"   
"Babe, don't be like that" Ben pleaded, stroking Callums arm. "OK, we can forget the log cabin it's fine, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make fun of you!" Ben did his best puppy dog eyes at Callum.   
Call sighed "I know, I know I'm sorry. I'm just not in the mood right now. Starting to feel proper dizzy!"   
"I'll get you some water it's okay Cal, I'm here yeah, do you want the sick bowl?" Ben asked softly as he crouched down in front of Callum who nodded slightly in obvious discomfort, before Ben leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to Callum's forehead "I'll be back in a second Callum, you rest here ok!" Ben went into the kitchen, returning momentarily with the bowl and a bottle of water. He crouched down in front of Callum again, placing the sick bowl on the floor Next to him, and unscrewing the lid on the bottle of water.  
Callum took a few sips of the water gratefully. "Thanks" he whispered to Ben.  
"You don't have to thank me Callum!" Ben replied softly but firmly as he remained kneeling on the floor next to where Callums head was resting on a pillow on the sofa. "If you are tired Callum, go to sleep yeah!  
"I'm not just tired, my heads pounding" Callim replied with a groan.  
"Has the dizziness passed?"   
"Mostly yeah, can I have some painkillers babe? My head is proper hurting!"  
Ben glanced at the clock, quickly working out if there had been enough time since Callums last dose. "Yeah, of course, I'll go grab you them now darlin."  
Ben returned with the painkillers, helping Callum sit up enough to take them. Callum knocked them back, with a grimace.   
"Just have a little rest tiger, let the painkillers kick in yeah?" Ben suggested softly stroking the side of Callums head. Callum nodded slowly his eyes drifting closed, as Ben continued stroking his head in a soothing motion.  
\-----‐----------------  
While Callum was having a nap on the sofa, Ben went upstairs and had a quick shower before texting Mick and Stuart to thank them for the beers. He changed the bedsheets, putting a fresh duvet on and pillowcases on the bed, and putting the clean laundry away in the wardrobe, before heading back downstairs, he quietly walked into the living room, where surprisingly Callum was already starting to wake up again. Ben sat down next to him. "You waking up gorgeous?" Ben whispered and Callum nodded before stretching with a yawn. "Yeah, feeling a lot better now!" He smiled. "I feel worse than a toddler with all these naps!"  
"You're tired Cal, your body is going through a lot yeah, don't worry about it!" Ben reassured him gently, before smiling. "You'd best get another cupcake before Lexi comes home from school and claims them all!"  
"That is true actually" Callum grinned as Ben passed him a neon green one, and selected a bright red one for himself.   
"These are well nice!" Ben murmered, as the front door opened and then Phil came in.  
"You all done then yeah?" He said as he came in   
"Yeah, ten month break as of now!" Callum smiled  
"I'm proud of you!" Phil admitted "you've fought the big fight Callum, it ain't easy and I have massive respect for you both, for coping with this!"  
Ben smiled "thanks dad, it means a lot!"   
"What time is lexi coming round!"   
"She'll be here in half hour!" Ben replied "why?"  
"Oh just wondering, I'll stuck some tea on for us eh?"  
"Or you could just let me order Takeout?" Ben suggested   
"Yeah, let's do that!" Phil agreed "might as well" he sat down in the armchair.  
"Do you want to go pick Lexi up from school? I'm feeling alright now?" Callum suggested "plus the walk will do me good!"  
"Yeah, alright then, we'd better set off soon if we are gonna make it on time. Tell ya what dad, get us chippy tea yeah? I'll let Lola know we'll pick Lexi up!" 

\----------------  
"Callum!" Lexi shrieked with excitement as she caught sight of him and Ben by the school gates and raced over. "Daddy!"  
"Hello princess!" Ben took her schoolbag "good day at school?"  
Lexi nodded, wittering on about the friendship bracelet that her friend Felicity had made for her before she turned to Callum  
"We all know you haven't been well, and you don't look well...but I heard mummy say that after today you will be starting to feel better? Is that true?"  
"Yep!" Callum smiled at Lexi, who beamed back happily  
"Thats great news! We should have a party!" Lexi announced "dads been sad while you been sick, everyone's noticed it. So hopefully now you will both be happy right? Why were you so ill? You don't look better yet?"  
"We are already very happy now" Ben answered "Callum has still got to rest and get better from his...illness sweetheart yeah, the medicines he had to take to get better also made him...quite poorly, but he doesn't have to take those medicines anymore!" Ben tried to keep an edited version of the truth simple enough for an eight year old.  
Lexi nodded seemingly happy with the explanation, holding both Callum and Ben's hands as they walked home


	16. 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callum is happy chemo is finally over, and Ben shows him how proud he is.
> 
> (Got some writers block so this chapter isn't the best)

Lexi had not long gone to bed when Callum and Ben were curled up on the sofa later that evening. Callum was scrolling through his phone while Ben was watching some random documentary on monkeys.  
"Want a beer?" Callum asked Ben as he sat up slightly.  
"Yeah go on then!" Ben smiled, raising up his hand, and running it along Callums jaw. "Is there still more cupcakes?"  
"Yeah! You want one?" Callum stood up, walking into the kitchen, coming back in a few minutes later with two bottles of beer and two cupcakes on a side plate.  
"Thanks Cal!" Ben said as he grabbed his beer.  
"Its alright babe! I'm so so glad I'm finally on my break Ben, I'm like super super happy right now!"  
"You should be" Ben put his hands behind Callum's neck, holding him still as he leaned in for a kiss. "Callum you have been amazing, I'm in awe of you babe, but now I don't want you pushing yourself to get back on your feet. Remember what the doctors said yeah? It's gonna take some time until you start feeling yourself again. Just promise me you'll take it easy yeah?"  
Callum nodded, kissing Ben. "I will babe, I promise!" He replied honestly causing Ben to smile.   
"You know Callum, when we found out you had cancer...I was scared...so scared of seeing you sick and so scared of losing you, and even when you were at your lowest, the tiredness, the vomiting, the seizures. I just knew I had to do whatever I could do see you through it, turns out you didn't need much help babe, you have been amazing throughout this, and I am gonna be so proud to be your husband one day soon." Ben admitted emotionally.  
"I couldn't have done it without you Ben. Having you in my life is the only reason I went through the chemo."  
"And you aced it darling. Everyone is so proud of how strong you have been."   
"I dont feel particularly strong right now Ben, I'm constantly tired and aching."  
"Thats because you've been having chemotherapy Cal, and it works by destroying your body as well as the cancer. You are strong because each day, you kept going and kept fighting no matter how bad you were feeling that day."  
Callum leant his head against Ben's chest as he sipped his beer.  
"Really?" He asked sounding unsure.  
Ben pressed a soft kiss to his head. "Really!" He snuggled further into Callum. "I'm super proud of you!"  
"Thanks babe" Callum replied with a small smile.  
"Are you ok darlin?" Ben asked "is there anything I can do for ya?"  
"I'm alright actually, just tired as always!" Callum grinned as there was a knock on the door. "I'll get it!" Callum said making to stand up however Ben gently pulled him back.   
"If you are tired, have a rest darlin, i will answer the door ok?" He gave Callum a sweet kiss before going to the front door. It was Mick and Stuart.  
"Hey up Lad!" Mick said as he came in and saw Callum, Stuart close behind. "Just wanted to see how you were holding up"  
"I'm alright, thanks for the beers by the way!"  
"Not a problem lad, just wanted you to know we were thinking of ya, your as good as a son to me Callum, I'm so proud of ya for getting through this, I think you are amazing, an absolute legend lad!" Stuart nodded his agreement as Callum blushed.  
"Yeah bro...super impressed by how amazing you've been through this. Hard parts over now eh?"  
Callum nodded "yeah, can start feeling a bit more normal again soon, not as sodding tired!" He smiled   
"Youll have to build your strength back up, and not rush it Halfway!" Mick advised. "Me and L, we are just so pleased you are gonna be ok!"  
"Cheers Mick!" Callum smiled  
"Anyway I'd best go. I'll see you soon Lad!"   
\-------‐--------------------

Callum ended up falling asleep on the sofa, curled up against Ben, who was on his phone looking up nice B&Bs in Edinburgh for them to stay in that was close to the zoo as he knew Lexi would love to see the animals.  
Jay came in through the back door. "Aw bless him!" Jay said upon seeing Callum snoozing against Ben.  
"He did it!" Jay said proudly "you both got through this, now it's party time right?"  
"Yeah I guess so!" Ben chuckled "beer?" He said pointing to the crate of beers on the coffee table  
"Yeah go on then, cheers bro!" He said passing Ben a beer as well.  
"Gonna take Callum and Lexi to Edinburgh for weekend away at some point. Callum's idea actually!"  
"Oh yeah?" Jay asked "long drive that!"  
"Nah I'm thinking it would be easier to get the train to be honest!" Ben replied as he stroked Callums arm.  
"Yeah, thats an idea, be nice for you to enjoy the break man!"  
"Yeah, gonna come back to the car lot at some point as well, feels wierd not working, need to put as much money as i can away for the wedding right?"  
"Yeah, no rush though mate, maybe just do half days or something, not gonna lie, ive missed talking to ya at work!" Jay grinned.   
Ben looked down at Callum as he started to stir, stretching slightly against him.  
"Hey" he whispered to Ben, as he turned his head and saw Jay "oh hey Jay!" He said as he slowly sat up.   
"Hey Callum, just came round to say well done mate! Proud of ya!" Jay raised his beer bottle in a mock salute  
"Cheers Jay!" Callum smiled. "Oh I didn't even realise I'd fallen asleep, how long was I out?" He asked Ben stifling a yawn.   
"About an hour!" Ben said with a quick glance at his watch. "Been telling Jay I found a lovely B&B in Edinburgh, close to the town centre and the zoo."  
"Yeah? Aw Lexi will love that!" Callum smiled as he grabbed a beer.  
"Oh I know, we will have a great time. Especially now your slowly gonna start feeling better!" Ben returned his smile.  
"Can't wait to grow my hair back, just hope it doesn't fall out again with the injections."   
"Need to get you to put some weight on too!" Ben added   
"Although that should be easier when food starts to taste normal again for ya!"  
"Oh I know!" Callum said dreamily causing Jay to laugh in amusement.  
"So pleased for you two. Like seriously guys, you have done amazing!" Jay said proudly.  
"I'm just glad it's over for now!" Callum replied smiling  
"I'll drink to that husband-to-be!" Ben smiled clinking his beer bottle against Callums and taking a swig. 

\---------------- 

Callum was laying in bed later that night, Ben curled up against his chest. The window was open slightly to help Callum feel cool and not as warm and sweaty, the breeze drifting across the room. "Cal?" Ben whispered into the dark   
"Yeah?" Callums hand stroked Ben's arm which was flung over his chest.  
"I love you!" Ben said simply "and I am so happy you are gonna be ok! You've done amazing, I can't imagine how awful you have been feeling with the chemo, and yet everyday you still battled through, for us and I cannot thank you enough, for being so strong. I'm so so proud of you and I just wanted you to know that!"  
Callum smiled. "Thank you, and no it ain't been easy, it ain't been easy at all! But its just something that's got to be done isn't it? And you were amazing, even on the days I could hardly get out of bed because I felt that bad, you always said something or did something that made me smile, or made me laugh!" He replied "and I really appreciated that!"   
"It wasn't easy seeing you like that, and you look so handsome when you smile so i guess it was a win-win situation huh?" Ben replied, pressing a kiss to Callums chest with a smile. "Its in the vows in it...in sickness and health? I'm with you every step of the way darling, and now it's your recovery, I'm gonna spoil you rotten baby, just you wait and see!"  
"Hmmm, I can't wait!" Callum pressed a kiss to Ben's head. "I love you Ben, and I'll never stop loving you!"  
\----------------------  
Callum woke up the next morning, to Ben setting a brew down on his bedside table.  
"Well that was good timing Cal, I was just about to wake you up" Ben greeted him as he sat down next to him on the bed. "How're you feeling?"  
"Just a headache!" Callum replied with a small smile as he slowly heaved himself up. "And a little bit achey, but I'm alright!"  
"Yeah?" Ben asked with a smile, "well I've got a full English downstairs with your name on it!"  
"Yeah?" Callum said as he sipped his brew. "Cheers babe! What time even is it?" He asked laughing slightly  
"Just gone half eight! Lolas just picked Lexi up for school, suprised you slept through that racket this morning!" Ben smiled. "Come on then, up. Your breakfast will be getting cold!" Ben got off the bed, winking before going back downstairs as Callum pulled on a fresh tracksuit, before sipping his brew as he walked down to the kitchen.   
"This looks amazing Ben!" He slipped into his chair.  
"Thank you!"   
"Dont need to thank me, I told you I intend to spoil you on your break and I will be!" Ben replied cheerily as he ate his own breakfast. "So what do you want to do today?"  
"To be honest, I just want a chilled day on the sofa!" Callum replied  
"We can do that!" Ben replied nodding "see what's new on Netflix!"  
"Nah I'm continuing that UFO documentary!" Callum grinned  
"Aliens don't exist Callum!" Ben laughed  
"Really? So we are the only life forms in the entire universe? I don't think so!" Callum shot back smiling.  
Ben shook his head in amusement.   
"Right well if you're watching that, I'm gonna go grab a shower!" Ben said as he put the plates in the dishwasher.  
\----------------  
After Ben's shower he came downstairs feeling refreshed. Callum was curled up under his blanket, and looked up when Ben came in.  
"Is it cold outside?" He asked suddenly   
"Er...its not too bad today, why?"  
"Could we go shopping this afternoon?" Callum asked  
"Need a new phone!"   
"What happened to your phone?" Ben asked confused.  
"I dunno...the screens just stopped working!" Callum replied confused.   
"Pass it here babe, I'll try and reset it!" Ben suggested.  
Callum passed him his phone and Ben sat down next to him on the sofa, trying to fix it, while Callum zoned out to the UFO documentary.  
"I dont have a clue babe, resetting it hasn't done anything! What happened?"  
"I just pulled it out my pocket to check Facebook and i can't even unlock my screen, it's just not responding to anything on the screen!" Callum shrugged apologetically.  
"Yeah, how about we go town for lunch and get you a new phone then as i don't know what's up with this one?" Ben suggested as he passed the phone back to Callum.  
"Yeah, that would be amazing thank you!" Callum smiled warmly at him  
"So...how many UFOs have they spotted?" Ben asked with a wry smile  
"Oh hundreds!" Callum replied grinning, as Ben sat down beside him, curling into his side. "Its pretty much finished now though, so I dunno what you want to watch next!" Callum yawned.   
"Tired?" Ben asked kindly   
"A little bit yeah"   
"Have a lie down if you are tired darlin!"   
"Yeah, might as well!" Callum replied stifling another yawn as he shuffled himself so he was lying down on the sofa. "Is the heating on babe? I'm really cold!"  
"Yeah, it's on." Ben replied tucking the blanket in around Callum. "Do you want me to get you a hot water bottle?"  
"Oh would you? That would be great!" Callum smiled tiredly at him  
"Yeah, no problem! Just wait here a sec and I'll bring it through!"  
Ben came back a few moments later with a hot water bottle, which Callum quickly curled up with sighing in relief. "That better?" Ben asked smiling  
"Yeah!" Callum nodded "I just keep feeling dead cold recently, oh its well nice this water bottle!" He added with a smile.  
"I'm gonna get you a really fluffy dressing gown when we go shopping!" Ben smiled after a few minutes of comfortable silence "and maybe an electric blanket!" He chuckled   
"God, you make me sound like I'm a pensioner!" Callum laughed. "I'm not that bloody bad!"  
"Right just the dressing gown then!" Ben pulled the blanket up over Calllums head laughing.  
"Oi, quit it!" Callum detangled himself from the blanket with a mock glare at Ben. "For God's sake! Come on then!"  
"What?"   
"You are bein well annoyin today, come on let's go town. I need to do something about this phone anyway!"  
Callum sat up, slipping his trainers back on.  
"Annoying? me?" Ben asked offended as he grabbed his wallet off the table. "I ain't annoying babe"  
"Sure! I believe that!" Callum grinned.  
"Right, just let me grab my coat!" Ben held his hands up in mock surrender.  
\----------------------  
They got the tube into Central London where Ben bought Callum the new Samsung S20. "You deserve it Callum you deserve the world!" Ben had told him when Callum had told him it was practically a months wage in price, as they walked out of the store. "Where do you want to go for lunch?"  
"I'm not sure, I'm not that hungry at the minute!" Callum replied, his arm around Ben's waist. "Still full from that amazing breakfast you cooked for me!"  
"I'm glad you enjoyed it!" Ben replied kissing his cheek  
"I told you I'm going to spoil you!"  
"You don't need to babe!"  
"No but you've done so amazing with the chemo that I want to!" Ben replied smiling. "Come on, let's go get you a nice warm dressing gown, so you ain't running up my heating bill anymore than you already have!" Ben joked causing Callum to shake his head in amusement.  
After they had got Callum a fluffy black dressing gown they called into a little bistro for lunch. Where Callum decided on a cheese and tuna panini and Ben ordered a cheese and beans jacket potato.  
"You know what this reminds me of?" Callum asked Ben grinning  
"No, what?'  
"You know when you were a kid and you used to look forward to the summer holidays away from school?"  
"Yeah! Is that what what it feels like?" Ben grinned  
"Yeah except I'm on the summer holiday part now and everything is awesome!" Callum grinned.  
"You still need to take it easy baby, rest up. You still have chemo in your system, you dont want to push yourself too much!"  
"I know, I am getting a bit tired!" Callum replied with a small smile   
"We will head back after this, you can have a rest on the sofa yeah?" Ben asked softly.   
"Sounds good!" Callum replied, as he held Ben's hand. "I hate getting tired so easy! I just want my energy back!"  
"Give it time yeah, doctors said it was gonna be a slow recovery, but you will get there!" Ben replied supportively. "Hard parts over Callum yeah?"  
"Yeah!" Callum replied with a grin "yeah it is!"  
"So how about when we get back we start on some wedding planning?" Ben smiled back   
"You know what Ben, that sounds wonderful

Let me know if you want to see anything in particular in the upcoming chapters as I need some ideas!


End file.
